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The stupidest review you can remember reading


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ZOE 2 - 4/10 in Edge.

 

While playing through this back in the day I had the look of Richard E. Grant seeing Rise of Skywalker for the first time.

 

Saw the Edge review and to this day think someone must have sent them a completely different game.

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8 hours ago, Nick R said:

The Paragon Publishing Dreamcast Magazine generally gave Capcom 2D beat 'em ups positive reviews. But they had one reviewer, Alex Warren, who really, really hated them and thought that they had no place on the Dreamcast.

During the DC era, I worked for a (games) publisher, running the QA department. Part of what we did was to assess games the company were thinking of publishing, a lot of which were Japanese that we'd publish in Europe and the US. The licencing manger had this oft repeated phrase "it's 2D, it's shit". I once sat him down with a Guilty Gear game that we had the option on and explained why it was such a good game. He said "we can't publish that, it's so old fashioned. It'd be embarrassing". 

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On 01/07/2021 at 15:13, Zio said:

I was working as a sales assistant in a branch of Electronics Boutique when GTA3 was released and I've always remembered that absolutely no-one gave the slightest shit about it at launch. In fact in the intervening period I've often wondered if this memory was faulty, so I'm glad to see some of you lot remembering it as being uneventful.

 

In fact, I actually borrowed a copy from the store a few days before release as I was such a massive fan of the first two GTAs (and London) and though I didn't believe it would translate well into 3D, I was interested in giving it a try. I remember going into work the next day and telling my manager that this was one of the greatest video games I'd ever played and him basically laughing me off.

 

Had a very similar experience when I was working for HMV. Nobody cared about GTA3 at all until our team lead put it on one of our demo pods while we were closing and drew a crowd. He spent all of his time playing until we locked up for the night but we knew we'd seen something special.

 

We couldn't get copies in fast enough after launch and the momentum just kept going, to the point where people got whipped up into a frenzy over the launch of the completely mediocre State of Emergency a while afterwards just because it was superficially another crime simulator.

 

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It’s strange looking back. GTA 3 had very little hype before release. I don’t think the publisher expected much of it. Even the early reviews weren’t very enthusiastic.

 

I was disappointed at first at the jittery frame rate. It took a day’s play before I was convinced it was something a bit special.

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  • 5 weeks later...
On 29/06/2021 at 19:54, spanky debrest said:

Yeah I personally agreed with Edge's meme-tastic 5/10 for Double Dash - though I'm one of those extremists who'd have given Super Mario Kart an easy 10/10 and finds the modern ones boring.

 

Their 6/10 for Gunstar Heroes was a shambles however you cut it though. 

I agree too, double dash was crap but then I think all them are rubbish compared to super nes one!

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On 01/07/2021 at 14:47, Pob said:

It's hard to see how someone could play GTA3 for more than give minutes and not realise how revolutionary it is. Spotting the genius of Halo was very astute - it took me a second play-through to really appreciate it - once I'd got used to the controls, been told to try it on a harder difficulty etc. Up till then I thought Medal Of Honour: Allied Assault (basically Call Of Duty 0) was a much better game.

I keep trying to like halo, but still don't really like it. then again I think every FPS except Goldeneye, quake 3 and unreal tournament is shit!

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On 30/06/2021 at 14:12, K said:

 

 

OK, looks like I got my dates wrong. I do recall him mentioning the GTA3 thing though, in the context of him saying that the one of the main scoring scandals everyone bangs on about is an example of a time when it was genuinely a mistake.

 

I have that issue of Edge in front of me, and its interesting re-reading it in context with that Ste Curran quote above. The same issue had them review Halo, Oddworld, Amped, Project Gotham Racing Rez, Pikmin, Civ III, Jak and Daxter, Shenmue 2, Baldurs Gate DA, Virtua Tennis 2, and GTA 3 (among others) - so it was a pretty heavy month for games. It's quite a sparse review, it reads like they didn't spend much time with the game.

Is that the issue with fxxk on the cover?

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53 minutes ago, bplus said:

I keep trying to like halo, but still don't really like it. then again I think every FPS except Goldeneye, quake 3 and unreal tournament is shit!

 

I have always hated Halo with the intensity of a thousand burning suns. To this day I cannot comprehend how anyone could regard it as anything more than tepidly mediocre. I saw those rave reviews, bought into the hype, and despised it.

 

There were so many better FPS which I had played before it:  Heretic, Duke Nukem 3D, Outlaws, Blood, Shogo Mobile Armor Division, Goldeneye, System Shock 2, Half Life (+ mods), Deus Ex, Soldier of Fortune, No One Lives Forever, Quake III, etc. etc. etc.

 

After all that, Halo seemed like dogshit. Two guns? TWO GUNS??!

 

Frankly given the enormous volume of better FPS that came before, Halo should have been like a 3/10.

 

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11 minutes ago, Sketch said:

After all that, Halo seemed like dogshit. Two guns? TWO GUNS??!

 

So you don't think that making decisions about what guns to pick up and what to drop adds anything to the game?

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4 minutes ago, Nick R said:

So you don't think that making decisions about what guns to pick up and what to drop adds anything to the game?

 

I've heard this statement a lot. If you enjoy that, then I'm glad you were able to take pleasure from the design choices of Halo. For me, it was almost rage-quit inducing. I remember one specific section where I absolutely wanted three specific guns for a section, so picked up and dropped them over and over, centimetreing slowly along, using the fact that when you dropped them they would be flung forward ever so slightly. I got there in the end. Try to break me, hey Bungie? Well, I showed you!

 

I'd much rather have an immersive simulation type set-up like Deus Ex or STALKER, where I can carry anything I like, albeit with penalties for the extra weight.

 

The AI was piss poor too. Dunno why everyone says it's amazing. Grunts would bum rush me constantly. I remember one section on the beach, just over and over they would run right into my shotgun blast. I'd kill two or three simply by firing in a straight line as they ran into the blast. Then they'd kill me through sheer numbers and I'd have to reload. Eventually through sheer force of will I got past. Not fun. Stupid in fact. They were mindless fodder.

 

Compare that to Deus Ex where after wounding a soldier a bit they'd actually run away! Now that's good AI. Then you could hunt them down. Toy with them a while.

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9 hours ago, Xevious said:

Didn't Edge print a correction in the very next issue that the score should have been 8?

 

EDIT: Yes, they did: https://archive.org/details/edge-magazine-2002-issue-106-118/EDGE Magazine (2002) Issue 106-118/EDGE - 106 - Jan 2002/page/n11/mode/2up

 

That's a correction in the very loosest sense. Technically it doesn't mean they meant to put 8 even, just that the score was incorrect :P

 

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22 hours ago, Xevious said:

Didn't Edge print a correction in the very next issue that the score should have been 8?

 

EDIT: Yes, they did: https://archive.org/details/edge-magazine-2002-issue-106-118/EDGE Magazine (2002) Issue 106-118/EDGE - 106 - Jan 2002/page/n11/mode/2up

I said before, I don't buy it. The review (posted earlier in the thread) does not read like an 8 at all, it's too dismissive and shoulder-shruggy about the game. Not usually one to don the tinfoil hat, but in this case I do think it's an exercise in face-saving after they realised everyone else in the world had given it 900%.

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Edge missed the only two games I think really think deserved a ten: Tony hawk's Pro skater and Goldeneye. And probably deus ex (think they gave that a nine?) Actually that game pretty much set the template for a genre that doesn't seem to have changed much in twenty years.

 

Ok they got gran turismo right.

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1 hour ago, Dudley said:

Yeah I don't buy it either, that's a 6 review by text.  What happened was the forum lost its collective pants and they paniced.

It nearly put me off buying it, but then ign called ranted and raved about, for some reason I believed ign, even if took ten minutes to load it's web pages on my dial up modem.

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I can vaguely recall a reviewer for one of the more general PC magazines that was circulating the UK in the 90s (Computer Active, maybe?) being very down on the PC port of Final Fantasy VII - said it looked crap compared to other PC games, didn't get it, gave it about 3/10.

I only remember it because I was a salty kid who liked the game on the PS1, and because the following issue's letter column mentioned that they 'quietly ushered the reviewer into hiding' after a certain level of mail was vented at the slating it got :lol:

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On 02/08/2021 at 12:20, Sketch said:

 

The AI was piss poor too. Dunno why everyone says it's amazing. Grunts would bum rush me constantly. I remember one section on the beach, just over and over they would run right into my shotgun blast. I'd kill two or three simply by firing in a straight line as they ran into the blast. Then they'd kill me through sheer numbers and I'd have to reload. Eventually through sheer force of will I got past. Not fun. Stupid in fact. They were mindless fodder.

Yeah, that is incredibly unrealistic, 3/10. It's a good job we never had soldiers in the real world mindlessly running into significant fire, think of the obscene loss of life that would lead to! 

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On 02/08/2021 at 11:55, Sketch said:

 

I have always hated Halo with the intensity of a thousand burning suns. To this day I cannot comprehend how anyone could regard it as anything more than tepidly mediocre. I saw those rave reviews, bought into the hype, and despised it.

 

There were so many better FPS which I had played before it:  Heretic, Duke Nukem 3D, Outlaws, Blood, Shogo Mobile Armor Division, Goldeneye, System Shock 2, Half Life (+ mods), Deus Ex, Soldier of Fortune, No One Lives Forever, Quake III, etc. etc. etc.

 

After all that, Halo seemed like dogshit. Two guns? TWO GUNS??!

 

Frankly given the enormous volume of better FPS that came before, Halo should have been like a 3/10.

 

It always seemed to me that Xbox og desperately needed a system seller and halo was it.

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  • 1 month later...
On 30/06/2021 at 09:49, K said:

The 6/10 for GTA3 was definitely an error. There's no way they actually gave it 6/10 and then backtracked - it was twenty years ago, and shedloads of people have left the mag since then, some with very little to lose, so if it was true it would have come out by now. Rich Stanton, who worked on the mag then, had some kind of drunken breakdown on Twitter about ten years ago and started dishing all kinds of dirt - mostly about about Future mags in general rather than Edge but he even said that the GTA3 thing was definitely a fuckup rather than a coverup because the default score on Edge's review template back then was 6/10. Stanton was extremely embittered by Future at this point, so if he had some dirt on them, he would have dished it like Arecibo, rather than begrudgingly myth-bust like he did.


Rich Stanton was definitely not working on the mag at the time of the GTA 3 review - he joined Edge/games industry in the mid/late 2000’s, which I know because I was on the first press trip he was ever on. 

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I worked in a HMV when GTA3 came out and it just seemed to appear, small amount of stock, no fanfare, yet we were still selling (iirc) a double pack of GTA 1 and the London expansion pack regularly. It was just there one day and thought it would have been a bigger deal, but really didn’t seem it. (Is played GTA London once at a mates, struggled with controlling it but thought it was interesting) I didn’t manage to get a PS2 until Vice City came out and I’ve still only briefly played the opening of GTA3 which felt archaic once you’ve started with Vice City.

 

On a Halo tip, I didn’t initially get it. I wanted aliens from Aliens - scary monsters - so having screaming scaredy-cat monsters shouting “He’s coming!” seemed silly and daft…And looking like pointy shell creatures seemed a bit disappointing. But eventually was hitting the Warthog and the flood and everything else and it felt amazing. 

 

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  • 1 month later...
On 01/07/2021 at 18:48, bplus said:

Edges 6 out of ten one page review of grand theft auto 3. They later sort of claimed it was a misprint. Anyway, totally dismissive a revolutionary game.

 

From what I recall they weren’t sent review code and so automatically marked it down.

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8 hours ago, gossi the dog said:

 

From what I recall they weren’t sent review code and so automatically marked it down.

Thing with edge is they missed 3 games I think are really are revolutionary, Tony hawk skateboarding, Goldeneye and grand theft auto. Yet they gave halo 10. I've never understood the halo thing. It's alright but not that special.

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