Doctor Who

[Comrade]

I think people saying that the new Torchwood is different in tone to Children Of Earth are forgetting the bit in CoE where they rescue Jack out of a concrete block and then take off in the fastest JCB ever, and Gwen blows up a truck by shooting it once. Or the bit where they decide they can get all the gear they need by stealing it, and then we see a fun montage of the team committing multiple acts of theft to a jaunty soundtrack.

CoE was basically two completely different programmes stitched together - one was the bits with Peter Capaldi, and was excellent, and the other was every bit with Torchwood in it, and was absolutely ridiculous.

[ZOK]

What's the score with this Torchwood Miracle Day then? It looks great in the ads, but I have been badly burned before.

By which, I mean I have watched an episode of Torchwood.

[c-cat114]

"CoE was basically two completely different programmes stitched together - one was the bits with Peter Capaldi, and was excellent, and the other was every bit with Torchwood in it, and was absolutely ridiculous."

I loved some parts of CofE but couldn't help feel they masked a dull show underneath and, thinking back on it the bits I liked seemed like poor choices at the time. Capaldi was brilliant but I kept expecting him to launch into one. He was both type cast and hamstrung by his prior roles. And the alien in a tank was fab (but done before so hardly original) but led to the idiotic death scene which had no real purpose.

In fact the more I think about it the more I seem to remember it as being like a Hollywood film for the wrong reasons - a sprinkling of cynical set pieces with the normal rtd silliness in between serving no purpose and making me cross.

That said: I'll probably watch it and Gwen always makes me smile.

[Hexx]

[Hello Goaty ♥]

WALES IS INSANE!!!

[Eighthours]

I saw outrage on Digital Spy about that. To me, it's always been an obvious question: why the fuck do you have to pay to get into Wales, but not to get out again? Think of the money-making opportunities if it was the other way around. They could charge ANYTHING.

[cassidy]

Well that was enjoyable enough. Looking forward to the rest of the series

[scottcr]

That was shit... And I've enjoyed Torchwood since series 1 (apart from Cyberwoman)

Felt like a different programme and was trying too hard to be cool... Gwen was particularly crap.

[scottcr]

I remember saying to the missus after ep 1 that the silence are immune to the angels and I reckon that'll come into it at some point...

[Comrade]

Is this Miracle Day thing the entire ten episodes then? Because while I thought the multi-part story thing worked quite well for CoE, I don't see how they are going to be able to stretch this out for twice that length.

[Made of Ghosts]

"One word. Just one word."

"No deaths. Not one."

"Nothing went wrong. Absolutely nothing."

I wish RTD would stop writing like this.

Despite that and the annoying news reports and general "America is cool" vibe, I quite enjoyed it.

[Death's Head]

The news reports became like something out of Tim and Eric at one point. I was hypnotised by flash-cut lips.

[scottcr]

I thought the Gwen with baby at window shooting bit was bloody awful....

[Red Alignment]

It was all completely terrible. The tone was completely off, the American actors were either hamming it or totally wooden, the plot and locations almost seemed to jump randomly from one point to the other, and you had corny touristy shots of England and Wales. Man, this made even series 1 of Torchwood seem classy and understated.

[SpagMasterSwift]

That bit with the head though... spooky.

[Flub]

I think people saying that the new Torchwood is different in tone to Children Of Earth are forgetting the bit in CoE where they rescue Jack out of a concrete block

Don't forget he complained about having concrete up his arse. You've had worse Jack. Admit it.

[PopeSmokesDope]

Torchwoods budgets been increased then

Quite enjoyed it and was thoroughly repullsed by the decapitation scene, which is odd, as i've watched loads of sick shit on the internet...

[sprite]

My favourite bit was in the trailer at the end.

If you're the best England has to offer, God help you.

I'm Welsh. *smack*

[RikC]

I thought the Gwen with baby at window shooting bit was bloody awful....

Glad i'm not the only one who can't take Eve Myles seriously as a guntoting action heroine. The effects during said sequence were also ropey as fuck. Anyone know what the budget is for these episodes? Who and Torchwood seem to have real problems creating convincing gunplay.

[dayte]

That was a great episode, lots of pretty disturbing scenes like the decapitated head opening his eyes - glad I didn't watch that at night. And how about the leggy doctor wearing a dress in high heels, very practical

[dayte]

The baby's like, fuck yeah

[ZOK]

Complete garbage. I've no-one to blame but myself, I know, but I gave it a chance at least.

The decapitation bit was quite nifty, I'll admit. Although Jack Barrowman's botox-warped face was the only thing I found genuinely chilling in the show.

[Vorgot]

Thought that was awful. While each series of Torchwood has had a very different style, this one seems to have gone for crap set pieces, tons of cg, and very little plot. I mean in that whole episode, what happened? People didn't die. Right, we got that. So why did I have to watch the rest of the episode watching the worst plot contrivances I have seen in a long time to get Jack, Gwen and Rex together? And there are another 9 episodes of this to go?

I know why the changes have been made, just seemed like a cross between Torchwood/X-Files/(Heroes or Flash Forward or blah, take your pick) to me, and I didn't like it.

[Hexx]

Well I thought 4x02 was much stronger.

It was much tighter, less OTT bombastic, and focused on the interesting fallout and consequences from the death of death.

[Harsin]

Second episode was bloody terrible.

Is every episode going to end with Gwen making some reference to Torchwood and then making this face ?

[Rudi von Starnberg]

Rex Matheson, with his stupid name, is the best thing about this so far. The rest is just... well, it's not interesting, that's the worst thing about it.

And the one-liners are godawful.

[Vorgot]

Rex Matheson, with his stupid name, is the best thing about this so far. The rest is just... well, it's not interesting, that's the worst thing about it.

And the one-liners are godawful.

You are kidding me. Surely. He was awful, one dimensional, unlikeable, and a dick. Someone on the Doctor Who forums did a great breakdown on this episode. Apologies for the large cut and paste, but it made me laugh. Edited highlights.

The execution - Actually, this bit is quite good. "She should have run faster" amused, no 'witty last words' cliche and the execution itself is pretty creepy.

Rex/Esther conversation - Crass groundwork of the witless kind. Obviously they were trying to introduce the concept that a) Rex is an ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ and b) there's this British institute called Torchwood. But do they have to spell it out to us? And I mean literally spell it out to us.

Rex goes to hospital - "His name is Rex Matheson"; "Why are you telling me that?" "It's exposition. Just like these other people going on about others not dying." "Oh. Bit clunky, isn't it?" "Yes. Very."

People knock at the door - Leaving aside the A-Team style music as they collect a selection of weapons in readiness for the dark forces who.. knock, Rhys immediately flips from wielding a shotgun to happy chappy "It's all gone, no-one knows we're here". But wait - the walkers look back at the house and exchange a meaningful glance.

Esther at the hospital - "Popular man Rex Matheson. We've had three different station chiefs on the phone." "Yes, we're the caring, sharing, not at all bothered about security branch of the CIA." "Interesting. Here, I have more exposition for you."

News vox-pops - Clunky and unconvincing. Has anyone involved actually watched a news channel?

Danes vs Governor's lackey - "With every passing second, that's a million dollars more." Did this guy take blackmail lessons from Dr Evil? Does he really think that any jury is going to award a convicted murderer/paedophile $86.4 billion per day? And his legal lesson is clearly a load of garbage - there's been plenty of bodged executions and if the 8th Amendment allows the death penalty itself, it certainly doesn't block his sentence being changed to life.

Esther - Again, we're told that Torchwood is some old British thing and it's "Case closed". Yeah, "Case closed" because we're never going to look further into the fact that someone has all our chief's details and can also wipe out huge sections of our records (and tape backups apparently). We've other things to do. "If it wasn't a virus, it must be some sort of malware." Ladies and Gentlemen, we have our first of the episode. It won't be the last. "You want to stay away." "Why?" "They all died. Anyone who worked for Torchwood was killed in action." "But how is that relevant to me investigating it?" "Erm... quick, cut away!"

Gwen and Rhys - Painting (meh) and then the phone rings. "There's only one reason why that phone should ring." "Yeah, glad we didn't bother keeping it on charge then."

Esther - Do you like archives? Do you like scenes of people wandering around boxes? Then boy, do we have the scene for you. Eventually she stumbles across the great big box of Torchwood goodies (she was right, they really do leave lots of stuff behind) and then... Jack! Hurray! And the show kicks up a gear.

Jack/Esther talk - "So what is Torchwood?" Oh god, not more exposition. Plus "We were talking on the phone about Torchwood and then he crashed so I have to investigate it." Okay, that's incredibly sound motivation there. The "What's Retcon?" gag is good though.

The autopsy - Another good scene. It's creepy, it's well directed and it exposes a rather mean streak to Jack. The effects are a little ropey but if the scene is good, you don't mind.

Gwen/Rhys/Andy at the hospital - "What's Miracle Day?" Oh god. Oh god. Don't explain it again, we get it, nobody's dying, please don't... oh, you're going to. *sigh* Oh, and this was the sort of thing Torchwood used to investigate but it's finished is it? Great, thanks for letting us know.

Esther, at home - Esther wakes up in bed with no recollection of getting there, no hangover and no memory of the previous evening but bruised and her clothing disheveled; she breezes back into work with a cheery "I had things to do". Presumably a sexual assault evidence kit at the local hospital.

Esther, back at her desk - Well, her box hunting adventure was great fun for everyone concerned but ultimately she had her memory wiped. Now if only there was some way she could be brought back up to speed... but hey, the Torchwood files are all being kept secure, right? Nah, some random secretary will get them out, hand them over to someone who will hand them over to someone else in exchange for... dinner? Has anyone told the CIA about this concept known as 'secrecy' or 'security'? Hang on, we've got a call coming in...

Rex on the phone to Esther - Rex, presumably aware that his colleagues have all the intelligence agency capabilities of a damp ham sandwich is investigating the lack of deaths from his hospital bed but then Esther blurts out about Torchwood, derailing him. Thankfully he calls her on it and that should be that. "So what is Torchwood anyway?" Oh no. Oh god no. "Some kind of British intervention agency, closed down, used to specialise in 456 cases." Well, that's good enough for Rex and he's up and at them. "Give me those names again." "Captain Jack Harkness and Gwen Cooper." "Yeah, that's them." "Hang on, I hadn't given you those names before." "True but we've repeated the character names so many times that we have to say 'Those names again' or the audience will think they've had some sort of stroke."

And now I'd like to take a moment just so we can really appreciate the nadir of the episode: Rex leaves the hospital and travels to Wales or as I like to call it, the Extradition Exposition Expedition. I'll try to categorise each event as we go along:

Rex, you cliche: Only one CIA agent is capable of putting it all together. Or in this case understanding global time zones.

Rex, you cliche: The hard bitten agent leaves his medical bed against a dire warning that he'll die.

Rex, you dick: Rex takes a random crutch off the wall - boy, I hope no disabled person was using that.

Rex, you nutter: Rex goes over to the drug tray and swallows a cup's worth. Without even looking at it. I hope it wasn't a laxative for Mr Johnson in bed 31. Actually, I hope it was and that Rex spends the next 24 hours crapping his pants because he was too busy to look at a label.

Rex, you cliche: "It's way beyond top secret."

Rex, you dick: Rex grabs a handful of drugs and says "CIA" by way of explanation.

Rex, you nutter: Again, no examining of what sort of pills they were. He could be about to fly to the UK with nothing more than

Rex, you dick: Not content with grabbing an unseen cripple crutch, now he nabs a wheelchair out of the hands of its user. What, there wasn't someone sitting in one you could have tipped to the floor?

Rex, you dick: And he's a cab thief. That's just rude.

"I'm going to need a requisition 15." Ooo, what could that be. "What do you need that for?" Gosh, this is mysterious. "You do know what a requisition 15 is, right?" No but now I'm curious. What could it be? Maybe some sort of CIA special technology thing that would... "Of course I do, it's clearance to take a gun onto a plane." Oh. "Well, then I'm taking a handgun on a plane." Right. You couldn't have just said that? Still, I'm sure it's going to pay off brilliantly on the plane when... "Your requisition has been refused." Figures. Predictable really, I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have expected this exercise bike of an episode to actually go anywhere in the first place.

Rex, you cliche: It's an over anxious South American housekeeper called Rosita.

Rex, you dick: "No husband-o! No husband-o!"

Rex, you cliche: "I don't have to turn my phone off, I'm CIA. And sick. And a dick."

"I can access his private calls." So can your average News International journalist.

Rex, you dick: "What the heck is this bridge?" "It's like the equivalent of New Jersey?" "I've got to pay for this bridge?" Yes, our top man is on the case. He gets confused by the concept of a toll bridge but otherwise he's brilliant.

And finally he makes it to Chez Cooper. Then collapses. Totally worth five minutes of screen time, watching him lurch about on screen, moaning and pushing his attitude around everywhere. I would have hated that to have been cut down to Esther saying "I think I've tracked her down from her old police contact - he phoned an unlisted cellphone that was answered at these co-ordinates." But anyway, at long last, the journey is over.

Gwen/Rhys/Rex - So we learn that Gwen isn't into bondage fun after Rhys's frankly pathetic bit of tying Rex up - pity. Plus Rex hasn't had a moan for at least two minutes of screentime so here he goes again, grumbling about the bridge and not dying and the helicopter hovering right outside. But wait, it's the bad guys! With an RPG! Our heroes are doomed... unless they can miss a house from that distance. *whoosh* *clink* *whoosh* *clink* *boom* Gwen immediately goes back on the attack, firing dodgy CGI at the helicopter until it retreats. So naturally they run outside to get to the car because nothing outruns helicopters like P reg Vauxhalls. But coming to the rescue of Gwen, Rhys, the whining baby and Awen (not to mention the episode itself), it's Jack! Hurrah! But then... oh god, we're flashing back to Rex's never ending journey. Purely for a gag that would only work if there was an element of surprise to it rather than being signposted with an "It's you!". "Never annoy me again" - so say us all Jack. So say us all. Jack is of course the third separate person this episode who has managed to track down the ultra-secret Cooper hideaway - they might as well have named it "Duntorchwoodin".

Still, Jack's here now so he's going to have a great plan right. I mean, they've got weapons, they've got cover, someone is bound to notice a helicopter shooting up the place, probably best to bide their time. Or drive along an immensely exposed beach, with all the passengers incredibly exposed to gunfire. That'll work too.

The payoff - "Who the hell are you people?" "Torchwood." Okay. That was pretty cool.

The Coda - So everyone is making plans then Rex pulls out the "I'm a dick" card once more and announces he's having everybody renditioned under the 456 amendments to US Code 314. Quite apart from the fact that US Codes aren't like that (it should be something like Title five, United States Code, section five fifty-two A) and that he would have to cite UK law (what with them being in the UK and thus under their law), what's up with PC Andy? Last time we saw him, he was fighting against his fellow police officers. Tonight he's handing over everybody to some annoying Americans on the basis of "Orders from above." So some terrific development and characterisation in the last series has been jettisoned, leaving everyone with a sour taste in the mouth. Sums it all up really.

[DirkCrisis]

Bill Pullman's "evil face" reminds me of Kryten every time he tries to call Rimmer a smeg head

[Comrade]

Well, looks like we found out how they're going to stretch this story out across 10 episodes - they're even going to drag out a simple plane journey into a whole episode.

Other than that it wasn't too bad. A lot of the incidental dialogue is actually pretty good. Of course it falls flat on its fucking face whenever they bring up a science-ficition element. Apparently RTD hasn't got the faintest clue about what even the basics behind the singularity concept are.

[zxcvbnm]

Maybe he should ask Moffat to step in and give him a hand next time......