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Monkeyboy

Bad book covers

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Having so much fun researching these. The Flight of the Intrepid Monkey by Mac Zazki (which I'm going to try to read) is my favourite out of all the ones already posted. Found a synopsis of it!

"In a distant future, Gil Johnson loves his wife, hates his job and has resigned himself to a boring existence of spending his days firing people. Enter Captain Jerod Stanwich, soon to be unemployed garbage ship captain, his daughter Nicole and his crew of misfits. Together they turn Gil and his wife Julie's life upside down as they manage to become fugitives from the law and then intergalactic heroes. From the author of "The Return" and "Remembering", enjoy an out of this world love story filled with pirates, ugly secretaries, angry housekeepers, Church Librarians, intergalactic cruise ships, flexible yeoman, love, adventure and other oddities."

And just come across this tumblr!! Great resource for this thread!: http://kindlecoverdisasters.tumblr.com/

'Amazon's Kindle ebooks have revolutionised the way that people can read, write and publish books. The process has been democratised, meaning that large teams of proofreaders, illustrators and designers have been replaced by a single author doing everything themselves - including designing the book cover. But the results aren't always pretty, as the Tumblr blog Kindle Cover Disasters proves. Can you judge a book by its cover? Let's hope not.' 35 hilariously bad Kindle covers


So, so many good ones but here are some I found before coming across that tumblr:

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^ - "Josh is terrified when the Overlord starships arrive. To his amazement, Captain Beth Sidney, the Overlord Supreme Commander, turns out to be a beautiful young woman."

kindlecover34_edit_3218129k_zpsduwyjrtb.

^ - "When Meena forgets to put birdseed in the backyard feeder before her husband's testicular cancer surgery, a hungry rook must take action to find food, even if it means murder."

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^ - "A hound it was, an enormous coal-black hound, but not such a hound as mortal eyes have ever seen."

kindlecover22_edit_3218113k_zps0kc7q7lt.

^ - "THIS IS A HOLYSPIRIT MANUSCRIPT BOOK: WHEN YOU BUY THIS BOOK YOU WILL BE READING A HOLYSPIRIT DIRECTED BOOK FROM GOD; & *CHRIST JESUS"

kindlecover21_edit_3218112k_zpsi9urq1q2.

^ - "In this modern world of science and high technology, in secret places deep under the ground and in the forest primeval, legends still walk the earth and what we think of as myth and fairy tale are all too real. Driving home late one night, Melody Carver, bereft and grieving after the death of her mother, sees a strange creature standing on the lonely road. This being will change her world-view forever, and open her eyes to a reality beyond her imagination."

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The Flight of the Intrepid Monkey is £0.00 on Amazon!! http://www.amazon.co.uk/Flight-Intrepid-Monkey-Mac-Zazski-ebook/dp/B00COBGV88

Downloading this now and reading the entirety of it tonight! 381 pages!

26CDE11E00000578-0-image-m-53_1426881790
^ 'Shawn O'Toole appears to have drawn his own cover on Microsoft Paint for his apparently octopus-based book The Yississ War'

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^ 'Grieg is rolling in his grave.'

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^ Author is from Ecuador (South America), I literally had to look at the world map to see where it is, I am useless at geography. Getting this book too. I'm tempted to buy the paperback version just to see what it looks like as a physical book! It's only 24 pages!

Kindle version: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Abby-Normal-Has-Bad-Misadventures-ebook/dp/B00KYZA7EK/

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This is the stuff we always have to remember whenever anyone says "such-and-such a movie/game/book is shit".

On the other hand, while all of the above are amusingly awful, and I like to think are at least somewhat reflective of the quality of the writing contained, it's covers like these that actually upset me:

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That's been professionally published, that has. Just look at it! No wonder the Discworld novels never really been that successful in America :(

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Alas, no.

And you'll be delighted to hear that that is the current standard US cover style for all of the Discworld books.

Looking at those links is actually making me want to read a Discworld now, I've never read one in its entirety before, I'm ashamed to say! And what with the passing of Terry Pratchett and all - RIP. Interesting covers...

More bad covers!

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'How to let readers know your protagonist is a real badass:

1. Glowering expression

2. Moody lighting

3. Tough guy font

4. A couple of weapons glued to his forehead' (http://kindlecoverdisasters.tumblr.com/)

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Wow, amazed at how bad those US Discworld covers are. That strange black bit to the left with random story related items copy pasted three or four times looks terrible. The way Pratchett's name overlaps it, but the title of the story doesn't, just throws everything out of whack. Awful.

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There are some amazing overseas versions of the classic Dr Who Target novelisations:

Chris Achilleos' original:

cav74cov.jpg

Vs

Finland's version:

cavficov.jpg

cru73cov.jpg

Vs France:

crufrcov.jpg

"Crusader plz..."

Ah yes, Day of the Daleks. That classic Jon Pertwee epsidoe:

day74cov.jpg

Vs

What the..?!

daybrth.jpg

There are also some batshit mental Japanese ones, but they don't count because they're awesome.

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Speaking of overseas illustrators doing covers of UK TV novelisations without ever seeing the show...

http://www.reddwarf.co.uk/merchandise/browse/index.cfm?itemid=2432

PEwtRuz.jpg

It's not a terribly-drawn cover compared a lot of SF&F stuff, and definitely nowhere near as bad as the stuff posted above in this thread. It's just one that's bizarre to look at for anyone familiar with the TV programme. But seeing that take on the characters does make you realise how much the book's descriptions must rely on readers already knowing what the actors look like!

As for Discworld: I think the Night Watch cover was the first time I found out what Pratchett's books looked like in America:

S0UvOoT.jpg

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Speaking of overseas illustrators doing covers of UK TV novelisations without ever seeing the show...

http://www.reddwarf.co.uk/merchandise/browse/index.cfm?itemid=2432

PEwtRuz.jpg

It's not a terribly-drawn cover compared a lot of SF&F stuff, and definitely nowhere near as bad as the stuff posted above in this thread. It's just one that's bizarre to look at for anyone familiar with the TV programme. But seeing that take on the characters does make you realise how much the book's descriptions must rely on readers already knowing what the actors look like!

Great Dr Who covers, and these ones, Red Dwarf and Night Watch, (definitely made me think about Red Dwarf again for the first time in a long time!) but, and a bit of a slant from the thread, in regards to Red Dwarf... Craig Charles, Lister from Red Dwarf, is now *DJ* Craig Charles! Blew my mind! Found out he's got a gig in Whitstable, Kent on 1st August 2015! (which is not far from me at all!) Without a doubt gonna try to go to this. As for his other gigs... http://www.allgigs.co.uk/view/artist/58916/DJ_Craig_Charles.html Camden, Manchester, Chester...late July, August '15!

DJ_Craig_Charles-1-200-200-100-crop_zpsa

Another bad cover I came across recently!

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^ - "Rhiannon is a voluptuous blonde, with striking curves, big round breasts, thick luscious thighs and the sweetest face, she is a true southern belle, young, passionate and sexy, and she wants to have a baby. Her wish will be granted sooner than she expects it but not quite how she pictured it. Mighty alpha, stud alien mercenaries have been watching her, they have a reputation for taking, submitting, mating and gangbanging other species and tonite will be her turn. She does not know it yet but deep within her there is a lustful desire to be the sex toy of supreme, well hung creatures, a need to carry their seed." http://www.amazon.com/Obeying-Commands-SciFi-Mating-Pregnancy-ebook/dp/B00U6UPX56/

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Great Dr Who covers, and these ones, Red Dwarf and Night Watch, (definitely made me think about Red Dwarf again for the first time in a long time!) but, and a bit of a slant from the thread, in regards to Red Dwarf... Craig Charles, Lister from Red Dwarf, is now *DJ* Craig Charles! Blew my mind! Found out he's got a gig in Whitstable, Kent on 1st August 2015! (which is not far from me at all!) Without a doubt gonna try to go to this. As for his other gigs... http://www.allgigs.co.uk/view/artist/58916/DJ_Craig_Charles.html Camden, Manchester, Chester...late July, August '15!

he's on BBC R6 every weekend doing his show, and has been for a long time now! Knock yourself out: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0072ky7/episodes/player

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Although be warned, he is one of the worst and most annoying DJs in human history. On a par with Zane Lowe and Chris Moyles.

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he's on BBC R6 every weekend doing his show, and has been for a long time now! Knock yourself out: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0072ky7/episodes/player

Wow I had no idea! I don't listen to the radio at all these days, definitely need to hear some of this!

Although be warned, he is one of the worst and most annoying DJs in human history. On a par with Zane Lowe and Chris Moyles.

Intriguing me even more! I haven't heard his voice in a long time but definitely remember quite a thick Scouse accent, wonder how it'll translate over the airwaves...right so it's every Saturday 6pm-9pm...shame I'm not that into Funk and/or Soul music, so that probably won't help...but will give it a go!

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Although be warned, he is one of the worst and most annoying DJs in human history. On a par with Zane Lowe and Chris Moyles.

Steady on.

His one saving grace is that he often plays some decent music.

Yes! Besides, no BBC DJ is more annoying than Steve Lamacq.

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^ "Synopsis: You are Holden Catfield. You're a cat! It's a pretty peaceful life. But one day the man in the family you live with comes home feeling quite sick, passing out in the living room. When he awakes, he isn't the same. He tries to bite everyone! The only people in the house when he changes are you, the girl, and her girlfriend. Quickly you're all out the door, the man trapped inside. The girls are getting into a car and beckoning you to come with them but this whole thing is frightening. Your thoughts stray to your girlfriend several houses down the alley. What will you do? Inspired by the gamebook fad of the 80s - You Are a Cat in the Zombie Apocalypse! is the much anticipated sequel to the first book in the Pick-a-Plot series, You Are a Cat! Lavishly illustrated from the first-person feline floor purrspective."

 

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^ "Synopsis: Explains how to achieve physical fitness and spiritual growth at the same time."

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^ "The absolute worst."

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^ "This Brazilian book jacket for Stephen King’s The Shining was obviously designed by someone with a firm grasp of The Master of Horror’s work, and certainly doesn’t employ a photograph meant for a 1980s knitwear magazine."

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Only got a one star review for the first book in the series "You are a cat" on Amazon uk:

"The premise is great, but the style of the book is pretty "hardcore". This is definitely not a book for children (fair warning - the back cover says "for mature readers only). There are countless ways that your CATT can die in really unpleasant and grisly ways - and plenty of death and scandal in its humans' lives as well. I guess I should be grateful if nothing else this book alerted me to the incredible danger that antifreeze can pose to CATTES. The fact that the CATT's name is "Holden Catfield" is a key to the author's literary sensibilities - this is a book from the grisly underbelly of North American society."

I want it.

Fuck! That would make an amazing rllmuk game...

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