Fry Crayola Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 Quote Sometimes, I think it's cruel giving machines a personality. My mate Petersen once bought a pair of shoes with Artificial Intelligence. 'Smart Shoes' they were called. It was a neat idea. No matter how blind drunk you were, they could always get you home. But he got rattled one night in Oslo and woke up the next morning in Burma. You see, his shoes got bored going from his local to his flat. They wanted to see the world, you know. He had a hell of a job getting rid of them. No matter who he sold them to, they'd show up again the next day. He tried to shut them out, but they just kicked the door down. The last thing I heard, they sort of... robbed a car and drove it into a canal. They couldn't steer, you see..Petersen was really, really blown away about it. He went to see a priest. The priest told him... he said it was alright and all that, when shoes are happy that they'd get into heaven. You see, it turns out shoes have soles. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Thwomp Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 I always loved: Quote Please rush me my portable walrus polishing kit. Four super brushes to tackle even the trickiest of sea-bound mammals. And this : Quote You goit! No you goit! You're all goits! I'm surrounded by goits! Holly you're a goit! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shoes Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 Look, sooner or later we are going to have to face the fact that we are not all going to get out of this in one piece. Or if we are, it's going to one big flat piece. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Boothjan Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 "You're thinking too negative. Think of all the glorious, wonderful things about having children." "Like....?" "Like when they grow up and leave home." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wev Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 "It's a state of the art sarnie" "It's the state of the floor I'm worried about" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popular Post PK Posted October 21, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted October 21, 2019 "This man is not guilty of manslaughter, he is only guilty of being Arnold J. Rimmer. That is his crime; it is also his punishment." 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Boothjan Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 Just now, PK said: "This man is not guilty of manslaughter, he is only guilty of being Arnold J. Rimmer. That is his crime; it is also his punishment." My favourite episode 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chadruharazzeb Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 "Look, we've all got something to bring to this discussion but from now on I think what you should bring is silence." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
K Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 This isn’t a meal, it’s an autopsy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SeanR Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 "Jake Bullet, Cybernautic Detective. I like that! That sounds like the kind of hard-living flat foot who gets the job done by cutting corners and bucking authority. And if those pen-pushers up at City Hall don't like it, well, they can park their over-payed, fat ass's on this mid-digit and swivel -- swivel till they squeal like pigs on a honeymoon." 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Iain Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 "Well now I know why dogs lick their testicles, it's to take away the taste of their food!" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nick R Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 2 hours ago, Fry Crayola said: [Petersen's Smart Shoes story] What a sad, sad story. Wait a minute... How did they open the car door? 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Nicky Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 well thats one way to run out of posses 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Thwomp Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 Quote Holly : Nothing wrong with dog's milk. Full of goodness, full of vitamins, full of marrowbone jelly. Lasts longer than any other milk, dog's milk. Lister : Why? Holly : No bugger'll drink it. Plus of course the advantage of dog's milk is that when it goes off, it tastes exactly the same as when it's fresh. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
DeciderVT Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 Quote "One of the first songs I ever wrote. It's called "Om"." Quote "Wasn't it Descartes who said, "I am what I am?"" "No, it was Popeye the Sailor Man." Quote "Jean Paul Sartre said hell was being locked forever in a room with your friends." "Holly, all his mates were French." Link to post Share on other sites
PK Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 "Don't fish swim south for the winter?" "No, that's birds, sir." "Birds swim south for the winter? How do they breathe?" 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MDY Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 "For is it not written in the electronic Bible, 'The iron shall lie down with the lamp?'" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Boothjan Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 "So, Kryten, you've heard of this "Inquisitor?"" "Only as a myth; a dark fable; a horror tale, told across the flickering embers of a midnight fire, wherever hardened space dogs gather to drink fermented vegetable products and compete in tales of blood-chilling TERROR..." "A simple "yes" would have sufficed." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Commander Jameson Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 "So what is it?' 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Nick R Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 "There's gotta be a way out. There hasn't been a prison built that could hold Derek Custer. Why don't we scrape away this mortar here, slide one of these bricks out, then using rope weaved from strands of this hessian, rig up a kind of pulley system, so that when a guard comes in over the tripwire, he gets laid out, and we put Rimmer in the guard's uniform, he leads us out, we steal some swords and fight our way back to the Bug!" "Or we could use the teleporter." 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Clipper Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 16 hours ago, wev said: "Stop your whining you filthy piece of distended rectum" I am really sorry to do this but it is one of my fave quotes in Red Dwarf Stop your foul whining you filthy piece of distended rectum The rhythm of the line NEEDS the "foul" to scan and be as funny as it is Sorry again 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Clipper Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 For all the criticisms of the later series there are still some quotes that get me every time And we're going to...live! And as overused as it is I still like Step up to Red Alert! Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb. Nowhere near the quality and pathos of the first couple of series but Red Dwarf really does have many facets and periods of differing humour within its life. The first and second series are incredibly silly and fun but they still have the human factor and pathos (as hammy/amateur as it was in S1). S3-4 etc it becomes bigger and brasher and the humour is sharper/brighter in so many ways. Beyond that it then you move to it being purely that big brash bright humour and no real pathos. Due to a big break it then becomes a very odd beast indeed but still with its moments - introspective without the big brash but still with the obvious humour hooks but trying so hard to be more "serious". It then shifts gears into almost a parody of s3-6 with dancing blue midgets and bad cg. We then get the weirdness of the Corrie crossover etc which is the hardest to love.... and finally we get the Dave incarnation which is really a sort of tribute act to the original - a handful of moments that remind you of the glory days but mostly going through the motions. and alot of the above is retrospective of course - at the time of its broadcast everyone I knew hated series 1 saying it was amateurish hammy rubbish. I wouldn't be adverse to a reboot with the novels as source mainly because it would just be a different facet of Red Dwarf once again - this time more serious scifi edged. I'm not convinced you'd be able to argue it was better than Red dwarf as there have been so many versions of it - all find their audience 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wev Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 36 minutes ago, Clipper said: I am really sorry to do this but it is one of my fave quotes in Red Dwarf Stop your foul whining you filthy piece of distended rectum The rhythm of the line NEEDS the "foul" to scan and be as funny as it is Sorry again I knew I'd missed something, must have been in the "i" of Rimmer 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PK Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 I had that mixed up with "Stop your putrid whining you dank tuft of rectal pubic hair." Link to post Share on other sites
mdn2 Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 Rimmer: I've come to regard you.......... as..... people....... I've........ met. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Boothjan Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 "About your father. If it's any help, he's in the ground now. Sure it's bad news for him. But on the other hand it's party time for all the little worms. ...... There's just no consoling him." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Commander Jameson Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 "Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shoes Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 Lister, tune into Sanity FM. Link to post Share on other sites
Clipper Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 It is my duty. My duty and as a complete and utter bastard (one of the darkest moments in RD as well if you strip away the silliness ) Link to post Share on other sites
Sprite Machine Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 My favourite scene, and cleverest bit of writing I think the show has ever done, is in the second episode, Future Echoes. Lister talks to future Rimmer and they have the same conversation twice, except the second time it's Lister reacting to Rimmer saying the same things, and thus prompting him to say those things again. I can't begin to imagine how hard that was to write, but it's utter perfection. "Well it probably is deja vue, it sounds like it!" --------- I don't really expect Red Dwarf to hit those heights again, but honestly I do just enjoy watching these characters interact and I'll happily sit through another season of lighthearted sci-fi and camaraderie. (Or a feature episode and some documentaries, in this case.) Bring it on! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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