"Should my husband spend less time playing video games?"

[lankysanchez]

21 minutes ago, ChewMagma said:

He should just get a Switch, then he can sit with his family inanely chatting over films AND play videogames. Job done.

This has been my solution. Or remote play to an iPad or whatever. 

[Gabe]

1 hour ago, Majora said:

I read this before and voted the husband being guilty but really it sounds like there's probably a load of missing context and that both are likely contributing to the situation. If he spends every weekday playing videogames while his wife sits watching TV in another room on her own then that sounds pretty shit. If it's a few times a week I think it's fine. It gives the impression they don't really spend a lot of time together and while his wife's argument is that she doesn't play games with him because she doesn't enjoy them, which is fair enough, his argument for not spending more time with her is that she talks too much during TV shows and movies which...isn't really.

Yeah, I wonder if he's considered that the reason she probably talks through stuff is because it's the only time she gets to actually have conversations with him?

 

From the limited context it might be that the guy feels gaming is his 'reward' for spending time doing housework/son's homework - there's no indication that he actually wants to do any family stuff and that isn't healthy.

 

As I've recently ended a relationship (which really sucks, by the way) where part of the reason was that my ex's son spent pretty much spent all day, every day on his PC and never wanted to do any family activity, I can sympathise with the wife's point of view. I hope there is some physical activity with their son - 7 is too young to be playing games all day.

 

I love gaming, but it only happened after the son's bedtime, and I always had shared stuff with my ex too, so we had proper together time and our own hobbies. I therefore don't have much sympathy for Jim.

[bear]

Refusing to wear headphones seems an unnecessary bit of bawlbaggery to be honest. It's been a while since I last played an RTS but they always had repetitive dialogue. "Walk softly and carry a big gun" has been seared into my brain from playing Dawn of War for 40 hours over a decade ago. I haven't played League but from I understand it's likely that Jim has a main character he uses so their dialogue also gets repeated over and over again. And again. At this point headphones are like masks, there isn't really a good reason you can't find a comfortable solution as theres so much choice out there. 

[deerokus]

The thing about the wife constantly narrating films and TV shows, I feel that. I know loads of people who do that and I don't get it, what are they getting out of the experience?

[Captain Kelsten]

24 minutes ago, moosegrinder said:

 

The obvious solution is to have 2 TVs in the lounge.

Alright, Mr Moneybags! 

[Captain Kelsten]

24 minutes ago, lankysanchez said:

This has been my solution. Or remote play to an iPad or whatever. 

I did this recently with my series x to my iPad to play dark souls 2 and it worked perfectly. 

[John0]

Haha I came here to see if there was a thread on this. These new fluff relationship pieces from the Guardian really are the absolute fucking worst. They annoy me so much that I find myself reading them to just find out how frustrating this new one will be, and so I can complain to my girlfriend about them next time I see her (bless her).

 

I think the crux of it is that it encourages the idea that someone is RIGHT and someone else is WRONG in a relationship and that there should be a definitive JUDGEMENT about this. Which seems pretty unhealthy to me. Relationships are about things like compromise, communication and empathy, not deferring to some bizarre collection of bored, random, ill-informed arbiters to find out who should feel most righteous about the situation.

 

Ironically, this kind of societal norm makes me feel like sitting on my own in a dark room playing videogames.

[Down by Law]

Find a woman who likes videogames and doesn't want kids 👍

[Majora]

I've been dating someone for a few months and they do tend to talk a lot when we're watching stuff together. It can be a bit annoying but at the end of the day they're your partner. It shouldn't be justification to not spend that kind of time with them.

 

My solution so far has been that when we're watching stuff together I tend to suggest shows/movies I'm vaguely interested in but won't be annoyed if I miss bits of. Or stuff that is really undemanding to watch. Things I want to get properly invested in I try to watch when I'm on my own.

[mikeyl]

That Jim sounds like a right weirdo nerd. I’d love nothing better to spend all my free time playing games but you have to round yourself up, spend time hanging with the Ms or other people and not radicalise the boy. Marlene is probably bored out of her head. But then they both read the Guardian. Awful couple.

[John0]

Also why has no one mentioned "boys will be boys" yet. In her own words that she knew might be put in a newspaper! Also apparently, "it's a man thing". Pretty big red flags to me.

[Ry]

If he is still raising the kids and doing everything a good father and husband should do then I don't see the issue. But t then again, how many hours is he playing? 

 

He's probably playing games as an escape from his wife being a bit of a cunt. 

 

From a personal point of view. I would rather watch a film or TV with my other half than subject her to what I'm playing, she has no interest in games whatsoever. And I feel bad hogging the TV for lengthy periods of time.  But she doesn't mind me playing for an hour or two while she's on her phone or something in the early evening. I usually just play for an hour while she's in bed anyway. 

 

When I'm watching my granddaughter every weekend games don't get a look in. Though they will when she's older, can't wait!

 

 

[deerokus]

10 minutes ago, Majora said:

I've been dating someone for a few months and they do tend to talk a lot when we're watching stuff together. It can be a bit annoying but at the end of the day they're your partner. It shouldn't be justification to not spend that kind of time with them.

 

My solution so far has been that when we're watching stuff together I tend to suggest shows/movies I'm vaguely interested in but won't be annoyed if I miss bits of. Or stuff that is really undemanding to watch. Things I want to get properly invested in I try to watch when I'm on my own.

I usually can't concentrate on either conversation or TV when people do this. My brain just shuts down. I may have a sensory processing thing right enough.

[mikeyl]

Jim is a manchild, thinking he’s allowed to play games as a negotiated reward for feeding himself and not living like an animal. Marlene wants him to go to bed at the same time to do the sex thing.
 

And ‘doesn’t have to concentrate’ probably means he’s not even playing something good or challenging. Probably Destiny 2

[Number 28]

'Valoran' is mentioned which according to Google is League of Legends. If it were Elden Ring, everyone would be, "Yeah,well, obviously..."

[mikeyl]

Totally understandable if it was Elden Ring

[John0]

If it was Elden Ring it changes absolutely everything.

[Down by Law]

Quote

 I usually go into the next room and watch television. They stay in the same spot all evening. Perhaps I’m a bit jealous. I have absolutely no interest in computer games, but sometimes I’d like the boys to come into the sitting room and for us all to chat together while watching a film.

 

Bit weird that she'd point out they stay in the same spot all evening as a criticism, when she then says she wants them all to sit in front of the TV instead, presumably in the same spot.

These pair need to get a hobby they can do together or have an agreed night of the week where they go out as a family and do something.

 

[SozzlyJoe]

1 minute ago, John0 said:

If it was Elden Ring it changes absolutely everything.

 

Well, it would explain why he couldn't pause it at least

[Down by Law]

2 minutes ago, John0 said:

If it was Elden Ring it changes absolutely everything.

 

"Can you give me a hand"

 

"i'll be dead in less than a minute"

[Jamie John]

Jim needs to get a pair of headphones and spend part of his evening doing something with his wife (as mentioned, why does this have to revolve around visual media? What about a board game, or taking a walk, or doing exercise, or just being in the same room as her?).

 

Marlene needs to stop talking while watching TV and films and be more open to the idea of playing games with her husband and son - it sounds like she is just completely dismissing what is nowadays a very varied and accessible medium. Saying 'I hate games' is like saying 'I hate music, or TV, or films'. They should get Switch Sports.

 

As for managing game time with my own family, I don't really play games in the daytime by myself at all now when my wife and son are at home. I'm either with them or doing chores. If they're watching a film or something then I might sneak off to my man cave for half an hour or so, or play the Switch with my headphones on, but that's it. My son is three and a half and we've recently started to play games together. My wife doesn't tend to play with us, but she sees this as her opportunity to do her own thing, which is fine by me. Normally she'll go and read or watch the tablet, or be in the same room as us but be on her phone. My son and I tend to only play together for a maximum of an hour anyway before he starts to want to do something else.

 

Once my son's in bed, if we're not both doing work, I'll typically spend part of my evening with her, normally watching an episode of something, then I'll have about an hour for games while she does whatever she wants to do. Sometimes I'll play on the Switch with my headphones on, but other times I'll go to my cave (also with headphones on). At the weekends and the holidays I'll play while she's in bed, normally until 12.30-1am. She doesn't care what time I come to bed, so long as I'm prepared to wake up with our son in the morning and I'm not a ratty arsehole from not having enough sleep 

 

I'd love it if she was more into games and we could play more co-op stuff together (we started It Takes Two but she got fed up). Ultimately, though, I think we've reached a good compromise that works for us. She doesn't really take any interest at all in what I'm playing, but the fact I play games doesn't bother her.

[MW_Jimmy]

The funniest part is at the end of the article - for last week the Guardian readership voted 92% that Drew should join his wife in binge-watching dramas (one or two episodes of a drama a night).

[Michael J Glocks]

Jim needs to buy some headphones and they both need to go to couples therapy. 
 

👍

 

[Benny]

5 hours ago, bear said:

Refusing to wear headphones seems an unnecessary bit of bawlbaggery to be honest. It's been a while since I last played an RTS but they always had repetitive dialogue. "Walk softly and carry a big gun" has been seared into my brain from playing Dawn of War for 40 hours over a decade ago. I haven't played League but from I understand it's likely that Jim has a main character he uses so their dialogue also gets repeated over and over again. And again. At this point headphones are like masks, there isn't really a good reason you can't find a comfortable solution as theres so much choice out there. 

 

"Boss! We's gettin' shot up!"

[NecroMorrius]

I always find this type of relationship problem is more about frequency than overall amount. My wife much prefers it if (for example) I play a game for seven hours straight once a week rather than playing an hour every night (never mind multiple hours every night). It’s the constant and frequent interruption to the flow of family time or the upkeep of the house which becomes annoying. In this case the bloke should limit himself to a night or two a week of me time and devote the other nights to family shared time, date night, getting out of the house etc. My wife totally understands I need some alone time (as does she!) because we’re both introverted. Those particular periods are more transactional than usual at the moment because the other person has to look after the baby so the other person gets some downtime. We try to keep it balanced and discuss those periods ahead of time. 
 

It’s easy to get defensive about games under attack in the press, but the truth is that online games can’t be easily paused and are more engrossing and distracting (and therefore disruptive) than reading a book or watching a movie. I caught myself going “ahhh” when my wife walked in front of Elden Ring during a boss fight the other day to grab something off the shelf for the baby. I realised it wasn’t appropriate to be that tuned out and distracted In that situation and knocked it on the head. She didn’t mind, I’d been looking after him for hours immediately before, but the dynamic didn’t feel right. 
 

Hobbies aren’t a reward for meeting your basic obligations as a partner/father. Relationships, marriage and kids are all a commitment which come before self interest unfortunately. But it’s vital that all parties recognise hobbies and time alone are healthy and enriching to a relationship and important to the balance.

 

Basically don’t get into DOTA unless you have willpower in abundance because you’ll be having “the talk” before long. 

 

 

[Isaac]

9 hours ago, Majora said:

I read this before and voted the husband being guilty but really it sounds like there's probably a load of missing context and that both are likely contributing to the situation. If he spends every weekday playing videogames while his wife sits watching TV in another room on her own then that sounds pretty shit. If it's a few times a week I think it's fine. It gives the impression they don't really spend a lot of time together and while his wife's argument is that she doesn't play games with him because she doesn't enjoy them, which is fair enough, his argument for not spending more time with her is that she talks too much during TV shows and movies which...isn't really.

 

I don't know, I dated a girl about a decade ago, we lasted about five weeks before I broke up with her because she wanted to talk through absolutely every film or TV show we watched, usually to ask me why a character was doing something or who they were again.

 

Couldn't handle it at all. What a nightmare.

[Bacon Horsemeat]

It's great to read about a father and son bonding in popular media. Definitely need more of it. People who blab over TV are just the worst.

[deerokus]

2 hours ago, Isaac said:

 

I don't know, I dated a girl about a decade ago, we lasted about five weeks before I broke up with her because she wanted to talk through absolutely every film or TV show we watched, usually to ask me why a character was doing something or who they were again.

 

Couldn't handle it at all. What a nightmare.

There are lots of people for whom it's some kind of ritual.

 

I semi-suspect I have undiagnosed ADHD and that could be why I genuinely can't handle it at all and have to pause (which then upsets the person speaking sometimes cause they think it's passive aggressive). At the very least some sort of sensory processing thing. It's totally alien to me that people actively*enjoy* it.

[cavalcade]

10 hours ago, Down by Law said:

Find a woman who likes videogames and doesn't want kids 👍

 

I just 3 stacked Apex Ranked with two of my kids and played Valorant with the other. We're currently chatting on Discord about G2 underperforming at the ALGS finals and upcoming League of Legends changes. 

 

Find yourself a woman who can pop out gamerz 

[routeburn]

19 hours ago, Benny said:

This just comes down to the great morass of media pundits always trying to be the custodians of what are the most "worthy" ways to spend your time, because the idea that anyone might be enjoying themselves in life much more than them in ways that they don't understand or approve of is enormously existentially scary to them.

 

There is nothing more enjoyable, nor which creates such intimate bonding between spouses than sitting side by side on the sofa, facing the TV, both scrolling through social media feeds on your phones.