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Avengers Assemble

 

A bunch of indestructible CGI rubber balls fight another bunch of indestructible CGI rubber balls around CGI stages. No-one important can ever die - apart from the untold thousands of people as yet another skyscraper destroyed but who cares about them - and there's always some CGI Deus Ex Machina to get them out of a tricky situation and survive to the next... twelve of this things.  It's a good job that they have a high quality cast that look like they are having fun because you really need it to sell this rubbish.

 

I really don't like superhero movies.  I've tried.  God knows I've tried.  I thought that watching one of the good ones would help.  It doesn't.  But you can't argue with it's popular, so it must be good.  No rating /5

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Runaway Train (1985)

When I saw the iconic Cannon logo appear at the start of this I thought I was in for some dumb action, what I actually got was more a prison drama that largely takes place on an out-of-control train. You could describe the set-up as a bit clumsy, arsehole prison governor, abused prisoner, an escape and an unfortunate death of a train-driver. Eric Roberts' rubbery con was suitably irritating, making for the chalk to John Voight's loner con cheese.  A lot of the tension in this was implied, impending disaster never far away. And the train keeps on moving. The ending could only be described as beautiful and strangely moving, thanks to some epic music, lush snow-blown cinematography and something being left to the imagination; strangely subtle for a Cannon flick.

 

3/5

 

 

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Bacurau

 

An odd and very interesting Brazilian film. I watched it without knowing anything about the plot and felt that I appreciated it more upon reflection and reading a Guardian review of it that explained a bit of the symbolism and have it more meaning. 

 

3.5/5

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11 hours ago, Plissken said:

there's always some CGI Deus Ex Machina

 

Can you point one out? Almost all the events that happen in Avengers follow on from things that were previously established. The only thing I can think of that would potentially qualify as a deus ex machina is the revelation that Selvig built a weakness into his portal gadget despite being mind-controlled.

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Sausage Party

 

What the absolute fuck have I just seen? :lol:

 

Crude from the first second to the last, ridiculously silly and childish. But you know what? I'm not going to mark it down for that. My other half and I are both missing our family and friends, we spent all yesterday decorating, I ache to fuck as a result, we settled down with a lot of wine so this was just what we needed - mindless, stupid humour.

 

On any other day I'd have probably hated it. 

 

3/5

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57 minutes ago, Nick R said:

 

Can you point one out?


I meant individual situations. Like Loki falling off the roof and just happening to land on a passing ship. Black Widow jumping onto Captain America at the perfect time to catch and hold onto another passing ship (forget about breaking her arms). Jeremy Renner falls off a building but it’s OK because he just happens to have a magic grappling hook arrow next in line.  A chamber somehow strong enough to hold Loki and Thor is suddenly breakable just before it hits the ground. (And what’s the peril anyway when he’s a) been repeatedly smashed into the ground during a previous fight and b) a frickin’ god?  

 

Hulk destroys half of New York by simply bumping into it and then picks up Loki and smashes him into the floor several times and five minutes later Loki just walks away.
 

A magic flying aircraft carrier that had the longest, slowest, flattest fall in history. A finale that involves a nuke being fired on Manhattan which will quite possibly kill a couple of million people. Or about 25 more than the last 15 minutes of the Avengers crashing skyscrapers on heads. What? Were they jealous?

 

I get that it’s comic book logic. It’s just I’ve given up trying to get on board with comic book logic.

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The Story of Ricky

 

Been meaning to watch this one for a while. The gore is ridiculously OTT, but the “plot” drags sometimes. Which for a 90 minute movie, it really shouldn’t. Scenes seemed to be missing as well. I had no idea why Ricky gave such a shit about some of the deaths. I guess this is a drawback of trying to condense a sprawling manga into such a short running time.

 

That ending though, lol.

 

3 out of 5

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2 hours ago, Plissken said:


I meant individual situations. Like Loki falling off the roof and just happening to land on a passing ship. Black Widow jumping onto Captain America at the perfect time to catch and hold onto another passing ship (forget about breaking her arms). Jeremy Renner falls off a building but it’s OK because he just happens to have a magic grappling hook arrow next in line.  A chamber somehow strong enough to hold Loki and Thor is suddenly breakable just before it hits the ground. (And what’s the peril anyway when he’s a) been repeatedly smashed into the ground during a previous fight and b) a frickin’ god?  

 

Hulk destroys half of New York by simply bumping into it and then picks up Loki and smashes him into the floor several times and five minutes later Loki just walks away.
 

A magic flying aircraft carrier that had the longest, slowest, flattest fall in history. A finale that involves a nuke being fired on Manhattan which will quite possibly kill a couple of million people. Or about 25 more than the last 15 minutes of the Avengers crashing skyscrapers on heads. What? Were they jealous?

 

I get that it’s comic book logic. It’s just I’ve given up trying to get on board with comic book logic.

 

- Loki does this on purpose. He sees the ship coming.

- Black Widow does this on purpose. she sees the ship ciming.

- Hawkeyes arrowheads are interchangeable.  He does this on purpose.

- They aren't gods, just really strong and can die. Thor is the strongest  but barely escapes. 

- Loki is really strong, Hulk was not trying to kill him.

- Some engines were still working, hence the slow descent.

- Nuke fired to destroy the invading army and save the world. 

 

It's not comic book logic...it's all there if you pay attention. They have problems of course and I fully get why people don't like them btw.

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The Favourite - 5/5

 

Tremendous film about scheming at Queen Anne's court. Not what I was expecting at all. Olivia Coleman, Emma Stone and Rachel Weisz are incredible and it's wonderfully shot. 

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Pacific Rim

 

totally sincere, incredibly earnest, and better than Godzilla KOTM I watched yesterday

 

5/5

 

Toy Story 4/5

 

Kind of a coda, to an already completed cycle. Though I did like the way the antiques shop recalled Rapture in Biodhock. And it certainly looks good

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Netflix day yesterday....

 

Screwball - 3/5

 

Breezy doc about the 1990s steroid scandal in baseball. Wouldn’t trust any of the talking heads further than I could pitch them but the story is entertaining.

 

Dealt - 3/5

 

Surprisingly heartfelt doc about the card mechanic Richard Turner. An absolute master of his craft, some of the sleight of hand needs to be rewatched several times. Led me down a YouTube rabbit hole afterwards.

 

Lost Girls - 3/5

 

Tragic drama about missing girls in Long Island. It’s a fairly routine film elevated by Amy Ryan’s lead performance. She’s always dependable and here brings wrought emotion that underlines the complete shitshow unfolding around her.

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Birds of Prey (2020)

 

There's a scene where Ewan McGregor's Roman Sionis aka Black Mask says to Harley Quinn, "You’re so tiresome!"

 

That sums up this silly try-hard bollocks, perfectly. 

 

Back in the day, everyone involved in this would be blacklisted and not allowed within a mile of Hollywood. 

 

Makes Tank Girl look like Akira. 

 

0/5

 

 

 

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Zero Dark Thirty

 

Unliekable people doing unlikeable things  in the hunt for Osama Bin Laden.This is basically Jessica Chastain's movie and she's reasonably decent in it  and overall it's a  moderately restrained  look at the 10-15 year hunt for Osama. If the amount of intelligence they went off for the actual raid is as slight as the movie makes out then fuck me dead . There had to be an action set piece at the end and again it's fairly restrained . I'm sure there's large portions of the story omitted  as well as timeline seems to jump between years but that's understandable given that it would probably be 5 hours long otherwise.

 

Also watched it on free to air here in Oz, i.e ad breaks every 10 minutes which is ridiculous - no wonder these channels  dying on their arses .

 

3/5

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On 21/03/2020 at 21:56, Sapa said:

Bacurau

 

An odd and very interesting Brazilian film. I watched it without knowing anything about the plot and felt that I appreciated it more upon reflection and reading a Guardian review of it that explained a bit of the symbolism and have it more meaning. 

 

3.5/5

 

 

I thought Bacurau was exceptional. 

 

As you say, very odd, but incredibly engrossing for just that reason. Every character seemed like the had a story to tell even if most didn't get to tell them and I enjoyed how the movie took a turn for the unexpected in the second half. The blasted heated Western atmosphere was ace too.

 

Pretty overt in its love for John Carpenter but that is never a bad thing.

 

4/5 for me.

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8 hours ago, SeanR said:

Goonies 5/5

 

every time I watch it it seems like it takes longer to get to the fratellis

 

It depends. The theatrical cut with the hanging scene or the child friendly edit where it starts in the diner?

I'd never seen the theatrical cut until we showed it to our kids when they were 5 and 6. 

"What is he doing Dad?"

:hmm:

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4 hours ago, SeanR said:

Sky Cinema: Starts with the hanging scene. I guess I meant it takes longer to get to the diner, so yeah, that.

 

I'm quite surprised at that. The last time I watched it, I noticed there was mild swearing in it too. On my DVD copy.  I don't think I've seen a TV broadcast with that opening scene before; the film doesn't really need it in terms of the context.

 

Watched Conan The Barbarian yesterday evening.

5/5

I remember being given the Graphic Novel by my Dad when it was out at the cinema.  I was only 6 at the time and he rented it on VHS when it came out in the video shop - blew my mind and it's still an amazing film. The casting is simply perfect.  A few years later he bought me Robocop for my birthday.

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The General - Goodfellas set in 1990s Dublin with Brendan Gleeson and Jon Voight from the director of Deliverance.

Lots of good performances, Gleeson pretty much carries the whole movie and comes off as likeable when I expect the guy in real life was a massive cunt. 

BUT: don't watch the version on Amazon Prime as it's some mad re-coloured (Queens Boulevard style) version with lots of horrific ADR'd pre-watershed TV swearing (robocop style).

4/5 for my memories of the original. FUCKSAKE/5 for Amazon's version.

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Birds of Prey - 1/5

 

Humour for 13 year olds, annoying main character, boring by the numbers plot, poorly written script. Migraine enduring cinematography and art direction. 

 

Ewan McGregor hamming it up was the only decent thing. 

 

If I was a 13 year old girl I might have loved it. 

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I watched Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) a month ago (when it still had its original, superior title), so it's not the last film I watched.

 

But to provide some balance to the above two reviews, I'm going to say that I gave it 3.5/5 and thought it was better than Shazam, Aquaman, and Joker. (And Tank Girl.) :P

 

 

@John Edward Gammell @RYAN WHITELAW Where did you watch it, anyway - the streaming purchase release isn't until tomorrow, is it? Did you yarr it? :o

 

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Captain fantastic - 4/5

 

About a mad communist guy (Vigo Mortenstein) living off the grid with his kids some shit happens and they have to interact with society. Really good. Can't remember the last twenty minutes or so was fucking hammered when I watched it. 

 

It's on Netflix. 

 

Ladybird - 3/5 

 

A coming of age story. Content wise it was just ok, but it had a good vibe to it. Whatever the fuck that means. 

 

Also on Netflix. 

 

Extra Ordinary 2/5

 

This looked like exactly the type of thing I would love. But I didn't. The jokes were all very on the nose. Was bored shitless half way through. 

 

Also on Netflix. 

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The Invisible Man - 3/5

 

Well that was solid, I did hear good things though. Could have been total shit but was well made with a great performance by Moss. 

 

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Monty Python (live): One Down, Five To Go - 4/5

 

Backstage with the Pythons as they prepare and perform their final 10 nights at the O2.  Honest, as always, and look, it's just a delight to watch five of the all time greats working together for one last time.

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