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The Apprentice 2014 - BBC1 Wednesday 9pm


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Another series of cretinous, back-stabbing cunts. This is car-crash TV. Sadly, people like this do tend to do well in business. All of them are so hateful. I'll watch every episode though.

It's a bit self aware now - the people taking part know what to do to stand out - be 'good TV fodder'.

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uktv-the-apprentice-2014-chiles-cartwrig

Chiles. Is that a name? Chiles? Like 'Giles' went into posh overdrive. And what is he wearing, it looks like a fucking suit of armour. He's my pick for first firing.

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That was car crash stuff as usual. Still gonna watch it every single week. Glad that Steven didn't get hung out to dry, he was the only one making any sense (although his campy voice and Canadian accent didn't do him any favours).

Good stuff!

Chiles actually seems like a normal person on You're Fired...

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That Stephen is excellent value, I hope he goes all the way.

Also, the girls should stick to Decadence as a team name. Thus forcing Alan Sugar into firing someone because of their team name, at some point.

"This is not about selling."

*gives them another task about selling*

That's The Apprentice way! See also:

That was obviously a stupid idea, unless you win by a margin of £5.20, where it was obviously a brilliant idea.

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It's the obvious fuck ups that baffle me.

Like going to a printers without any money. Then blaming the team leader for not giving you money. A child knows if you go to a shop to buy something it costs money! See also turning up at a printers and then trying to figure out a design for your t-shirt. You know the things you are taking to the printers to get a design printed on that you could have thought up on the way over!

Add to that the classic going out your way to buy stuff to throw on a hot dog that you could pretty much buy from any fricking shop in any area of London!

I also love how clueless they are about every day stuff. Bulk buy lemons at 30p each. That's what they cost for one in a bloody supermarket you dozy bastard.

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The money thing is understandable, though. The production people obviously do their best to keep them tired and confused. Any person in a normal situation would not expect a fistful of fivers to be their only access to money, so it could easily be forgotten in the general chaos.

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and the vast VAST overinflation of pricing on the potatoes.

Not to mention cleaning products.

"We have some cleaning prodcuts we though you might be interested in" *Presents three buckets, a box of marigold and some study bog brushes*

"How much?"

"£250"

The other beauty was the editing on the t-shits for the boys

"Right no mucking around, we all think for 30 seconds and then come up with a slogan straight away"

*tumbleweed*

"How long were you boys in the tshirt printers for?"

"One and half hours"

They have picked 20 absolute belters this year. I bet they tell them when they are picked that they are "absolutely the top class sort of person we want on the Apprentice" when what they actually mean is "You are one of the most obnoxious cunts I have ever met in my life- You're perfect"

I mean when the producers met Stephen they must have thought "We have hit the mother load"

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