Jump to content
IGNORED

So Shit Its Great Film Recommends

citation deducer

By citation deducer
in Film, TV & Radio

 Share

Recommended Posts

unspec

unspec

Posted
Posted
Pretty much anything on Mystery Science Theatre 3000. But there was one they forgot. You've probably heard of it. But you may not realise its greatness. That film...

COMMANDO - starring Arnold Schwartzenegger.

This is truly the best "Worst film ever". If you watch it with your brain turned off as you're supposed to, it's probably nothing special. Watch it looking for badness however, and you will find it EVERYWHERE. From the atomic-powered cheesy opening titles (Arnie spends quality time with his daughter - "I don't understand why he doesn't just call himself 'Girl George'! It would save all the confusion!"), to the setup, to the crazy plot that goes all over the place for absolutely no reason, for the most gratuitous pair of tits in cinema, to the insane finale where Arnie fights an entire army head on - and wins, and then takes part in the most homoerotic fight ever against the campest villian "Yeah! Yeah! I don't need the girl!" "Why not stick a knife in me, Bennet?", to the crazy and completely innapropriate steel drum music that plays through the ENTIRE FILM. And that's not even mentioning the infamous quipping ("I lied", etc.). This film is a masterwork of bad filmmaking. It's pure misguided genius from the second Arnie turns up to the second the credits start. Unbelievable.

I LOVE Commando!

"Don't disturb my friend, he's dead tired."

:D

;)

:P

Funnily enough, my winning entry for the worst film ever also stars Vernon Wells (Bennett).

The Evil Beneath Loch Ness is the worst film ever made.

I just can't describe the terrible Scottish accents, the cheesy effects and the worst plot ever. It simply has to be seen.

Enjoy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Rocko

Rocko

Posted
Posted
Bastard. Can you just stop stealing my posts, eh? Just for once?

Some people....

Genius piece of bad cinema and a samplers dream, though. Love it.

And it's 'Psychomania'.

:D

Good grief, I thought I was the only person who'd ever seen that film!

It really is amazing. No continuity at all, astonishing plot, shocking acting....my fave bit is still where they bury the motorcyclist in the ground - on his bike, naturally - but the hole is only about waist deep, so the top half of him is sticking out.

Just amazing scenes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
biggerbob

biggerbob

Posted
Posted

Another vote for Batman the original.

Also anything by the director Ed Wood. He's famous for being bad (see the film in the film club a few months ago), and the two of his I've seen are hilarious. Plan 9 From Outer Space is the classic, but I thought Glen or Glenda was better/worse (funnier).

Jackie Chan has made some hilariously bad films, too. Even better, although the plot/direction/acting is terrible, they all have good fight scenes to keep you watching. Off the top of my head, I absolutely pissed myself watching Thunderbolt with friends, and the end of Who Am I? gets really silly, thanks to some overacting Australians.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
spanky debrest

spanky debrest

Posted
Posted
Good grief, I thought I was the only person who'd ever seen that film!

It really is amazing. No continuity at all, astonishing plot, shocking acting....my fave bit is still where they bury the motorcyclist in the ground - on his bike, naturally - but the hole is only about waist deep, so the top half of him is sticking out.

Just amazing scenes.

Not to mention one of the all time great british scores - alongside The Wicker Man's soundtrack, of course.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Gwynster

Gwynster

Posted
Posted
Mystery Science Theater 3000 is one of my favourite programmes.

The 'sketches' in the show are not to everyones taste but the piss taking during the films is brilliant

Recommend the following Films on Mystery Science Theater (all available from DVD Pacific for much cheapness)

The Creeping Terror - A walking carpet terrorises people and eats people

Space Mutiny - Crap sci fi with crap acting and special effects nicked from Battlestar Galactica

Time Chasers - Ugly bloke time travels in a Cessna using a C64 to make the calculations, yes a C64.

Pod People - ET meets Alien

loads on Soulseek as well.

You left out a few utter Misty classics from that little list, I don't know if they're available on DVD or what (I just get them off MySpleen). Pod People is definitely a favourite of mine though. Also are:

Master Ninja I and II: - starring LEE VAN CLEEF as the master ninja. I shit thee not. Full of cheesy character theme music ("Ooh, he sounds evil") and rubbish ninja scenes.

Manos: The Hands of Fate - A woefully bad film by Coleman Francis (whose Beast of Yucca Flats was mentioned earlier), full of terrible dialogue, a kid that won't shut the fuck up, a random harem in a desert, and Torgo, a legend in his own time ("DO SOMETHING!").

Also, not with MST3K, but still bad as funk:

Spiderman: Yes, the original seventies version, starring noone in particular, and available from Cotham Video in Bristol which is where me and a mate rented it from. Besides the usual awful dialogue and poorly thought out plot, there are the incredible 'action' shots, from 'Spiderman' walking along a mockup of a tower block on his hands and knees, but ROTATED 90 DEGREES so it looks like he's walking straight upwards(!), to an incredibly pussy fight against 3 samurais (don't ask, please, just don't ask) that uses epileptic camera spasms to make you think that you just saw some impressive speed and acrobatics.

Dracula 2000: The reason why Wes Craven should never work again. A shockingly hilarious failure that me and a bunch of friends from uni watched together over IRC during the spring holidays. On your own it's probably just unwatchable, but get some friends and some beers in and you'll be laughing away.

I know there's more, but I don't want to be writing this stuff all day. :huh:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Gwynster

Gwynster

Posted
Posted
no one in particular?

NO ONE IN PARTICULAR!?!

Nicholas Hammond, fool!

(image)

The bouffant KING!

Aye, that's him. Still, who the hell? Is he in anything else as bad as The Amazing Spider-man? :huh:

Just had another look at that pic. He reminds me of Princess Leia.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Graham S

Graham S

Posted
Posted

Cactus Jack is great. I went to see some terrible Spider Man film (actually two episodes of a cancelled TV series edited together and released as a film, and it turns out, also mentioned in this thread) when I was little that bored me stupid, but fortunately it was a double feature with Cactus Jack on first. Six year old me thought it was the best film I had ever seen.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
zuum

zuum

Posted
Posted

I've got an ace kung-fu film called Ninja Holocaust which is a very sleazy combination of soft-core porn and frequent and pretty nifty fight scenes. It's an ancient VHS I bought in a squat shop around 1988-89 and I pull it out and watch it every so often even if just to marvel in sheer disbelief.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. Use of this website is subject to our Privacy Policy, Terms of Use, and Guidelines.

  I accept