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Rate the last film you watched out of 5


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35 minutes ago, Stopharage said:

Amsterdam. 1/5. Bloat: The movie. 
 

Just a mess. Superfluous scenes, Mike Myers is Basil Exposition, ropey script, far too many stars thrown into the mix and a largely dull plot. It’s incredibly boring. 

 

Does Taylor Swift have much screen time?

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6 hours ago, Silent Runner said:

 

Does Taylor Swift have much screen time?

Firstly, I didn’t even realise she was in it until the end credits. 
I’d say she has about 

Spoiler

5 minutes or so

of screen-time. 
 

It’s such a waste of a movie. Bale is great throughout but it’s just so ploddingly dull. So many unnecessary scenes whilst other key plot issues are rushed through. I came out of the cinema annoyed at the whole thing. 

 

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58 minutes ago, Stopharage said:

It’s such a waste of a movie. Bale is great throughout but it’s just so ploddingly dull. So many unnecessary scenes whilst other key plot issues are rushed through. I came out of the cinema annoyed at the whole thing. 


I feel like this paragraph could also be about American Hustle. God I hated that. 

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9 hours ago, Timmo said:

I feel like this paragraph could also be about American Hustle. God I hated that. 

 

I was just about to say that. I'm not even close, 9 hours, nowhere near. The only thing that made American Hustle tolerable at the cinema was Amy Adams in a low cut dress. 

 

Getting far too many big name actors than he deserves to chat crap to eachother while playing dress up in a film with no plot or momentum seems to be what David O Russell does. 

 

Christian Bale talking to Simon Mayo was enthusiastic about it, the character he plays being someone who got a raw deal in life but is infinitely positive. I'm not sure i like Bale in comedies, or just the comedies he chooses are by obnoxious writers. He's not bad in any of them, he just picks better dramas. 

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American Dragons (1998)

Straight-to-video culture clash buddy cop tale. American cop Michael Biehn gets teamed up with Korean inspector Joong-Hoon Park investigating assassinations of Yakuza. Heavily reliant on cliches in all areas, the plot is serviceable at best, yet the action has some style to it in a Woo-lite kind of fashion. Definitely a cut above the usual STV cop drama.

 

3/5

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Snake Eyes - G.I. Joe Origins  (2021)

 

I always liked Action Force as a kid.  I had loads of the toys (early UK Action force and later US G.I. Joe rebranded as Action Force), and found the G.I. Joe cartoon very enjoyable.  I even bought the odd comic here and there.  I thought Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow were the two best characters and have fond memories of a comic storyline with them somehow playing a game of chess spoken aloud with no board or peices in sight while they were either fighting each other or fighting other people/off doing other things.  I think it might have been voice messages left on each others answering machines or something.  It was over thirty years ago now so I can't remember it very well and considering Snake Eyes doesn't speak at all in any earlier outings than this film to my knowledge, I have no idea how he communicated his moves to Storm Shadow...  Maybe it wasn't Storm Shadow with Snake Eyes thinking about it now..  Might have been Storm Shadow with soem other non-cobra dude when Storm Shadow was in one of his 'solo-not-quite-a-bad-guy' outings.

I also enjoyed the two G.I. Joe live action movies made in 2009 and 2013 (I'd give them 3/5 each).

 

So, I was set to enjoy this and was looking forward to what they would do with an origins story that was already given in one of the other two live action films.

 

Meh, a let down really.  Completely retconned the origin story from the earlier films and wasted a good set of characters.  I did like the Ashakagi clan though.  Two other G.I. Joe characters rock up in this too, and they're also pretty shit.

 

If you aren't a fan and/or thought the 2009/2013 films were shit, then this really isn't for you.

 

1.5 katana's and electric bikes out of 5

 

No Timber Wolf either.

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Bullet Train - 1 out of 5

 

I was in the mood for an easy to watch action film and this got some ok word of mouth reviews. Half an hour of setting up terrible, paper thin characters with no action at all. It then has some ok action scenes but quickly falls off a cliff again and I look and there is still an hour left of this shit, so I gave up.

 

This is from the guy who gave us the bollocks Atomic Blonde and Deadpool 2. I wish I had checked. I admit it is impressive how a film set in Japan managed to reduce the amount of main Asian characters to basically one and treated him like a joke. They made the big bad, who is also somehow a Yakuza boss a white guy as well ffs! I know English speaking Asian actors complain about not being given Hollywood opportunities, this would be a great example of that. Plus the big surprise cameo's joke seemed to just be "he is gay lol" depressingly.

 

Absolute shite.

 

Edit - After a Google its based on a Japanese novel where all the main characters are Japanese. So they kept the setting but changed 90% of the main cast to non Asian people. Which is one of the biggest cases of Whitewashing I've ever seen in a Hollywood film.

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Hellraiser (2022)

 

I was really disaapointed in this. The story was pretty by the numbers and amounted to nothing more than a slasher type film with a bunch of Gen Zs running away from the boogeymen whilst the lead spent the whole film crying. Hellraiser can offer you up the chance to do so much more, be really creative and interesting but they took the most boring and least interesting route with it, a story centred around a troubled young adult with addiction problems whose friends get taken out 1 by 1. It's just dull, lazy and overused.

 

I did appreciate that it tried to do something a little different towards the end with the lore, but the lead up to it just wasn't that good or inventive. It doesn't trust itself (and in turn doesn’t trust a modern audience) to have the outright sleaze, depravity, transgressiveness or truly horrific edge of the originals. I think they bothered more about what the Cenobites looked like than anything else.

 

The Cenobites do look great in their own way, the make-up effects are spectacular but they also look a little too clean, plastic and tidy around the edges, not nearly as dirty or gnarly as I'd like them to be. They're also badly lit, all look very similar and not very distinctive at all.

 

I was so routing for Jamie Claytons Pinhead too, but hers just doesn't just come off as menacing or threatening as Doug Bradleys at all. I don't want to compare but it's hard not too when someone it taking on the mantle of a horror icon, but this version of Pinhead just blends in with all the other Cenobites rather than being a commanding central performance. I'm all for different interpretations but this one just wasn't that memorable unfortunately.

 

Overall, it's a real shame, because this series was ripe for a retelling, but what they've done with it is pretty much what mainstream Hollywood does with all 70s/80s horror and made a modern day watered down run of the mill horror, that's also too long. Even the deaths aren't that inventive or gruesome, they're just dull.

 

2/5

 

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Top Gun Maverick 

 

This was ace. A proper 80s action film made in the 2020s. Call backs to the original were great and weren't too in your face. Full of great, almost cartoonish characters. Good acting. Great action. Decent, 80s action film plot. Just loads of fun throughout.

 

It had it all, really.

 

5/5

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I rewatched The Final Destination on Netflix this week and absolutely loved it, although it did lose a bit by not being in 3D (I remember it standing out as one of the great reasons for 3D in the cinema, all the over the top deaths and things flying into the screen :D )

 

Anyway, it still stands as an absolute pinnacle of cinema - I utterly love this kind of popcorn trash nonsense and love seeing the elaborate ways the writers come up with to kill off the cast of young, good looking people.

 

5/5 - We're long overdue yet another sequel.

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Nothing But The Night (1973)

Despite this starring Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee this is more a mystery thriller than Hammer-style horror, although the thrills take a fair while to appear due to the rather meandering plot initially. Thankfully things pick up in the second half and especially towards the end where patient viewers will be rewarded amply. This has a full-on British 70s film feel, from the soundtrack to the photography, and the presence of people like Keith Baron, Michael Gambon, Fulton Mackay, plus Diana Dors who was well cast in her role, even if she didn't get much to do with it later in the film. It's not perfect, the lack of urgency towards the middle drags this down, but stick with it.

 

3/5

 

 

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6 hours ago, Stifler said:

I rewatched The Final Destination on Netflix this week and absolutely loved it, although it did lose a bit by not being in 3D (I remember it standing out as one of the great reasons for 3D in the cinema, all the over the top deaths and things flying into the screen :D )

 

Anyway, it still stands as an absolute pinnacle of cinema - I utterly love this kind of popcorn trash nonsense and love seeing the elaborate ways the writers come up with to kill off the cast of young, good looking people.

 

5/5 - We're long overdue yet another sequel.

The concept for the Final Destination films is so good it could work as a reboot if the people involved understand what made the originals work. It's not just about the deaths, it's those elaborate set-ups that draw the viewer along, the combination of setting, premonitions, subtle focus on small details before the pay-off which in many cases wasn't totally obvious either. That's tough to do and in the wrong hands would be a disaster.

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Absolutely - it's the slow burn in the lead up to the deaths that absolutely make them.

I might re-watch the series if they're all available to stream - I remember the last one being particularly good, and as I said they're some of the few movies where it felt worthwhile paying to see in 3D as it just seemed to add to the overall ridiculousness of some of the set-ups.

 

Utter popcorn nonsense at it's best :D

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20 hours ago, Orion said:

Bullet Train - 1 out of 5

 

I was in the mood for an easy to watch action film and this got some ok word of mouth reviews. Half an hour of setting up terrible, paper thin characters with no action at all. It then has some ok action scenes but quickly falls off a cliff again and I look and there is still an hour left of this shit, so I gave up.

 

This is from the guy who gave us the bollocks Atomic Blonde and Deadpool 2. I wish I had checked. I admit it is impressive how a film set in Japan managed to reduce the amount of main Asian characters to basically one and treated him like a joke. They made the big bad, who is also somehow a Yakuza boss a white guy as well ffs! I know English speaking Asian actors complain about not being given Hollywood opportunities, this would be a great example of that. Plus the big surprise cameo's joke seemed to just be "he is gay lol" depressingly.

 

Absolute shite.

 

Edit - After a Google its based on a Japanese novel where all the main characters are Japanese. So they kept the setting but changed 90% of the main cast to non Asian people. Which is one of the biggest cases of Whitewashing I've ever seen in a Hollywood film.

I thought this looked awful from the trailer. To learn it comes from the same director as Atomic Blonde (quite possibly the worst film I’ve ever seen) is no surprise.

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Top Gun: Maverick 5/5

 

Perfect, just perfect, watched it twice now - absolutely brilliant.

 

Bullet Train - 4.5/5

 

I went into this blind, really enjoyed it. Yes it was a bit weird with lots of English/American actors on the Japanese train and it definitely wasn't realistic but time flew by and I'll quite happily watch it again, gave me a few laughs too.

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Chip & Dale Rescue Rangers (2022) - 3.5/5

 

This is pretty good! Takes a little while to get going but once they're into the swing of things it's quite funny, John Mulaney and Andy Samberg are great picks for the lead voices. It looks great too. It unavoidably owes a lot to Who Framed Roger Rabbit (in fact I only watched it because RLM mentioned it in their re:View episode) but it does its own interesting thing too. Most of the humour is about Hollywood recycling old properties from the 80s and 90s so I do wonder how much kids would get out of that side of things but it's good fun nonetheless.

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Meet Cute - 2/5 (work screener)

 

If the film maintained the energy and verve of its opening act, would have no qualms about hailing this as an indie gem. As it is, Kaley Cuoco puts in a good shift as a time-travelling romantic interest, with Pete Davidson more subdued than normal opposite her.

 

Not bad, just doesn’t really stick it’s landing, and in the end feels like a bit of a missed opportunity. Certainly Cuoco’s performance is more deserving of a better film.
 

Bros - 3/5 (work screener)

 

An absolutely fine rom-com, sweet in places, OTT in others, with the key hook being it’s the most mainstream LGBTQ+ skewed film ever released. Is that a marketing gimmick or an actual progressive moment? I saw the film largely as a positive. 
 

Bros is a solid skewering of classic rom-coms and in that it succeeds with plenty of laughs along the way, even if the runtime feels a little stretched by the finale.

 

(#776-777)

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Glengarry Glen Ross -5/5

 

One Man and his Shoes - 3.5/5

A documentary about the Jordan brand and marketing. Focusing on his shoes. I recently got a pair of Jordan 1's and to be honest, I feel kinda bad about owning them now after watching this, even though I have wanted a pair since I was 10. Being in Scotland, It's good to know I'm not going to get shot to death over them though. 

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GoldenEra - 2/5 (work screener)

 

Documentary about the making of Goldeneye (think it was on the Philips Atari 4000 or something) Found what could have been a really interesting doc pretty drab, with far too many you had to be there moments that overshadowed the few juicy tidbits. Ends up mostly being a load of people going, 'Goldeneye was great' or 'we had a good time making Goldeneye', mostly. Did make me wish I had friends to play local multiplayer with though. Last time I did was about four years ago, when we all lost our collective minds playing Gang Beasts.

 

Still, Goldeneye, decent game, average doc.

 

(#778)

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