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Xbone - Our Astroturf Thread


footle
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... aaaaand the bad news keeps rolling in.

We're way beyond Sony 2005 now aren't we?

High price and a lacklustre collection of games were the main issues. They seemed like a big deal at the time, but I'd give my eye teeth for such mundane problems, that you knew would eventually be fixed in time, instead of the horrible shit they're trying to force on us now.
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The console can help you achieve optimal erectile function by monitoring your heartrate and bulge while cycling through a massive databank of images grabbed from Netflix late eighties teen comedies. Using the advanced pigmentation scanning technique the console will determine your ideal feminine player 2 and use the illumiroomTM projection device to output a next-gen image of the previously selected 80s teen queen upon the face of your previously last-gen significant other. Soon you too can enjoy binging Phoebe Cates or Molly Ringwald in the relative privacy of your own living room. (Recommended: Ryan Gosling DLC, 400MSP. You too can become a semi mute virtual sexfiend with the power of illumiroom. Kinect will beep to warn you if your face begins to move beyond the recommended 5% parameter).

KinecterectTM

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The console can help you achieve optimal erectile function by monitoring your heartrate and bulge while cycling through a massive databank of images grabbed from Netflix late eighties teen comedies. Using the advanced pigmentation scanning technique the console will determine your ideal feminine player 2 and use the illumiroomTM projection device to output a next-gen image of the previously selected 80s teen queen upon the face of your previously last-gen significant other. Soon you too can enjoy binging Phoebe Cates or Molly Ringwald in the relative privacy of your own living room. (Recommended: Ryan Gosling DLC, 400MSP. You too can become a semi mute virtual sexfiend with the power of illumiroom. Kinect will beep to warn you if your face begins to move beyond the recommended 5% parameter).

Knowing my luck, I'd get Rodney fucking Dangerfield.
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Do you want to get rid of a troublesome friend you don't like? Have your guests outstayed their welcome?

With KinectejectTM You can simply make a subtle gesture in the direction of the unwanted guest. Kinect will immediately alert the NSA of their presence, selecting from a random list of potential terrorist activity to assign them (IAPs available). Within minutes they will be bundled into the back of a white van and held without trial for an unspecified amount of time. With SmartglassTM You can view their current status through live feeds and daily updates, earn XP and gain levels for every hour they spend in captivity! Level-up perks include overly aggressive interrogators and waterboarding. Booster packs available (120msp).

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... aaaaand the bad news keeps rolling in.

We're way beyond Sony 2005 now aren't we?

Sony 2005:

Giant Enemy Crab

599

Microsoft 2013:

Can't play games unless you check in every day. You know what sort of person has to check in daily? Criminals on curfew.

End of preowned.

Compulsory Kinect.

Targeted ads. I just want to play games.

And know this PRISM privacy rubbish in which Microsoft was the first company to willingly sign up to. With Kinect.

I'd say it's a far bit worse.

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Sigh… people just don’t like change – i get it. But this time next year all the pre-release whining will be long forgotten and the Xbox-One will be a mainstay in the majority of living rooms across the world. Why? Simple – let us not forget that above all Microsoft makes the most cutting edge gaming hardware (uh, wii-u anyone? lol) and once people experience the jaw-dropping graphics and audio fidelity on games that are ONLY available on Xbox (Halo, Forza, Fantasia, Madden and COD) everything else from the competitors will feel like Sega Genesis quality. Also, the TV integration is a killer. Every household watches TV and being able to control my set with vocal commands or high fidelity motion gesture controls is something straight out of Minority Report. Welcome to the future. Get on or get off.

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I must admit the Kinect 2 is VERY impressive. I watched the Wired video demonstration, not just the creepy heartbeat stuff but measuring the pressure of body parts (standing on one leg means your foot displays red, jumping means all your body is green); force, facial expressions - all cool - if used in a transparent manner. So not on the Bone then.

I would happily buy it for the PC, the sort of software possible could revolutionise the way we use it.

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