Rate the last film you watched out of 5

[Vimster]

The Meg (2018)

I saw a review that stated The Meg was essentially a really well-made B-movie, and I think that's spot on. It's built from cliches and caricatures, it borrows heavily from other sea-based films like Jaws and The Abyss, it goes for the obvious every time, but it's a thrilling ride with some tense set pieces. Statham plays to his strengths, in fact everyone involved knows what this is all about. It's simply a fun popcorn movie, albeit one that feels like The Asylum got given $50million - okay that's slightly unfair, but you know what I mean. Actually I watched this on Amazon Prime and all the little factoids that came up when you pause it were great, like I didn't know this was based on a novel, or Disney had the rights but they didn't want to have to compete with Deep Blue Sea. Oh and Eli Roth was attached to this but demanded too high a budget and wanted the starring role - can't even imagine that.

 

3.5/5

[ImmaculateClump]

The Rental

 

Meh. About half the way through I just stopped caring and was finding things to chuckle at. It was all a bit "too little, too late" when things finally got going.
The ending was a bit patronising as well.

Spoiler

Just show the guy looking around another rented apartment, that's enough. Everyone will get it.

Started off promising, I sort of enjoyed the first half hour.

This could and should have been a lot better. Felt like they had the ingredients to make a much better film.

 

*

[jonamok]

Underwater

 

I thought this would be worth the £1.99 rental. I was horribly wrong. Save yourself the grief, it’s an absolute turd. Ugly, stupid, boring, plotless, soggy fuckery. Offensively bad on every, single, measurable level. I would pay good money to waterboard the director with the writer’s blood.

 

Mariana Trench / 10.

 

[Vimster]

Killing Salazar aka Cartels (2016)

This had the potential to be a straightforward low-budget action thriller about some eastern-European crime lord besieged in a hotel in Romania. It had the potential to be the best Steven Seagal film for a fair number of years, mainly because he spends most of the film sat behind a table mumbling. It's certainly not as bad as The Asian Connection, a low point in Seagal's downward trajectory. And you could argue Luke Goss does a decent job with what he has. But let's face it, it's another of these over-complex STV action films that could have been simple fun with a few twists, but wants to be something more than it deserves. By the end I couldn't give a toss about anyone, who were the goodies and baddies, whether it was good for Salazar to live or die. I mean it has some tense if rather messy gun-fights, but who really gives a shit? The best thing I can say about this was Seagal gives you some exposition right near the end that honestly could have happened right at the start and saved us 90 minutes of our lives. Thank me later.

 

1/5

 

[Gambit]

X-Men: Dark Phoenix

 

Maybe it was my expectations, but honestly I didn't think this was as bad as people say. It took a while to get going though, and the villain was incredibly weak. Something that is probably to blame on the studio shitting a brick when they discover they had basically shot the same ending as Captain Marvel. I think a lot of the issues I have with it are leftovers from previous entries in the series. I absolutely loved First Class, but once Singer The Nonce got his claws back into it, they jettisoned all the stuff that worked about that movie and brought back all his old toys. Making Mystique one of your main heroes shows a Snyder level misunderstanding of a character. And why is this now set another decade after the last film? In about 5 years are we supposed to believe that James McAvoy will turn into Patrick Stewart?

 

Had some okay fight sequences, I liked when Nightcrawler went mental in the final fight. Good music too.

 

3/5

[teddymeow]

Love Wedding Repeat

 

Netflix film with Sam Clafin, Olivia Munn, Tim Key, Aisling Bea and a voiceover by Dame Judi "muthafuckin'" Dent.

 

Made it 20 minutes in before the wife and I looked at each other and agreed it was utter shite!

 

Sub-par Richard Curtis crossed with an Edge of Tomorrow style plot that was just cringe inducingly unfunny.

 

0.5 vows / 5 (and that's being generous because of Munn, Bea and Dent)

[teddymeow]

Onward

 

Wasn't too sure at the beginning but by the end I was thoroughly invested.

 

Kids loved it too.

 

Chris Pratt wasn't as annoying as I expected.

 

3.5 spells / 5

[Ry]

Greyhound - 3/5. Frantic, hectic and really enjoyable. Good performance from Tom Hanks as usual. 

 

The Notebook - 4/5. Just a great romance. Second time I have seen it and I still cried like a baby. 

[Raoull duke]

Legend 

 

Not very good. 

 

2/5

-----------------------------------

 

The Dead Zone

 

Mad Stephen King nonsense. 

 

3/5

[Lovelyman]

The True History of the Kelly Gang. 

 

Bit boring, bit weird, bit gross. It was fine. 

 

2.5/5

[Fierce Poodle]

Snowpiercer

 

Made by Bong Joon-Ho before Donald Trump had heard of him. Fucking magnificent.

 

5/5

[Minion]

Capernaum

 

Utterly fucking devastating, the last film that made me cry like this was Au revoir les enfants, I'm speechless.

[Raoull duke]

Captain Phillips

 

The core concept is terrible. Was the audience really expected to not be rooting for the pirates the whole time? Was pretty bad anyway even without that. The only bit I enjoyed was "I'm the captain now". 

 

2/5

[FiveFootNinja]

A few over the weekend with/without the boy...

 

Ralph Breaks the Internet: Not seen the first one (wife watched it last week with our son) but will after this. Great little sideways look at modern internet culture in the traditional Disney fun for kids/fun for adults approach. Lots of gaming cameos too - 4/5

 

Official Secrets: Keira Knightly vs the government in a docudrama that I'm lead to believe is played pretty close to actual events. Acting and pace is good and my wife and I both enjoyed it. Just the sort of film we were in the mood for too which helps - 3.5/5

 

Big Hero 6: Another Disney+ one. Not what I expected actually and better for it. My 4yo was glued to it from start to finish and the time flew by. A couple of tough emotional breaks to explain to someone of his age but they are handled really well and it's got a nice mix of action, serious and funny. He wants to watch the spin off series now - 4/5 

 

Life: Scientists bring Martian lifeform back to the ISS. Things happen. None of those things are surprising or new and the science is fairly ropey. It would be easy to hate on it from a number of angles but the core performances are okay, it looks great and created a suitable amount of tension. Nothing special but if you want a sci-fi creature feature I've seen worse - 3/5

[sandman]

Good

 

This is an odd one. Viggo, Jason Issacs and Jodie Whittaker are all excellent in this tale about someone who ends up being a Nazi despite no really wanting to. It was passable enough for a train ride watch, but what a waste of talent as it runs completely out of steam 3/4 of the way through. 
 

2.5/5

[Plissken]

On 18/08/2020 at 21:03, Stigweard said:

Top Secret (1984)

 

First time I've watched this, but I'm a big fan of Airplane and really enjoy Hot Shots 1&2 so I knew I was in pretty safe hands. 

 

The opening train/bridge gag had me in on this from the get go and the rest didn't let up. Its chock-full of some really funny punchlines and moments, including some great background jokes.

 

The shootout scene had me laughing none stop (its 3 mins or so of perfect gags) and the underwater fight was just perfectly executed, its very impressive.

 

4/5

 

Just a quick one, there is a fantastic episode of SMERSHPod where Christopher Villiers talks about his time making this film while working and living with Val Kilmer.  It's fantastically entertaining.  Should be on Apple Podcasts or whatever.

[Plissken]

Blade Runner 2049

 

For me, the original Blade Runner is an odd one.  I don't deny that it is beautifully shot, creating an amazing world that went to influence/create an entire genre.  But I find it a very shallow film, where Big Ideas are said by Important Dialogue before moving onto the next stunning visual.  It's all surface.  It's a film I greatly respect, but not actually enjoy.

 

For the opening hour, I was much the same on this one.  By God it is beautiful to look at.  I was interested to see how they would treat the world of the first film and for me this is an absolute lesson in how to do a sequel.  It builds on the world that was created without slavishly copying it.  It expands on the city without breaking it.  It captures the atmosphere and gloom.  And then suddenly the film clicked for me.  As K begins to discover his humanity, I engaged more and more with it until I was fully invested - something that the original has never done for me.  It's also chock full of interesting ideas about the future.  After Arrival, Denis Villeneuve is right at the top of my list for intelligent, interesting sci-fi.

 

Pluses: Good performances from Gosling, Robin Wright and Sylvia Hoeks.  Amazing visuals.  Great individual moments.  Kept a fine balance between focusing on individual people and giving us a completely realised world.

Flaws?  Jared Leto is... OK, his fate and an certain plot line screaming "another sequel".  Some unnecessary nudity.

 

4/5

[lolly]

17 hours ago, sandman said:

Good

 

This is an odd one. Viggo, Jason Issacs and Jodie Whittaker are all excellent in this tale about someone who ends up being a Nazi despite no really wanting to. It was passable enough for a train ride watch, but what a waste of talent as it runs completely out of steam 3/4 of the way through. 
 

2.5/5

Intentional or not, this made me smile.

[Boothjan]

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

 

Tremendously entertaining Tarantino flick with Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio in top form.  Massively enjoyed this.

 

4.5/5

 

Midway

 

The most generic war film I can remember seeing, so generically dull and 'meh' that I can't imagine I'll remember anything about it in a week or so.  Nothing whatsoever to recommend here.

 

2/5

 

Joker

 

A quite spectacular performance from Joaquin Phoenix in one of the best films I have seen this year, if not THE best.  Sensational.

 

5/5

 

Heaven and Earth

 

An Oliver Stone filmed based on the Vietnam War should be more gripping than this - it's not bad, it just loses it's focus and it's way a long time before the end of the film.  

 

3/5

 

Searching

 

A lot better than I was expecting - a whodunnit based on the pros and cons of social media shouldn't be that watchable, but this is worth a look.

 

4/5

 

Fishermans Friends

 

The true story of how the shanty singers from Cornwall managed to break into showbusiness, which is slightly cheapened by too many cliches and stereotypical British rom com elements.  Still - a heart warming film that really made me want to go to a pub on the sea front.

 

4/5

 

We Were Soldiers

 

Hard hitting Mel Gibson film about Vietnam - I thought I'd seen this before but I hadn't - exciting, well paced and dramatic.

 

4/5

 

Spider-Man: Far From Home

 

Finally, my daughter and I have finished our MCU playthrough and we're up to date.  This is brilliant - a big improvement on Homecoming IMO and a perfect epilogue to End Game.  Tom Holland and Jake Gyllenhaal steal the show with a neat story littered with some great set pieces.

 

4.5/5

 

Risen

 

A daft film about the resurrection which severely diminishes the acting abilities of Joseph Fiennes and just becomes rather daft by the end.  

 

2/5

 

Loved Up

 

Apparently, this drama starring Ian Hart and Cersei from Game of Thrones was an educational film for children.  I wonder which bit they liked best - the sex scenes, the clubbing or the drug taking?  

 

3/5

 

How To Build a Girl

 

Written by Caitlin Moran about the start of her career writing for the NME, this entertained us sufficiently, but it really should have been better than it was.  Beanie Feldstein massively struggles to do a Black Country accent and it grates enormously by the end.

 

3/5

 

Knives Out

 

Brilliant fun to watch - everyone seems to recommend this so when I saw it on Amazon Prime, I was really excited about seeing it.  It didn't disappoint either - witty, exciting, well written and razor sharp (lolz), I'd recommend this to anyone.

 

4.5/5

[ZOK]

9 minutes ago, Boothjan said:

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

 

Tremendously entertaining Tarantino flick with Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio in top form.  Massively enjoyed this.

 

4.5/5

 

Midway

 

The most generic war film I can remember seeing, so generically dull and 'meh' that I can't imagine I'll remember anything about it in a week or so.  Nothing whatsoever to recommend here.

 

2/5

 

Joker

 

A quite spectacular performance from Joaquin Phoenix in one of the best films I have seen this year, if not THE best.  Sensational.

 

5/5

 

Heaven and Earth

 

An Oliver Stone filmed based on the Vietnam War should be more gripping than this - it's not bad, it just loses it's focus and it's way a long time before the end of the film.  

 

3/5

 

Searching

 

A lot better than I was expecting - a whodunnit based on the pros and cons of social media shouldn't be that watchable, but this is worth a look.

 

4/5

 

Fishermans Friends

 

The true story of how the shanty singers from Cornwall managed to break into showbusiness, which is slightly cheapened by too many cliches and stereotypical British rom com elements.  Still - a heart warming film that really made me want to go to a pub on the sea front.

 

4/5

 

We Were Soldiers

 

Hard hitting Mel Gibson film about Vietnam - I thought I'd seen this before but I hadn't - exciting, well paced and dramatic.

 

4/5

 

Spider-Man: Far From Home

 

Finally, my daughter and I have finished our MCU playthrough and we're up to date.  This is brilliant - a big improvement on Homecoming IMO and a perfect epilogue to End Game.  Tom Holland and Jake Gyllenhaal steal the show with a neat story littered with some great set pieces.

 

4.5/5

 

Risen

 

A daft film about the resurrection which severely diminishes the acting abilities of Joseph Fiennes and just becomes rather daft by the end.  

 

2/5

 

Loved Up

 

Apparently, this drama starring Ian Hart and Cersei from Game of Thrones was an educational film for children.  I wonder which bit they liked best - the sex scenes, the clubbing or the drug taking?  

 

3/5

 

How To Build a Girl

 

Written by Caitlin Moran about the start of her career writing for the NME, this entertained us sufficiently, but it really should have been better than it was.  Beanie Feldstein massively struggles to do a Black Country accent and it grates enormously by the end.

 

3/5

 

Knives Out

 

Brilliant fun to watch - everyone seems to recommend this so when I saw it on Amazon Prime, I was really excited about seeing it.  It didn't disappoint either - witty, exciting, well written and razor sharp (lolz), I'd recommend this to anyone.

 

4.5/5

Joker isn’t even the best film in that list!

[Boothjan]

8 minutes ago, ZOK said:

Joker isn’t even the best film in that list!

 

I thought it was - Knives Out and OUATIH were also superb but I absolutely loved Joker.  (I am of course assuming you don't mean Midway.....?!) 

[Ste Pickford]

If you're using '.5's, then surely you're rating out of 10?

[ZOK]

4 minutes ago, Boothjan said:

 

I thought it was - Knives Out and OUATIH were also superb but I absolutely loved Joker.  (I am of course assuming you don't mean Midway.....?!) 

I’ve not seen Knives Out, Midway or the Tarantino flick, but We Were Soldiers is in an entirely different league from Joker as a movie.

 

I do regard Joker as lightweight trash, mind you.

[Boothjan]

19 minutes ago, Ste Pickford said:

If you're using '.5's, then surely you're rating out of 10?

 

They're the ratings I give them on Letterboxd so I just use the same on here.

[Marlew]

Shin Godzilla 

 

I've never really seen much Godzilla aside from the original and some bits here and there of the B-movie stuff. This takes itself more seriously and feels like an homage to the first film. It's not subtle necessarily but it's played straight when it's being satirical and it's often funny. When it's being political, it can be quite broad. Juxtaposed with the immense nihilistic destruction, it is makes for a tonally quite odd film, but in the way that Japanese media seems to achieve successfully. The action scenes and creature designs are spectacular. It's very entertaining, pacy direction despite lots of dialogue, impactful cinematography. 

 

A solid 3.

[Minion]

3 hours ago, Boothjan said:

Loved Up

 

Apparently, this drama starring Ian Hart and Cersei from Game of Thrones was an educational film for children.  I wonder which bit they liked best - the sex scenes, the clubbing or the drug taking?  

 

3/5

 

Woah where did you find Loved Up? I enjoyed this A LOT when I was 15, I was able to source a VHS rip from the high seas years ago but if it's available on streaming platforms now I'd love to know?

 

Edit: Wow it's on prime, woohoo! Perfect get high film to enjoy at the weekend 

[Boothjan]

1 hour ago, Minion said:

 

Woah where did you find Loved Up? I enjoyed this A LOT when I was 15, I was able to source a VHS rip from the high seas years ago but if it's available on streaming platforms now I'd love to know?

 

Edit: Wow it's on prime, woohoo! Perfect get high film to enjoy at the weekend 

 

Just a word of warning - the quality is appalling!  I doubt it's any better than your ancient VHS rip!

[Minion]

33 minutes ago, Boothjan said:

 

Just a word of warning - the quality is appalling!  I doubt it's any better than your ancient VHS rip!

 

Thanks for the heads up, I bet it's a VHS rip too haha! But man what a film, I saw it just when I started experimenting with E myself so it was quite a find, we were so lucky with TV in the 90's,  so many good films were being shown and I immediately fell in love with Lena Heady because of this one.

[Marlew]

The New World (Terrence Malick) 

 

I love Terrence Malick films more than almost anything in existence, and this is probably my favourite. I don't cry very much but this makes me blub like nothing else. It's not even that it's heartbreaking, it's just such a love letter to...Earth, basically. It's also a glimpse of what could have been for human beings without civilisation or society or many of the oppressive systems which have limited our existence. It's also a wonderfully romantic earthly tale of love beyond language and culture. The Wagner Prelude which swirls and swells throughout is one of the greatest pieces of music I've ever heard. Every time it stirs, I start to choke up. The cinematography is like almost nothing outside of Malick films. 

 

FIVE

[ImmaculateClump]

Sputnik

 

Feels very Russian to begin with, nice and drab and foreboding, but it can't keep it up.
Very lightweight and flimsy and as dull as dishwater.
You will be unmoved for 2 hours.

 

*