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Star Wars Prequel Reviews by Mr Harry S. Plinkett


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  • 1 month later...

I've just watched all his TNG movies ones - hadn't seen those before. Quite good/funny, and also interesting.

I like the Star Trek one - it wasn't as funny, but it couldn't be. It was "mocking" as much, it was explaining/insightful

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The plot of The Phantom Menace is pretty crazy when you look at it. To use a UK analogy, it would be like an evil member of parliament who wants to rule the UK – let’s say it’s Alan Johnson, for the sake of argument – who puts his plan into action by wearing a mask, and somehow convincing the Chamber of Shipping to blockade The Isle of Wight in a protest over VAT.

His plan is to convince Parliament that Gordon Brown is ineffectual and force a vote of no confidence, thus elevating him to power by promoting himself as a strong leader able to settle the Isle of Wight dispute. Presumably, he feels that the idea of a trade body blockading a small, not particularly significant island is not quite enough to topple a government, so he also arranges for the Chamber of Shipping to invade the Isle of Wight with the private army they own.

When Parliament sends two diplomats to negotiate an end to the blockade, Alan Johnson orders the diplomats killed. Daringly, they escape and rescue the MP for the Isle of Wight, and after winning hovercraft tickets in a complicated confidence scam, they manage to smuggle her, a crusty, a child, and the child’s gay butler back to London. Back at the Home Office, nobody believes the MP or the two diplomat’s story about invasion, and they refuse to take action, but Alan Johnson still manages to convince parliament to put forward a vote of no confidence over the Isle of Wight, and Gordon Brown’s lack of determination in resolving the crisis.

Alan Johnson puts himself forward as the only man who is a strong enough leader to stand up to the Chamber of Shipping and settle the VAT dispute, and promptly gets himself elected as party leader on this basis. He grants himself emergency powers, and then does nothing to settle the dispute.

Frustrated, the MP for the Isle of Wight goes back to the Isle of Wight with the two diplomats, in order to defeat the Chamber of Shipping’s private army themselves somehow. They manage to create an alliance with a load of crusties who were at Bestival, and join forces with the people of the Isle of Wight to attack and defeat the Chamber of Shipping in a thrilling and frequently hilarious battle in which loads of people die.

Following the Chamber of Shipping’s defeat, Alan Johnson is feted as a saviour, despite not affecting the outcome in any way. The head of the Chamber of Shipping is jailed for his crime, but takes the rap for himself and doesn’t attempt to implicate Alan Johnson. He keeps the emergency powers he was granted by Parliament and nobody notices. In a ceremony in Cowes, the MP for the Isle of Wight gives the surviving diplomat and the kid a glowing orb.

Needs +1 with the new system.

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Nah, he made a crucial error - Adam Johnson doesn't actually get emergency powers until 10 years later, when Scotland and Wales attempt to break away from the UK with the help of the Chamber of Shipping's private army. That's when the Isle of Wight's present day crustie MP suggests parliament give him the authority to unleash a newly discovered army of GM crop soldiers based around Ross Kemp's genetic template. In the meantime, our hapless pair of diplomats have gotten themselves into all kinds of trouble, with the young chap slaughtering a load of hostile Highlanders for killing his mum while the elder one is captured by Alex Salmond, who tells him parliament is under the control of a genocidal fiend - WHO ALEX SALMOND IS REALLY WORKING FOR - but the diplomat doesn't believe a word of it.

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  • 5 weeks later...
  • 2 months later...

God, it does remind you just how horrible those films were.

He makes a good point at the beginning, namely that we should be thankful that Han Solo wasn't in the films. My biggest problem with all the prequels was the complete lack of imagination. It made for a very small universe in my opinion.

Look! It's C3PO! And he was made by Darth Vadar as a child! What are the chances, eh? And R2D2! He was with Obi Wan and Anakin the whole time! Isn't that amazing??

Holy shit it's Chewbacca! Who'd have thought it?

If one lightsaber is cool and exciting... er... how about a double ended lightsaber? Ok, how about holding a lightsaber in each hand? What about four lightsabers?? That's fucking genius!

How about this... the entire clone army... wait for it... is based on Boba Fett's dad!!!

And then Yoda fighting.... urgh...

The only original characters absolutely necessary for these films, assuming the films were needed at all, were Anakin, Obi Wan and the Emperor, with Pademe having to make an appearance at some point.

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He makes a good point at the beginning, namely that we should be thankful that Han Solo wasn't in the films.

Lucas did actually plan to have a young Han Solo in the film, he was going to be a Mowgli style child who lived with Chewbacca on his planet. :facepalm:

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Well I'm ill so I stayed in tonight and watched the review. As with the previous two extremely insightful. For me the most depressing part came towards the end of part one where Plinkett comes up with the basics of a story that shat all over what Lucas did. I want to see those films made.

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