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Elden Ring - chortlesome japes


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17 minutes ago, Doctor Shark said:


Aah the animations. How would like them to change how a parry is animated? How about a big overhead slash with a huge sword? How should that be done differently to how it has been done in the previous games? The animations are fine. They make sense. Changing them for the sake of it would just take up resources better spent elsewhere, same as improving the graphics on those “dogshit” trees. Similarly, changing the animations would mess with any muscle memory long-time fans of the series have built, who know the animations and what they can/can’t do in combat as a result. It’d be like changing the animations in a Monster Hunter game. 
 

also, FROM games have never been graphical powerhouses. Miyzaki has said a number of times they value art direction over graphical fidelity
 

I look forward to the rest of your usual roller coaster of opinions in due course! ;)
 

Seriously, though, I really hope it lands on the positive side for you, I reckon you’ll really love it if you give it the time. 

 

 

The art direction and thus atmosphere are just incredible. Looks so beautiful at times. And certain times of day, weather and lighting are just stunning.

 

Been out all morning with my daughter and have friends arriving shortly for rest of the day. And all I can think about is this...lol!

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44 minutes ago, CrichStand said:

Is there a way to reveal these invisible enemies, or have I just got to trial and error past them? Seems almost impossible to remember where they all are. Playing as a Vagabond, base weapons, base stats apart from Endurance, which I’ve upgraded twice. 

 

I know this is bait but wait, what? So you're level 3?!

 

 

Edit: To clarify, 3 over where you started from. Comical. 

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5 minutes ago, geldra said:

You playing on PC? That might be a bug. 


Nah, on PS5. I thought it was a bug at first myself, proper shit me up! It’s definitely not though. Some of the enemies on this are absolutely horrific. Had one bit in this area where I launched out of my seat I jumped that much when it lunged at me. Can somebody give me a heads please......are there spiders in this?

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So I think the way summoning pools work is that you need to activate them and then at any time you can use the small golden effigy item and your summon sign will be sent to several nearby summoning pools that you've activated. I used the small golden effigy in a catacomb and got whisked away to a castle other side of the map to help someone with the boss.

 

I assume it's a way to make sure there's more people available to be summoned without them actually having to stand right outside a specific boss door like they did in previous games (though you can do that too if you want of course)

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4 minutes ago, Len said:

 

I know this is bait but wait, what? So you're level 3?!


Mate, I’m straight up and don’t chat shit. If I give an opinion or say something it’s genuine. Vagabond started at Level 9. 

 

1 minute ago, Number 28 said:

@CrichStandIs that the...

  Reveal hidden contents

sorcery village place? I can't get it out my head that they all look like a blue version of this;

image.png.ace0b2af6b8eb67e5b866895015ddcd6.png

 

 

Nah, something different. But I’m having flashbacks to the place I got transported to at the start of the game looking at that youth! Lol.

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Has anyone else found a completely random mirror/portal out in the open world tucked behind some bushes that took them to a bloody

Spoiler

bestiary world

?! 🤪

 

Just remembered that happened last night. 

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1 hour ago, Anne Summers said:

What's with the bit in Stormwhatsit castle where you enter through a side entrance and 

  Reveal hidden contents

There's a sort of throne room (well a big chair) and you can't use your sword (like in the round table area). Doesn't seem to be anything to do in there? 

 

 

That’s basically where you end up when you’re finished there. You can carry on and skip the whole castle if you want.

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32 minutes ago, Len said:

 

I know this is bait but wait, what? So you're level 3?!

 

 

Edit: To clarify, 3 over where you started from. Comical. 

 

I'm interested in getting the weapon he has as I've come across loads of enemies I can't one shot. I started as a wretch and am now level 5 I think. I have a sword but it still takes a few swipes on most.

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Just had a really cool Dark Souls “ah, I’m back here moment”. Found a lift up out of the place I was in and have arrived back in the bloody area I was transported to at the start of the game! Lol. Getting straight back on the lift, naturally.

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10 minutes ago, Keyboard Koala said:

How's that for recognition of your hard work?

Vaatividya made the official European tutor of Elden Ring fighting techniques:

 

 


Yes. I posted it yesterday. Then someone else posted it earlier today. It’s good. :P

 

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Can a Vagabond cast a healing spell? I could learn the small HP heal spell and attached it to the up arrow on d-pad. It doesn't seem to allow me to actually use it even if I take some damage, it seems like I have enough FP to cast it.

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16 minutes ago, Kryptonian said:

 

I'm interested in getting the weapon he has as I've come across loads of enemies I can't one shot. I started as a wretch and am now level 5 I think. I have a sword but it still takes a few swipes on most.


Fuck’s sake! Please read what I’m saying properly and take it on board.......
 

I’m playing as a Vagabond. Started at Level 9. I’ve only upgraded endurance. Base weapons, no upgrades. Using the Halberd. I explored by heading South and then travelling along the coast Eastward. Whilst doing so I only encountered loads of Orcs, Knights and Dogs. They all can be one shotted. The only other enemies I found were 1 big blob, 1 big crab and a thing scraping a tree. These don’t attack you if you walk past at distance. 
 

That is what I’ve said now numerous times which seems to have been translated into.......you can one shot every enemy on the map, the game is crap, this is not as good as BOTW, not enjoying it etc.....which is absolute bollocks.

 

Edit - Just remembered there were some bats right at the start of the journey that took 2 hits each and 1 specific dog that I think took 2 hits. 

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3 minutes ago, Totoro said:

Can a Vagabond cast a healing spell? I could learn the small HP heal spell and attached it to the up arrow on d-pad. It doesn't seem to allow me to actually use it even if I take some damage, it seems like I have enough FP to cast it.

If it's a healing miracle, you need a seal equipped to cast it. I'm not sure if there's a healing sorcery (for which presumably you'd need a staff/catalyst?)

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2 hours ago, CrichStand said:


I went off exploring right from the start, kicked the shit out of everything in the opening area.

 

...

 

One shotted everything on the way with my base character and base Halberd. Got bored. 

 

2 hours ago, CrichStand said:


Try exploring for the best part of 10hrs, whilst one shoting endless bog standard enemies and finding absolutely nothing! 

 

20 hours ago, CrichStand said:

I’m really not understanding all these comments about amazing discoveries or challenging battles. I’m literally killing everything in a single hit with a base character and base start game Halberd.

 

It just sounded like a decent weapon 🤷‍♂️

 

Nothing I have does that :) 

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Just now, Kryptonian said:

 

 

 

It just sounded like a decent weapon 🤷‍♂️

 

Nothing I have does that :) 


Read what you’ve quoted again! The answer is there........”one shotted everything ON THE WAY”.  The quotes are talking about the journey I made down the coast. You’ve then added in a quote that takes what I’ve said totally out of context so it appears I’m talking about the whole game, which is obviously bullshit! Lol. Why no quotes about the bosses and other enemies I’ve mentioned? Some people!

 

But yeah, get yaself a base Halberd, hit Lv 9 and have some one shot fun. Don’t forget to jump and strong attack to do it properly like a boss. :)

 

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Spoiler for the southern most area of the map:

 

Spoiler

Castle Morne. Some freaky, freaky shit in there! 
 

Beat the boss at the end, the Leonine Misbegotten, and got a grafted great sword, which is a fucking huge sword made of lots of normal sized swords. It’s like someone took the iron throne from Game of Thrones and turned it into a massive sword :lol:

 

Just look at this beast!

 

https://www.xbox.com/play/media/6G6234QZ

 

 

 

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2 minutes ago, CrichStand said:

Read what you’ve quoted again! The answer is there........”one shotted everything ON THE WAY”.  The quotes are talking about the journey I made down the coast.

 

I know what I quoted, I highlighted the words after reading them and quoted it. As I said, my sword doesn't do that and I'm interested in getting the weapon you have that does do that as it would make lots of the game that bit easier :) 

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2 minutes ago, Doctor Shark said:

Spoiler for the southern most area of the map:

 

  Reveal hidden contents

Castle Morne. Some freaky, freaky shit in there! 
 

Beat the boss at the end, the Leonine Misbegotten, and got a grafted great sword, which is a fucking huge sword made of lots of normal sized swords. It’s like someone took the iron throne from Game of Thrones and turned it into a massive sword :lol:

 

 

 


Is that…

 

Spoiler

The bit behind the castle with the imp/gargoyle guys and glowing jellyfish. Was about to try that boss but there were loads of messages saying you might need a bow so I noped out for now. 

 

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1 minute ago, spanx said:


Is that…

 

  Reveal hidden contents

The bit behind the castle with the imp/gargoyle guys and glowing jellyfish. Was about to try that boss but there were loads of messages saying you might need a bow so I noped out for now. 

 


Yes and you don’t. 

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Vagabond is definitely easy mode start. Just unequip one of your two weapons to mid roll and you can tank hits and clobber most things early doors. My Prophet was dying regularly and doing little damage in comparison.

 

Quick question, I've got to the castle and explored it's maze like structure back to the starting gate, but how do you actually open the gate?

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3 hours ago, El Spatula said:

Moz is somewhat prone to hyperbole and mysteriously seems to get all the worst bugs in every game ever somehow.


Already posted video evidence and around 50% of players of the PC version are having the same experience judging by Steam reviews, and Digital Foundry already corroborated everything I’ve said in a video posted today with a breakdown of shader cache issues (though their examples are not as bad as it is on my system, in the video evidence I’ve posted) but OK. 

 


If you want to tell me you think multiple freezes of this severity every minute is playable, even at 800x600 lowest settings, be my guest. 
 

 

Anyway, I’ve now got the PC, PS4 and PS5 version of this. If you’re playing anything but the PS4 version on PS5 you’re being properly mugged off. It’s laughably, stupidly better than any other configuration. 

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