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Rate the last film you watched out of 5

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Zombiegeddon (2003)

When Uwe Boll tells you not to watch this Troma zombie film because it's total shit, yet you still decide to watch it, you only have yourself to blame. Okay so it's Troma, you know the drill, but this really has little going for it, it's certainly not fun-bad, the humour misses the mark and lands somewhere in the vicinity of bad-taste-for-the-sake-of-it. Robert Z'Dar turns up to shout a bit and drop a few references to better days. Even the bloopers are bloody awful. There's better crap out there. 

 

0.5/5

 

 

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American Animals - 4/5

 

A neat little docuthriller with a couple of nice tricks up its sleeve and some genuinely tense moments. Worth a watch if you’ve got Prime.

 

Radio On - 4/5

 

This is a real curio, a flick from 1980 (iirc) about a moody dj who drives from London to Bristol to investigate the death of his brother, to a soundtrack of new wave and electro cassettes what he done got sent.

 

It doesn’t have a story as such, but if you like watching black and white footage of Broken Eighties Britain in a Kraftwerk soundscape you will be in heaven, the photography is stunning. It’s on BFI player. Also one for fans of quarries and deserted petrol stations.

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Freeway (1996)

 

Pretty much irredeemable trash: the story feels a bit of a mess at times and steps off the gas for a detour in the third act, before picking up again. Not long after that, it ends. And you're left thinking, "What the fuck was that?"

 

But you're also left thinking, "Wow, what a charismatic performance from Reese Witherspoon, and a super creepy one from Kiefer Sutherland." They both elevate the movie. Not enough to make it a great one, but enough to make it a watchable one.

 

3 out of 5

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Guest House Paradiso (1999)

I'd only heard bad, or at least not good things about what is essentially Bottom: The Movie, that it was nowhere near as good as the TV series and was too long. And yet I thoroughly enjoyed this. One of the great strengths of Bottom was the simplicity, it didn't stray too far from their crummy flat, with the bulk of the comedy coming from Richie and Eddie smacking each other about, their banter and some knob gags. This scales things up for the big screen just enough yet sticks to all the good things about the original show. The supporting cast are there more as a feed for jokes, much like Bottom. Damn it, this is far better than a lot of recent Hollywood "comedies". It's puerile and silly but that's why I love it. And it probably says something about me but the projectile vomiting in this had me in stitches.

 

4/5

 

 

 

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The Assassination of Jesse James by the coward Robert Ford

 

A touch on the meandering side, but overall gives a very good dramatised account of the events. There's some lovely cinematography, and excellent performances from all the cast.  

 

4/5

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The Shining.

6/5

 

Just amazing. The camera work on this film is phenomenal. That long tracking shot with the tricycle is fabulous and the sound of those wheels - carpet wood carpet wood carpet wood. Gaudy 70s colour clash sets and the soundtrack makes you feel exhausted and on edge. I love it. Watching it again, I felt this time it was about misogyny. I've seen it so many times without even thinking about that. That's why I love it. There's always something new.

 

7/5 :lol:

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Parasite.

 

It was alright. Seemed to be building nicely. Then it all just goes bonkers like they switched directors. Don't get the hype.

 

2.5/5

 

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Amazing Spider-Man 2 3/5

 

you watch this, and you know there's a better spider-man film in there, waiting to get out. I don't know if it's the use of Electro, or the Osborne b-story.

 

the parents prologue is good, and they should have leaned into that more, instead of recalling the the Raimi schmaltz of the previous trilogy, with it's epilogue

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Crank 2: High Voltage

 

I fancied watching something utterly ludicrous but thoroughly entertaining, and this was a perfect 90 minute distraction.

 

As a film: 2/5

As a pick-me-up: 5/5

 

 

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11 minutes ago, Curtis said:

Crank 2: High Voltage

 

I fancied watching something utterly ludicrous but thoroughly entertaining, and this was a perfect 90 minute distraction.

 

As a film: 2/5

As a pick-me-up: 5/5

 

 

I remember Andrew Collins walked out of this when the stripper's boobs were exploding. How times have changed.

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Dead Man's Shoes

 

Dark and depressing, just like life in the East Midlands. :lol: I joke of course, but as a shoe-string budget movie its still as powerful as the first time i saw it. Sure, some of the side cast are amatuer-hour, but Paddy shines in a career best performance that is truly scary. 

 

Shane Meadows has done a lot of great work that hits home because it always feels so personal and real (probably because the locations and stereotypical characters are my actual life experience). 

 

4/5

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Captain Fantastic

 

Right on, tree hugging hippy prick and family visit "normal" society to bury mum. Hilarity ensues as eco family interact with American stereotypes. 

 

I hated, absolutely hated, every single person in this film.  But, I was utterly engaged with the story and characters. The story smacks you over the head with the big cricket bat of obviousness in case you're too stupid to understand the message. 

 

Was he right? Was she led astray by his devotion? Is it child abuse to teach kids to kill their food? Blah blah blah. 

 

2 William Golding clichés out of 5

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Watched the pair of Blade Runner movies for the first time although I did play that PC point and click adventure back in the 90s.

 

Blade Runner - The Final Cut 3/5

 

I wanted to like this more than I did. The visuals are still magnificent (and I'd argue that the depiction of the city itself is still superior to the sequel. As beautiful as the cinematography is in 2049, the city looks a trifle sterile and lacking in grime in comparison) and the score was mostly good (I'll ignore the cheesy 'romantic' music that plays when Deckard turns into a rapist).

 

I found the movie itself quite frustrating though. There are lots of great individual scenes but they never formed a satisfying, cohesive whole for me. It feels bitty and meandering, the main story often being put on hiatus for long periods of time in service of sequences whose purpose was often not immediately obvious to me. It did all make sense in the end and if I watched the movie again I'd probably find it less bothersome but despite the extremely shallow core plot I sometimes struggled to understand where the movie was taking me.

 

By the end I did feel a bit 'is that it?' about it all but it's grown in my memory since watching it and I'd definitely be down for checking out the original theatrical release in the future I think.

 

Blade Runner 2049 - 4.5/5

 

This is more like it. A more intricate plot, better told, with richer thematic and emotional resonance while mostly retaining the strengths of the original. It somehow manages to continue the story about 3 decades later without feeling too contrived or fan-servicey. I do think it's a bit too long and you could probably lose about 20-30 minutes but it's still a hell of a movie.

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Cell

 

A film based on the Stephen King book of the same name, this is a very run of the mill post apocalyptic tale with the basic premise of "everyone has been turned into zombies by their mobile phones". John Cusack and Samuel L Jackson put in thoroughly average performances for a thoroughly average film. It doesn't do anything new or interesting, you be seen it all before, really.

 

One thing of note: the music they used for the climactic scene was Gerry Marsden (he of And The Pacemakers) and the whole of Anfield singing "You'll Never Walk Alone", I think from one of the Hillsborough memorials. Which was just a bit odd.

 

2/5

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I'm No Longer Here

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt4323594/

 

I saw Guillermo del Toro mention this film on twitter recently and it's on Netflix so I watched it last night. It's about a group of friends in a Mexican village who are trying to avoid the realities of the drug war and live the way they want. They are all fans of Colombian music and base they're identity and lifestyle around it. After a run-in with a local drug-dealer one of the kids is sent to New York to live with relatives there.

 

This was pretty good. It was well filmed and there was some lovely shots of the Mexican wilderness and New York cityscapes. The acting is decent and the main kid portrays a lost, culture-shocked teenager really well. The music and dancing are great and there's a sweet love-story that works nicely. 

 

Recommended.

 

3.5/5

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Logan

 

I hadn't seen it before but having heard a variety of comments about it I think I was expecting even less 'superhero' than we got. That isn't a bad thing though, it was just a little bit straighter than I had been led to believe but still a fresh step away from the franchise/genre and Jackman and Stewart were well up to the task.

 

It's a cheap comparison (and not fully accurate) but the description of "The Dark Knight" of the X-Men does give a sense of understanding where it sits. Definitely a solid way to see out that series though.

 

One thing I did think was that if you squint your eyes slightly there is a lot of The Last of Us in there. Jackman would make a good Joel.

 

4/5

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The Inglorious Bastards (1978)

Really enjoyable no-nonsense Italian war film from director Enzo Castellari. France 1944: a group of American soldiers on their way to military prison escape and try to make it to the Swiss border. Lots of explosions, gunfire, Germans, some twists and turns, all topped off with a chaotic episode aboard a train. Not much else to say other than Bo Svenson and Fred Williamson dispatch the enemy with style. Not seen the Tarantino one so can't say what he pinched from this.

 

3.5/5

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Dating Amber

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt7886936/

 

A mid-90s set, Irish rom-com about two gay teenagers, a boy and girl, who pretend to be dating to avoid being hassled by their class mates. 

 

This was decent enough but seemed a little confused about what it was trying to be. Some of the characters and performances are knockabout comedy but others are played dead straight. It makes for a weird mix. That aside the cast are good, the music choices are fine but not always period accurate and it's pretty clear what's going to happen right from the start. A tighter script and this could have been excellent but as it is, it's totally fine. 

 

A nice bit of escapism on a Sunday night - 3/5

 

 

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Birds of Prey

 

Not a good film. But it had some reasonable fight choreography, and ended pretty strongly. McGregor was shite throughout.

 

2/5

 

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Black KkKlansman: 4/5

 

I would honestly probably go 4.5/5, even though Spike Lee ain’t that subtle, but Topher Grace doing his Topher Grace thing just took me out of the movie long enough to knock it down the full point. Still pretty great though.

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On 06/06/2020 at 16:01, ZOK said:

American Animals - 4/5

 

A neat little docuthriller with a couple of nice tricks up its sleeve and some genuinely tense moments. Worth a watch if you’ve got Prime.

 

This was great. I was surprised to learn it was the director's first feature film, it seemed like the work of someone who'd been making movies for years.

 

He made a documentary in 2012 called The Imposter which is similarly stylised, with some dramatised scenes, and you can see the seed of American Animals in it. It's about another bizarre crime story, "The Chameleon" Frederic Bourdin:

 

Quote

Nicholas Barclay, aged 13 at the time he went missing, was last seen playing basketball with his friends in his home town of San Antonio, Texas, on 13 June 1994. Barclay never made it home and has not been seen or heard from since. In 1997, Bourdin took Barclay's identity and was flown to the United States. Although Bourdin had brown eyes and a French accent, he convinced the family he was their blue-eyed son, saying he had escaped from a child prostitution ring and the ring had altered his eye color. Bourdin lived with the family for almost five months until 6 March 1998.

 

 

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On 07/06/2020 at 10:23, ScouserInExile said:

Cell

 

A film based on the Stephen King book of the same name, this is a very run of the mill post apocalyptic tale with the basic premise of "everyone has been turned into zombies by their mobile phones". John Cusack and Samuel L Jackson put in thoroughly average performances for a thoroughly average film. It doesn't do anything new or interesting, you be seen it all before, really.

 

One thing of note: the music they used for the climactic scene was Gerry Marsden (he of And The Pacemakers) and the whole of Anfield singing "You'll Never Walk Alone", I think from one of the Hillsborough memorials. Which was just a bit odd.

 

2/5

 

The first 30 mins are actually quite good. A bit on the nose and not subtle at all but it's a good set up and then it just falls apart into nonsense.

The book is probably worse for this.

Similar to Bird Box and, even more similar to The Happening. 

The end of the film is quite different to the book. 

Stephen King always struggles to prolong a story and end it well and The Cell is probably the most obvious example of that.

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The Invisible Man (2020)

 

Not as good as the reviews had me believe. I did like the updated origin story, and making new Universal Monster movies on a low budget is a far better idea than the likes of Tom Cruise's The Mummy, but it dragged in places and the "invisible acting" had me laughing more than anything.

 

3/5

 

Long Shot

 

Leftie journalist Seth Rogan joins the writing team of presidential candidate Charlize Theron. The twist being Theron used to babysite Rogan's character who had a crush on her in high school. It's not laugh a minute but it had its moments and the chemistry between the two leads definitely makes this worth watching. Also has a good supporting cast of June Diane Raphael and Ice Cube Jr.

 

4/5

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The Family

 

Fun mafia-themed comedy with Robert de Niro and Michelle Pfeiffer 

 

3/5

 

Crash

 

Shocked myself that I hadn't seen this before.  A fantastic work of art full of drama and superb performances.

 

4.5/5

 

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

 

It's been years since I've seen this, but I found my DVD a few weeks back!  You can't find it anywhere anymore...  anyway, I still adore this film.  Annoyingly, my better half really didn't enjoy it. Pah.  It's a classic!!

 

4.5/5

 

10 Things We Should Do Before We Break Up

 

Still have no idea what this film is supposed to be - it's a muddled mess which takes too many twists and turns that really didn't work at all.  Shame.

 

2/5

 

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2

 

I keep reading on here that people rate the first instalment over this one, but I think this one just shades it.  Visually stunning with some fantastic set pieces (Yondu's arrow thing is fucking great) and a funnier Drax means it's my favourite GotG film.  My kids agree with you lot though - they like the first better.

 

4/5

 

Get Hard

 

Very very silly comedy starring Will Ferrell and Kevin Hart, that overuses tired racial cliches long before the end.

 

2.5/5

 

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Is that 'Crash' Crash, or 'Crash' Crash?

 

Also... stare at the word 'Crash' for a bit then try to pronounce it in your head. Weird!

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3 hours ago, Sabreman said:

Is that 'Crash' Crash, or 'Crash' Crash?

 

Also... stare at the word 'Crash' for a bit then try to pronounce it in your head. Weird!

 

Crash Crash. That crashy film with Don Cheadle and Sandra Bullock. 

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City of Life and Death (2009)

 

Well, that was harrowing.

 

The story of the Japanese conquering of Nanjing / Nanking. Also known as "the rape of Nanjing", a name which sets the tone.

 

It's told from both the Chinese and the Japanese side of things and, given the circumstances, the Japanese are very much the villains of the piece. They verge on pantomime villains at times. You'd say it was a blatant propaganda film, full of lies and exaggerations, were it not for the fact the horrors depicted all really happened (and worse). Though there is at least one sympathetic character amongst the Japanese, and one who kinda has a redemption spot. There's a couple of really good characters on the Chinese side and you root for them throughout. I found myself really willing some of them to survive. They're all real people as well, which I found added something.

 

It's fantastically shot - in black and white  - with a score that fits perfectly and has some brilliant acting. There's a few scenes that had me in the edge of my seat and some that had me on the verge of tears. But it's disturbing throughout, to the point where it it's almost a horror film.

 

A hard watch, but worth it, I would say.

 

I was going to give it 4/5, but I can't think of a reason to dock a point.

 

5/5 

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Mallrats 

 

First time ever seeing this in its entirety. Here is my review:

 

Kevin Smith is the most overrated fucking hack in the history of cinema. 

 

2/5

 

It's on Netflix if you're into this sort of thing. 

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