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The Unreviewables


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6 minutes ago, Thor said:

This has absolutely cracked me up!! :lol:

 

Breathing in the scent of the manual on the bus on the way home from the game shop was the first indication you got of how good a game was going to be.  That rich, luxurious scent of a well-written and hefty manual was a sure-fire sign that you hadn't wasted your cash.

 

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1 hour ago, Eighthours said:

I feel most sorry for reviewers who review long JRPGs. That must be a special kind of hell if you have a short deadline.

 

It's worse when you're 35 hours in and you're told that it's going to be two pages rather than four. 

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Demon’s Souls got a 10? Jesus, I did what I assume most people who didn’t read reviews did, and died on the second enemy twice then fucked it off because it was ludicrously hard. I feel sorry for people who have to persevere on some games. I’m sure Demon’s Souls got good, but if you got stuck with Rambo on the 360, or Final Fantasy XIII-2....

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I've had some stinkers to review (most recently the execrable Street Power Football) and actually they're fun in their own car crash way. The worst games to review are the mediocre ones where you have to force yourself to keep playing just in case something interesting happens and nothing ever does :( I would have legit loved to have reviewed Rambo for instance.

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9 minutes ago, phillv85 said:

Demon’s Souls got a 10? Jesus, I did what I assume most people who didn’t read reviews did, and died on the second enemy twice then fucked it off because it was ludicrously hard. I feel sorry for people who have to persevere on some games. I’m sure Demon’s Souls got good, but if you got stuck with Rambo on the 360, or Final Fantasy XIII-2....

I suppose what gave Demon Souls a 10 was that it was doing something different to other games at the time perhaps? I would agree it is a very subjective thing as I personally can't see the appeal of games that punish you over and over, especially when I have precious free time to play games anyway.

 

On the subject of a perfect 10 game, do any of these really stand the test of time? Games that have been awarded 10's by the likes of Edge in the past are more than likely given that score for innovation, but are likely bettered by subsequent "copy cat" games which themselves are not necessarily awarded a 10 despite being miles better than the original.

 

Perhaps some Nintendo games are the only ones that fit into the timeless perfect 10 category with the likes of Mario 64, OoT etc, part of that is because of their wide appeal and accessibility for all. More so than your Halo's, Demon Souls, GTA's and so on.

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9 hours ago, jon_cybernet said:

I loved the game, gave it 10/10 and had a quote from my review on the European box

I had to check, and not only is it on the box, it's on a gold foil sticker on the front of it. That's a level of review glory mortals can only dream of.

 

I don't know how people manage it TBH. I knew I'd never make a games reviewer professionally when I realised I was writing to either shit on some low-budget thing made in a few months, or sucking the fun out of big games I might otherwise have liked. I'll stick to posting my opinions on here I think.

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11 hours ago, jon_cybernet said:


I reviewed FFXII for Official PlayStation UK mag many years ago, and they said they’d give me a bonus if I could finish it and write the review in under a week to hit their print deadline and claim to be the only UK publication that had completed it.  
 

It was both the worst and the best week of my life. Fortunately it had already been out a year in Japan, so there were plenty of FAQs - the issue was more the sheer amount of content there was to get through. 

 

In the end I ended up cheesing my stats just so I could get to the end of the game (I’d already played through 40 hours or so by this point, so it was just to see how the story ended really).

I loved the game, gave it 10/10 and had a quote from my review on the European box, which I’m still proud of. Do wish I’d been able to play it at my leisure though, as it was a bit like trying to eat everything on the menu at The Cheesecake Factory - everything’s good but there’s SO MUCH to get through.

 

Years later I wrote an article about how hard it was to write that review for Eurogamer: https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.eurogamer.net/amp/2017-07-28-how-i-programmed-final-fantasy-12-to-help-me-meet-an-impossible-deadline

 

That's really interesting! Do you think that Gambiting to Level 80 for the back part of the game coloured the text of your review, or were you able to cover it off by how you'd already played FFXII 'normally' for a number of hours?

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Games reviewers (all media reviewers?) must have some uncanny ability to shift their mind set and translate the experience of playing a game under the worst possible conditions, in to how an ordinary person will take to the game. There should be a crime show where a games mag editor uses this ability to help a detective solve crimes.

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12 minutes ago, Eighthours said:

 

That's really interesting! Do you think that Gambiting to Level 80 for the back part of the game coloured the text of your review, or were you able to cover it off by how you'd already played FFXII 'normally' for a number of hours?

 

Not really, as I'd already seen the bulk of all the mechanics at that point, so the only thing that was really 'new' for the last few hours was the story, which would have been the same regardless. If anything I probably would have liked it even more if I could have played it at my leisure, but 10/10 is the highest score I could have given it anyway. 

 

Given the game's reputation in subsequent years, I feel I got it right. Think it's the only 10/10 I ever gave out in all my years of journalism. 

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45 minutes ago, jon_cybernet said:

 

Not really, as I'd already seen the bulk of all the mechanics at that point, so the only thing that was really 'new' for the last few hours was the story, which would have been the same regardless. If anything I probably would have liked it even more if I could have played it at my leisure, but 10/10 is the highest score I could have given it anyway. 

 

Given the game's reputation in subsequent years, I feel I got it right. Think it's the only 10/10 I ever gave out in all my years of journalism. 

 

Nice! You had quite the adventure - thanks for sharing. 

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