The Apprentice 2023

[Fierce Poodle]

The winners’ prize this week looked like the most godawful night out imaginable.

[Art Vandelay]

The thing that's infuriating is that Sugar's underlings have the luxury of being right no matter what happens. In this task especially if someone makes the purchase then and there they didn't shop around, and if they do shop around they ignored the deal in hand. It just depends where the chips fall at the end. Baroness Brady can cover all the bases without even talking as she just reacts to absolutely everything by making a face like she's watching a stray dog eat its own sick. 

 

I do really take a perverse pleasure in watching the panicked Scottish guy with glasses though. He has a face like when you draw eyes on your chin and film yourself upside down. 

[Fierce Poodle]

I think he looks like a boiled beetroot.

[glb]

12 minutes ago, Art Vandelay said:

I do really take a perverse pleasure in watching the panicked Scottish guy with glasses though. He has a face like when you draw eyes on your chin and film yourself upside down. 

[dumpster]

7 hours ago, Fierce Poodle said:

The winners’ prize this week looked like the most godawful night out imaginable.

I'm assuming that these are performed in exchange for the free advertising.  Tonights Apprentice completely put me off ever seeing that Fools and Horses show, it just looked absolute rubbish didn't it. It looked so bad!!! I couldn't believe it. I bet that's done some real damage to the brand. 

 

Anyway, my take away this series is that the whole thing is staged. We knew this of course but there are enough in this group that cannot act. So they huddle on a street corner and one says "right well done everyone, we've got the abba single, the basket, all we need now is for the other subteam to get their items.  Now let's head to the market".  Like proper exposition, written as a script so the audience can be clear on who is doing what and where everyone stands. Also the responses to their questions from ordinary members of the public are clearly prepped.  Like they have 10 florists on a list and they can't deviate. Each florist is instructed to say they have not heard of that mineral rose thing, but none of them say "are you sure it's actually a flower? Have you Googled this?".  

 

Just for reasons of filming permissions and public consent they surely have a list of destinations and negotiations.  There's so much planning and scripting, nothing is truly spontaneous. But this series, no-one has the acting chops to pull it off and it seems so obvious. 

 

[Sidewaysbob]

To be fair, they all looked blank when the read they needed a bit of music on a 45.

 

But yeah, they are all idiots and this is just a parody of itself now. The fact they couldn't just google desert rose was ridiculous.

And Karen's smug comment that they walked past a trug a dozen times when they clearly didn't know what one is, was just bullying. "ohhh look you cretins didn't even know the basket was there, you're so stupid, look at the stupid people Alan ahahahahah, everyone knows what a trug is don't they Alan".

 

 

[K]

The whole series is a bit of a mean trick like that. Last week, they got a load of people who haven't had any training or education in inclusivity to make a cartoon for kids about inclusivity, and then a load of people who are experts in inclusivity watch it and go "urrrrgh, you fucking idiots, do you not know anything about inclusivity?" and point out all the naïve errors they made in the cartoon they were effectively forced at gunpoint to make in less than an hour.

 

The prize at the end was terrible, too - the OFAH musical, with no audience and no atmosphere. They may as well have taken them to this:

 

 

Also, even more tragically, the Delboy in the OFAH musical was played by Tom Bennett, AKA New Man from Phoneshop, who deserves much better than pretending to be Delboy in front of some idiots in an otherwise empty room.

[Sidewaysbob]

It wasn't even a "night at the theater" gig. It was a morning rehearsal where they didn't even get to see the whole show, just the intro and a bit of cringy "how are you all then" banter .

And they had to wear the same clothes they'd worn in the boardroom. 

 

It was like a "You won, but i'm not going to spend any money of you idiots ahahahah , yer fired, no, i'm just 'aving a laugh. Go on get aaart you slags". prize  

[Timmo]

My favourite character is Tim who laughs heartily at every utterly shit joke Sugar makes.

[Art Vandelay]

Mark strikes me as someone who has two boiled eggs for every breakfast and keeps a very tidy garage. Reading the phrase "He dealt the fatal shots to his team before turning the gun on himself." would come as little surprise. 

[pledge]

On 27/01/2023 at 11:06, K said:

The whole series is a bit of a mean trick like that. Last week, they got a load of people who haven't had any training or education in inclusivity to make a cartoon for kids about inclusivity, and then a load of people who are experts in inclusivity watch it and go "urrrrgh, you fucking idiots, do you not know anything about inclusivity?" and point out all the naïve errors they made in the cartoon they were effectively forced at gunpoint to make in less than an hour.

 

In the into they just got told to make a cartoon suitable for pre-school with a new character and write the story. They just seemed to pick inclusivity themselves (I just rewatched Sugar introducing it again, maybe later they got told otherwise?)

[Stopharage]

Really loving this Come to Dubai infomercial. 

[glb]

Limiting water is really quite a special fuck up.

 

They could have got 5L bottles for about 80p each from a nearby supermarket (those desert safaris are usually about half hour from the main city if that)

[davidcotton]

Speaking of fuck ups:-

 

 

[dumpster]

That picture of Reece looks like someone typed "nobhead" into an AI art app. Notice how his hands are obscured so you can't count the fingers.  

 

[McFly]

The Dubai performances were bad, id have kept Joe though. Last weeks motorbike episode had some of the worst stuff I've ever seen on the show. Utter garbage clipart-esque designs, not following instructions and just am utterly pathetic "campaign" even by the standards of the program. Sick of the single firings too, triple firing please.

 

[sir podger]

i like that Tim still has PTSD from the process and really forces those laughs through at lord sugarlumps shit delivery of badly scripted jokes just in case the last few years have all been a ruse and he is still in the process

[Art Vandelay]

I fully accept this is all manufactured in such a way as to put the contestants in difficult positions and make them look silly. And yet – and yet, a fully grown adult under their own direction still told what looked to be the wealthiest man alive on a luxury away day he had to savour his council pop as that's all he was getting. Like, these people presumably inhabit the actual world and have interacted with other humans before? Why were they all scuttling around the diners and apologising every time they put some food down? Again, they must've eaten out at some point in their lives and noted the wait staff don't act like they're cooking for an occupying force with a revolver on the dinner table. Every single activity, no matter how exciting on paper degenerates into someone stiffly reciting facts until everyone looks like they're going to break into tears and they have to stop. How can you make jetskiing so boring people beg to be taken back to shore.

 

Also, the only reason I can think that bizarre man Mark didn't have the microphone removed from his person was that no-one wanted to believe what he was doing. 

[GwiDan]

What was stopping them upselling more drinks, like you know, every package holiday ever?

[davidcotton]

40 minutes ago, GwiDan said:

What was stopping them upselling more drinks, like you know, every package holiday ever?

Brain cells?

[Fierce Poodle]

That was classic Apprentice for me. Blathering incompetence and so excruciating I could barely watch. Fantastic stuff all round.

[dumpster]

46 minutes ago, GwiDan said:

What was stopping them upselling more drinks, like you know, every package holiday ever?

They're a bunch of idiots who couldn't find their own arse with two hands.

[Gotters]

23 hours ago, sir podger said:

i like that Tim still has PTSD from the process and really forces those laughs through at lord sugarlumps shit delivery of badly scripted jokes just in case the last few years have all been a ruse and he is still in the process

 

I can see that angle, I see the laughs as 'look at me laughing along with Siralun who I am now besties with, I'm better than you turds on the other side of the table'

[erhgiez]

Can we address just how bad the illustrators are in both the latest episode for the kids lunchbox and the cartoon one. I could do better on paint in a couple of minutes. They are dreadful, and probably have been told to draw exactly what they are given by the candidates, no embellishments. That caterpillar

[Sexton Hardcastle]

I always think they are purposely seeing just how shit they can be to see what is accepted.  They must be in on the joke with the production team as it’s garbage every single time. 

[Fierce Poodle]

I cannot believe anyone seriously thinks putting a back to front baseball cap on a cartoon character makes it more “cool” and “street”. 

[glb]

On 17/02/2023 at 22:12, Fierce Poodle said:

I cannot believe anyone seriously thinks putting a back to front baseball cap on a cartoon character makes it more “cool” and “street”. 

Hey! It worked for Poochie.

 

Oh wait no it didn’t.

[Art Vandelay]

That solitary child who put their hand up to say it was a good idea probably got pushed down a flight of stairs at break time. They would have deserved it too.

[Steve McQueef]

How the fuck is that useless cunt Avi still knocking about? 

[Art Vandelay]

He's across the figures and was ready to give a very thorough and accurate assessment of just how deeply unpopular the thing they made was.