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Alex W.'s Amazon Review Spite-o-rama


Alex W.
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Regarding Killer 7's first customer review:

look at those graphics!, 29 August, 2003

Reviewer: ben brimley from england 

this is going to be the best game cube game of the year i couldnt wait so i got myself an american copy and it was brilliant the cell shading is by far the finest i've seen this and you get a choice of about ten characters each with their special things invisibility is one of the special atrributes the effects are awesome this is next gen stuff

Right. US copy. Wow, it's not out yet! Next-gen stuff? Gee, what generation are we in just now? Is it the next one? NO! And "About ten characters"?

TEN?!

THE CLUE'S IN THE TITLE, DIPSHIT.

Ah. Very cathartic. Post your own.

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Guest Penguin_Lad

I once posted on the famous "David Hasslehoff" reviews.

My post was taken down after a while though - as it referred to acts of a sexual nature, and other dodgy stuff. Ashame.

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Regarding Killer 7's first customer review:
look at those graphics!, 29 August, 2003

Reviewer: ben brimley from england 

this is going to be the best game cube game of the year i couldnt wait so i got myself an american copy and it was brilliant the cell shading is by far the finest i've seen this and you get a choice of about ten characters each with their special things invisibility is one of the special atrributes the effects are awesome this is next gen stuff

Right. US copy. Wow, it's not out yet! Next-gen stuff? Gee, what generation are we in just now? Is it the next one? NO! And "About ten characters"?

TEN?!

THE CLUE'S IN THE TITLE, DIPSHIT.

Ah. Very cathartic. Post your own.

Full stops and commas anyone?

Gah, what a prick.

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CS: Condition Zero

*****

oh my god, 22 January, 2004

Reviewer: philip_atkinson_1st from sweet old n/e england

i have only 2 things to say. 1. Its really a song in the tune of the flinstones. Homer, Homer Simpson. Hes the greatest guy in history. from the town of springfield, he about to hit a chenstnut treeeeee. aaahhhh. And oh year 2. the game is good cant wait.

;)

At least he's made an effort with the punctuation.

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Over hyped and over rated......, 23 January, 2004

Reviewer: A gamer from Scunthorpe, England 

For all you x-Box lovers out there you are deluded and confused. The game you rave on about, 'Halo 2', is merely a fabricated makeover of the previous one. 'Master Chief', ahem, ahem, looks exactly the same and still has the geekiest name for a game character. Instead of creating new vehicles, they have just changed the others slightly and the same goes for the rest of the game. The annoying, little squeling aliens are still there, as well as the perfect, bright future world, in short it looks like a childs game. X-Box owners, by a PS2, get killzone and be happy like a monkey with a bannana............

Oh this made me want to slit my wrists. I can't live in a world with PS2 fanboys any more!

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Over hyped and over rated......, 23 January, 2004

Reviewer: A gamer from Scunthorpe, England 

For all you x-Box lovers out there you are deluded and confused. The game you rave on about, 'Halo 2', is merely a fabricated makeover of the previous one. 'Master Chief', ahem, ahem, looks exactly the same and still has the geekiest name for a game character. Instead of creating new vehicles, they have just changed the others slightly and the same goes for the rest of the game. The annoying, little squeling aliens are still there, as well as the perfect, bright future world, in short it looks like a childs game. X-Box owners, by a PS2, get killzone and be happy like a monkey with a bannana............

Oh this made me want to slit my wrists. I can't live in a world with PS2 fanboys any more!

Killzone

Not as good as Halo, 10 January, 2004

Reviewer: bump99 from Herts United Kingdom

This is just a Halo clone. It'll be out on X-Box eventually :o Buy an X-Box everyone, this game is going nowhere fast.

The flipside of the coin.

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I posted a really positive review of P.N.03 a few weeks after it came out because the only review they had was very negative. I just wanted to redress the balance in an intelligent and helpful way. And did they publish it? Did they bollocks.

And yet they constantly put this kind of insane rambling up there.

I think the word is "argh".

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Another example -

in 2003, The Sun wrote:

"Shoot-em-up Halo 2 was voted the best console game of all time... "

"The top three driving games in the poll were Gran Turismo, Colin McCrae Rally and GTA."

"Mario Bros was named best Game Cube game, and Halo 2 the best X Box game."

OMGWTFLOLZZ were can i get a copy of halo 2 can i dl't is somwere from its teh best evah and not op ps2 lol!11 :o

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I don't get Amazon reviews -- I've posted several, clearly better than the existing ones, where I've played the game thru, etc... and they have NEVER published any of them. The last one I did was about Brute Force and was fairly lengthy (typical Edge review length :o ) and that didn't surface either.

Yet, I know if I dropped down to the level of the horny 14 year olds posting, they'd be up in a shot.

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I don't get Amazon reviews -- I've posted several, clearly better than the existing ones, where I've played the game thru, etc... and they have NEVER published any of them.

They do take a couple of days or so. I've had a fair few published, but obviously they slip down the list when more cover them over.

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Yea, that'll do it. Actually, I went and checked now and I have one published (thus making me out to be a lier :o ) on Brute Force...

<pimp>

Farcast - a form of teleportation - straight into the action, Bruty runs ahead yelling "Vengarrr!" as the incoming forces get lit up on the screen. Shots start zooming past Tex - the character I'm controlling at this point - as Flint, a synthetic sniper, covers me, taking out those distant mutants intent on stopping the team from completing the mission.

I see a small group up ahead as I begin firing, they head for cover in a small derelict bunker - they're pinned down by our squad's fire as I switch to the fourth member of Brute Force, Hawk, and use her special ability to clear out the bunker ahead. Hitting the white button causes Hawk to drift into an invisible state - I run forward, plasma blade in hand, and slice through the remaining mutants pinned down in the bunker.

Brilliant; the sense of satisfaction while playing is brilliant and the squad-based game play works very well indeed, with each member of the team having a function vital to completing the missions successfully. For the most part, the Xbox does a stellar job of controlling Brute Force with the player taking lead but one may also submit orders to each the other members in addition to taking control of any member left alive, progressing systematically through each of the 18-odd and often lengthy missions. Grab a couple of mates and you've got a stunning multi-player game, including co-op campaign (where players can join in any time too, handy) and death match scenarios (single or team). Plenty of system link options too and although the lack of online play is disappointing (via Live, Xbox Connect works fine, with a decent connection), Live will feature additional missions for download, extending the longevity of an already solid game. There are other extras too, like un-lockable characters for death match, mission scoring and additional difficulty levels, all rolled up in a nice, graphically and sonically tidy third person shooter.

Recommended if blastin' is your thing.

</pimp>

I like Brute Force :blink: Note to self though, use teh l33t lang4ug3 sk1llz11!!!

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Mine are always published. Google search for Sockatume on Amazon.

And the first two or three reviews for each title are usually posted as soon as it is added to the database, and the £50 Gift Certificate for a First Review is up for grabs. They're written for the cold, hard cash.

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Me too, teh money grabbin' ho in me can't resist. I posted the Brute Force one when there weren't any reviews too... took 'em ages to put it up, by the looks of it.

Unlce Clive grabbed a few off the Wind Wakar review, IIRC. I like the 14 reviews currently sitting in GT4's description:

Gran Turismo 4 is the best yet!, 24 January, 2004

Reviewer: cooper7-14 from Scotland Is The Best 

Yeah, all u need to know is that gran turismo is the best game ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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And the first two or three reviews for each title are usually posted as soon as it is added to the database, and the £50 Gift Certificate for a First Review is up for grabs. They're written for the cold, hard cash.

Do you receive a £50 gift certificate for writing the first review of ANY product?

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