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What’s the worst film you have ever seen?


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Mainstream film -, The Happening, closely followed by Batman & Robin.

 

That first scene in The Happening, bodies falling off roofs etc,wow this is going to be good....no, no,wrong there, they are running away from the wind for the whole film!

 

But really I can't remember the worst film I've ever watched because I've blanked them out.  Some films are so awful they shouldn't be remembered.

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6 hours ago, jerellis1 said:

I always have my answer ready for whenever this question comes up. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Proof of Life:

 

 

I saw it at a press screening back in 2000 when I was working at Capital Radio - at the screening it was just me, my senior exec, and the agency reps who we were hoping would choose us for its radio advertising campaign. In the taxi on the way back I just couldn't help myself, and I spent about 20 minutes ranting about how terrible a film it was. We never got the booking from the agency after that and I got a serious ticking off for not keeping my mouth shut in the taxi. Had to be done though!

 

It’s like they made a war film with Nookie Bear.

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21 hours ago, DukeOfEarlsfield said:

This is one of the worst concepts for a movie ever. Take Anne Rice writing bondage porn under a nom de plume and then try and make a romantic comedy out of it. Where the ‘comedy’ is provided by Rosie O’Donnel and Danananan Ackroyd in full on wacky mode.

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And still managed to be worse than that poster.

 

Completely destroyed Paul Mercurio’s chance of a career in Hollywood.

 

 

 

 

Meow that looks terrible.

 

heres the whole film on YouTube!

 

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16 hours ago, linkster said:

I was a huuuuuuuuuuuuuge fan of No Retreat No Surrender when I was a kid and bought it on DVD about 10 years ago. The disc was still spinning when it left the house soon after. Gutted. Fights were still good though.

 

Even as idiot youths that was a third-tier arts-'em-up for most of us, but it has genre-best choreography that somehow went over my head at the time. It's like we didn't buy into the kid because he's too dorky, when the typical choreo from the big names took way more suspension of disbelief.

 

It's not the worst film by a long shot, but I think The Lost World wins for me on moans per minute. Almost everything that goes wrong is the result of its characters' stupidity, but unlike a classic horror where that's part of the fun, they were supposed to be intelligent. They wrote themselves into corners by having Massively Secure™ measures to show how threatening Rex was, but then obviously had to employ incompetence to actually release him. A film of constantly dangled peril as a result of the characters' dumb actions. I wanted Rex to just eat them.

 

I haven't seen it for ages, but I remember Predator 2 coming under the same banner. Although at least our boy Pred was a legit smart hunter. (Well, he was the class clown of his year, but you know what I mean.)

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23 hours ago, Darwock said:

 

Freddie got Fingered.

 

Back in the early 2000s my drinking buddies and I loved us some daft/crap movies, Austin Powers 2 quotes were our bread and butter.

 

One day my mates started introducing all these new references I didn't get - told me about this movie and were bigging it up massively.

 

They brought it round to watch before we went out one time. After about 5 minutes being subjected to it I was asking myself 'who are these people I call my friends???'

 

 

 

I mean, they're people who liked Austin Powers 2, which is exactly the same kind of thing as Freddy got fingered?

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Austin Powers 2 is not even close to being the same sort of thing as Freddie Got Fingered. AP2 is a big-budget studio comedy with lots of catchphrases and the occasional mild gross-out joke; FGF is like outsider art with rape jokes.

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7 hours ago, Escaped said:

 

Even as idiot youths that was a third-tier arts-'em-up for most of us, but it has genre-best choreography that somehow went over my head at the time. It's like we didn't buy into the kid because he's too dorky, when the typical choreo from the big names took way more suspension of disbelief.

 

I haven't seen it for ages, but I remember Predator 2 coming under the same banner. Although at least our boy Pred was a legit smart hunter. (Well, he was the class clown of his year, but you know what I mean.)

I think it's JCVD's best movie just for the fights, which are basically all that matters. But gotta love a Dutch Russian who gets provoked simply by being reminded he's Russian. He's such a great baddie. Could you begin to imagine if Lee had lived long enough to play a baddie?

 

Predator 2 I've never liked cos I just think it's racist and ugly

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On 11/03/2019 at 11:56, Stanley said:

[Highlander 2]

 

Most disappointing sequel of all time without question, just everything about it was total shit. I remember walking out of the cinema with my brother totally gobsmacked, neither of us could speak.

 

Oh, man, yeah - I really enjoyed the cheesefest that was the first movie, despite the only genuine scottish accent belonging to an egyptian character called Ramirez. Because he was played by Sean Connery, in Sean Connery's only accent.

 

But I had wiped the existence of that terrible sequel from my memory. *Shudders*. thanks for reminding me.

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Eyes Wide Shut is so weird and boring and depressing that I've never managed to watch it all the way to the end. If 'worst' involves expectation over reality, then it has to be this. Stanley Kubrick making a film about sex and sex cults starring Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, oh my God yes.... actually no, no thank you.

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Insemniod. An Alien rip off that had the blurb 'wait till you see the alien f**k with its transparent p***k!' on the box. A young teenage me couldn't pay for it quick enough from my local Blockbuster. The scene in question was part of a woman's leg (her bent knee with a bit of calf' and a clear plastic tube that someone was pouring some green jelly down off screen). Give me a facehugger any day.

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1 hour ago, barkbat said:

Eyes Wide Shut is so weird and boring and depressing that I've never managed to watch it all the way to the end. If 'worst' involves expectation over reality, then it has to be this. Stanley Kubrick making a film about sex and sex cults starring Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, oh my God yes.... actually no, no thank you.

 

I know this isn't the thread to say you're wrong, but your expectations for the film were. It may feature sex and sex cults, but it isn't a film about either. It certainly isn't a film for everyone, but given your contributions to this folder over the years, I would definitely give the film another try. Like all Kubrick films, it is far deeper than any surface detail.

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Eyes Wide Shut is one of Kubrick's best and most rewarding films. Every viewing is a treat. The marketing of it as 'The sexiest film ever made!' and the casting of Kidman and Cruise always seemed to be a Trojan Horse sort of deal to get audiences in to see something which actually paints love, marriage and sex as mundane and horrifying, even when (or perhaps especially when) it involves very beautiful people, but even twenty years later it all still seems like a millstone around the neck of the film. It's actually one of the least sexy films I can think of.

 

 

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2 hours ago, barkbat said:

Eyes Wide Shut is so weird and boring and depressing that I've never managed to watch it all the way to the end. If 'worst' involves expectation over reality, then it has to be this. Stanley Kubrick making a film about sex and sex cults starring Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, oh my God yes.... actually no, no thank you.

 

I love it! Of course it’s shit, and you have to scratch your head repeatedly and wonder what on earth Kubrick was thinking. But for all that it has the ability to keep you wondering and invested all the way to through to the end to find out how Kubrick’s genius reveal will tie all the nonsensical strands together...and then you can laugh when you realise he forgot to put that bit in.

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1 hour ago, lordcookie said:

 

I know this isn't the thread to say you're wrong, but your expectations for the film were. It may feature sex and sex cults, but it isn't a film about either. It certainly isn't a film for everyone, but given your contributions to this folder over the years, I would definitely give the film another try. Like all Kubrick films, it is far deeper than any surface detail.

 

It’s certainly deeper than it appears, but it’s a depth that can be measured in nanometres.

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Speaking of sexy films, I watched two of Walerian Borowczyk’s arty skinflicks The Beast and Immoral Tales a couple of weeks back. They are both on the BFI streaming service.

 

Imagine a double bill of Eyes Wide Shut followed by The Beast! Now there’s a film night for you.

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Just for the record - I've tried to watch the film twice, so my expectations definitely weren't dashed the second time. And I'm generally quite happy to have my expectations dashed if they are replaced with something good. But the film is (IN MY OPINION) just a mess of weird skits full of thoroughly dislikeable people with very little to say for themselves. There's this cold hatred that just permeates the thing, which is fine, but it has nothing to say, or at least nothing I could discern. It felt like I was watching a precocious teenagers musings on his narcissist parents. And how he wants to bang chicks. Also by the way I NORMALLY LOVE KUBRICK HARD.

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1 minute ago, barkbat said:

Just for the record - I've tried to watch the film twice, so my expectations definitely weren't dashed the second time. And I'm generally quite happy to have my expectations dashed if they are replaced with something good. But the film is (IN MY OPINION) just a mess of weird skits full of thoroughly dislikeable people with very little to say for themselves. There's this cold hatred that just permeates the thing, which is fine, but it has nothing to say, or at least nothing I could discern. It felt like I was watching a precocious teenagers musings on his narcissist parents. And how he wants to bang chicks. Also by the way I NORMALLY LOVE KUBRICK HARD.

 

I think that’s a completely fair summation of the film really.

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Ah this question for me is emphatically answered by Spike Lee's insanely awful 'She Hate Me'. Not just bad, offensive to boot!

 

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I leave it to the eloquence of Rotten Tomatoes to sum up:

 

"a movie that spews so much random, senseless, undigested matter that it seems more like projectile vomiting than filmmaking."

 

"A uniquely insane film which should be experienced and needs to be seen to be believed."

 

"Deeply offensive, staggeringly unfunny, pretentious and, at 140 minutes, about 135 minutes too long..."

 

And my personal favourite:

 

"The kind of extravagantly bad movie only a genius could make, She Hate Me feels like an embarrassingly public nervous breakdown."

 

 

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3 hours ago, barkbat said:

Eyes Wide Shut is so weird and boring and depressing that I've never managed to watch it all the way to the end. If 'worst' involves expectation over reality, then it has to be this. Stanley Kubrick making a film about sex and sex cults starring Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, oh my God yes.... actually no, no thank you.

 

It's interesting to note that it's supposedly the film Kubrick himself favours above his other works, much like another film which has gotten slagged off on this topic being the director's favoured film. In these cases, it must doubly hurt for a director to see work they personally like being so rejected by the public, well at least in Kubrick's case he never had to endure that.

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Kubrick died before Eyes Wide Shut was released, so I'm not sure you can really say it's his favourite of all the films he directed given that he had about a week between finishing an edit and him throwing a seven.

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1 hour ago, barkbat said:

But the film is (IN MY OPINION) just a mess of weird skits full of thoroughly dislikeable people with very little to say for themselves. There's this cold hatred that just permeates the thing, which is fine, but it has nothing to say, or at least nothing I could discern. It felt like I was watching a precocious teenagers musings on his narcissist parents. And how he wants to bang chicks. Also by the way I NORMALLY LOVE KUBRICK HARD.

 

The sequences are weird and the people thoroughly dislikable because for the vast majority of the film they're being dreamed by a narcissist who's just had his comfortable reality pricked and his ego shattered by his wife revealing her fantasies of infidelity, which he previously couldn't possibly have conceived of. It goes heavy with on the nose symbolism since dreams are often that way and the novel was written in Vienna in Freud's time so all that stuff was very much in the air. The encounters he has aren't with real people, they're with figures who exist solely for his benefit, for him to react to. Particularly women, who all obviously throw themselves at him in the most over the top manner possible when they aren't having the most horribly mechanistic and stylised sex possible with others, as he watches. That idea of a world existing purely for the illumination of a character is obviously pretty normal for narrative fiction and Kubrick plays around with that throughout the film, mostly by undercutting the expectations that some revelations or character development will occur.

 

To me it's really a psychological portrait of a very superficial man. There's a lack of overt thematic depth because he lacks depth (though I think there's plenty of depth in the film as a whole, much of it subtext). So often in the film he's asked a question and responds by repeating the question back, because there's nothing to him. He's ostensibly a successful person, but he's just coasting through life, oblivious to what's under the surface. He doesn't even really have any sort of epiphany after his 'adventure' is over. That's part of what's suggested by the title of course, and I love that Kubrick went with that rather than 'Dream Story' which gives the game away before it's even begun. In fact it's so much more ambiguous than the source material in general that I find it hard not to imagine that he wasn't chuckling to himself, knowing exactly how misunderstood it was likely to be. Kubrick was a big fan of David Lynch and it's easily his most Lynchian work.

 

All of this seems more the sort of film you might expect from the 1960s European avant-garde or something but somehow it exists as this big-budget Hollywood effort ingeniously cast with the world's most famous celebrity couple, one of whom is as perfectly bland as the character needs him to be. It's Kubrick going balls out using all the reputation he'd built up over the years to make this mad fucking blockbuster art project only he could've got the backing for and that he must've known full well would go down like a lead balloon, especially with how it'd be marketed. And it's all wrapped up in gorgeous but slightly unsettling Christmassy lighting with lashings of Ligeti and Shostakovich. What's not to like?

 

There's certainly a disturbing coldness to it (not a new accusation with Kubrick of course), but that's part of what's amazing about it. If it wasn't sterile and unpleasant it wouldn't have the unity that it does.

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