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The Apprentice - Wed BBC1 9pm


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Didn't watch much of today's, but based on the first week I think the kiddie who PM'd the fishmongering will win. Alex?

I think he spent too much time apportioning blame instead of getting on with things. Then again before today I thought Jenny might win, and now I'd quite cheerily push her under a falling anvil.

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Well at least we know for sure that it's the TV producers that get to pick who gets fired now, no need to keep wondering.

While admittedly, crying at the first sign of a disagreement and blatantly (and purposely) wasting time just to annoy the PM are incredibly stupid things to do - I'd much rather know personally and work with Lucinda than have to put up with miss cunt-face every day of the week. I obviously wanted her to get fired but I wouldn't have been suprised whichever of the two it was that went.

Firing Shazia though, just.. WHAT.

I don't understand the editing in this episode, they made Shazia look like she was the only one pulling the team together, actually working for everyone and planning things out. Why do that if they're going to set her up to be fired? If they didn't fix the firing (which they surely did), what the hell is Sir.A playing at?

The 'male bonding' clip on the follow-up show was one of the best things I've seen on TV all year though. It was just perfectly edited, especially the little slow-motion dance half way through. Genius

I totally agree with this. Sir A has always made some weird decisions, but none more blatantly for the purpose of keeping argumentative people in then tonight. The simple facts are that Shazia leaving early didn't really have any significant impact on how the girls did. The task had already been lost by then. All it did was cause them some embarrassment when giving the laundry back. But again, if the PM allowed her to go home to get the irons knowing full well she was the only one who knew the system going on with the washing then she has to take the blame.

The task was lost when they failed to secure the hotel contract through sheer stupidity and then then got the other contract by offering a ridiculous price. That has to be the fault of the PM for not making sure any research was done. Who just decides that you offer 4.99 for everything? Sheer idiocy. And then add on her ccomplete cunty behaviour and you have the clear candidate to go. Who wants to work for someone who talks to them like that?

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"Hello?"

"Yes It's Mr A N Other. I just couldn't get to sleep - how are my undercrackers"

"Just being foled now sir"

"Oh thank god. Thank you miss. I'll sleep safely now...you certainly are worth the extra cost"

Oh man. :D I'd forgotten about the "hotline". My family and I were in fits!

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michaeldanceuj4.gif

It's not great, but will that do?

:(

Raef scares the shit out of me. Early prediction, I think either Simon or Lee will win.

Highlight of last night, the guys loading the van with the hotels linen and the guys haggling skillz just prior

"We can do your laundry for £560"

"Erm I was thinking more around £200"

"Ok that's a deal, £200 it is" :D

Haven't any of these people seen Life of Brian.

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Bit of a swizz, really. The only reason she went is because the other two will cause conflict in future shows :D

That's what I thought. Sugar even said that Jenny was ultimately responsible for losing the task and he fired somebody who showed initiative, planning and organisational skills. All she did was follow orders and go back to the house to try and rectify the whole sorry mess.

I don't know why Jenny was so hostile towards Lucinda this week and I don't think anything was shown last week that could have caused this outright hatred for her. She may be annoying but that wasn't unique to just one member of their team.

A fantastic episode and makes me realise why I love this show. Although every time I see Jenny I think of Dexter's sister.

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Watching this is like some sort of crash course in showing how many managers are clueless wanks that can do nothing but talk bollocks for hours on end without actualy knowing what they are talking about.

Case 1: That mental case Jenny in her hour long speech before the task began noted that they should find out the going rate for this type of work and yet in the car pulls £4.95 an item from thin air, with the joyous backing on her puppy dog (the black girl with waitressing ideas on how to make money).

Case 2: The Lucinda bint. Give the perfect interview bollocks about being a great team motivator and team player, despite doing nothing but moan, sulk and interupt anyone who's talking.

Case 3: Can they not read facial expressions? In both the price bids the look on the customers afces when the prices where quoted by the girls gave away how much of an arse they'd made of it. The hotel guy looked like he thought they can't be serious, while the fishmonger bloke was almost laughing and pointing out how stpudly low thier bid was.

Great TV though, but Jenny should have gone. Clearly clueless and just makes things up and hopes the shit sticks to anyone around her, which worked for her last night.

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If it was stated as fact that the hotel manager usually pays £200 for the service, what could be done? In reality, the blokes should have had to undercut the usual service provider, as they are unproven.

Like podger, I was thinking that the hotel job was a poisoned chalice. It won them the task given the tight time limit, but £350 for about 20 hours work (or whatever it was), between seven people is peanuts.

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Last night's show was brilliant; I really can't remember seeing a team absolutely nail a task before, the boys absolutely rinsed it. Or, at least, they didn't catastrophically fuck it up, which is the same thing in Apprentice-land.

I was really impressed by Raef in last night's show, and not just because of his mad bouffant hair – he seemed to delegate well, and seemed to give just the right amount of leadership without trying to micro-manage everything. It was funny when they had the toffs sipping coffee while all the barrowboys toiled ceaselessly in a steamy hell, but I guess that's good management for you – he seemed confident enough with how things were going that he could slip out for a drink.

The girls were fucking awful – in the boardroom at the end, I was amazed at the stuff that malevolent ginner woman was coming out with, like accusing people of lying and saying they contributed nothing at all to the task. The other two should really have taken her to task on that, but when asked to justify their own position they either argued or just came out with clichés ("I'm a team player Sir Alan, I'm a motivated individual, I always give infinity percent in pursuit of a task") rather than actually giving concrete examples of what they'd contributed. It always amazes me that these supposed high-fliers always ignore Rule 1 of interviews, which is to give examples of your successes and skills rather than just say you're brilliant. (Actually, that's more like Rule 7 – Rule 1 is probably something like "Wear clothes" or "Don't smoke crack in the interview").

Proper lols from Sugar's comment about ringing up to see how his pants were doing, as well.

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If it was stated as fact that the hotel manager usually pays £200 for the service, what could be done? In reality, the blokes should have had to undercut the usual service provider, as they are unproven.

Was it stated as fact? I must have missed it if it was.

Stll there's nothing wrong with trying to get more cash is there, it may have been the editing but the guys just seemed to accept that it was £200 or nothing, which is just plain daft.

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Was it stated as fact? I must have missed it if it was.

Stll there's nothing wrong with trying to get more cash is there, it may have been the editing but the guys just seemed to accept that it was £200 or nothing, which is just plain daft.

The voice over guy said the hotel would normal pay £200 (or he may have said "about").

but when asked to justify their own position they either argued or just came out with clichés ("I'm a team player Sir Alan, I'm a motivated individual, I always give infinity percent in pursuit of a task") rather than actually giving concrete examples of what they'd contributed. It always amazes me that these supposed high-fliers always ignore Rule 1 of interviews, which is to give examples of your successes and skills rather than just say you're brilliant

We agree 100%

(Actually, that's more like Rule 7 – Rule 1 is probably something like "Wear clothes" or "Don't smoke crack in the interview").

:D

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There was a split in the boys team again - though not to any detriment of the team. It seemed to be the "common" blokes doing the actual laundry for much of the day, while the posh blokes wandered around drinking latee's and saying "goodness, why don't they just get on with it - stop moaning".

I was sure the hotel contract was a trap, just to take up their time without any possibility of finishing it, so they did well to get through it - but only a bunch of blokes could squeeze so much washing into one load.

Jenny loves the sound of her own voice doesn't she, a one hour lecture at the start - which was then ignored with the "every item £4.99". Before quoting £15 for a massive pile of washing to a fishmonger and then saying "do you think that was too high ?" - but it's the talking to people like they are 3 which wound me up. "I'm talking, I'm talking" over and over. Lucinda was stupid not to go to the meeting though, that actually gave Jenny a piece of ammo against her.

The final bit that wound me up, is the "Why should I fire you" question. Why don't people talk about what they did really well in the task at hand, all we ever get is this pre-prepared CV nonsence, "you haven't seen what I can do", "I always give 110%", "I'm a great motivator and team player" - all bollocks

Aside from the fact that I'm watching it cringing with embarrasment for them all most of the time, it was a fantastic show.

EDIT: Just noticed K has said exactly what I just was ranting about.

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Which of the blokes came up with the idea of securing all the irons in the shared house? Smart move. They didn't need them, but they still denied them to their competitor.

They were magnanimous enough to give them back in the morning too, amid a great scene of the suited, in-control blokes striding in single file through the anarchic chaos of the washer-women srubbers still at work.

Having a hard time spotting a woman to be in the final. But surely, there'd have to be one; along with Raif and Alex. If no women can cut the mustard, then the third final spot will be Simon.

Girl's PM to go next week, I reckon - the self-proclaimed 'Alsation', isn't it?

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Girl's PM to go next week, I reckon - the self-proclaimed 'Alsation', isn't it?

Wasn't that the PM in the first task? It looked like Sara (I think) the other Indian/Asian woman (sorry to keep bring it back to race, but I barely know any of their names!) was PM next week talking about the Bangladeshi evening for their pub

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I suspect one of the reasons why people come out with such information-free bollocks in the boardroom is because they're paranoid about discussing their fuck-ups – the BR discussions usually concentrate on the errors they've made, so they probably don't want to go back to the subject. Shazia should have played up her implementation of the system, and acknowledged her error in leaving partway through (in fact, I bet a more canny person could have gotten some mileage out of the fact that the system only stopped working when it was left to other people), and pointed out that even without the breakdown of the system, they still would have failed because their business wasn't priced sensibly and was run in a completely haphazard way.

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Actually, the best bit was when the boys delivered the laundry back to the hotel, and they had a shot of the toffs walking down the street with all this mad victory funk in the background. It was like the opening sequence to 'Jackie Brown'.

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Wasn't that the PM in the first task? It looked like Sara (I think) the other Indian/Asian woman (sorry to keep bring it back to race, but I barely know any of their names!) was PM next week talking about the Bangladeshi evening for their pub

Ooh, I don't know now. In the 'next week' clip, I saw her with a clipboard in the back of one of the cars, and presumed from that she was in charge. The one I'm seeing getting fired has a very round, piggy face with small, close-together eyes. If she was PM in week one, then I have the memory of an, erm, thingy. Hehe.

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I disagree. I think it's so ingrained in their personality's that they can't even see they did anything wrong - because they're so super fabulous, which they then try to explain to SirA.

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Proper lols from Sugar's comment about ringing up to see how his pants were doing, as well.

Did anyone notice that vacuous black bint's (dunno her name) look when he said that? It was totally 'I would kill to know how my undies are doing at the dry cleaners'.

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Actually, the best bit was when the boys delivered the laundry back to the hotel, and they had a shot of the toffs walking down the street with all this mad victory funk in the background. It was like the opening sequence to 'Jackie Brown'.

I was going "OMG...There's another male Apprentice I haven't seen until now...oh it's hotel guy"

I'm also getting the feeling that Matt Lucas-a-like is a brown nose little toad, who's turn as PM is going be a fuck up of epic fuck-up-erry.

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That's what I thought. Sugar even said that Jenny was ultimately responsible for losing the task and he fired somebody who showed initiative, planning and organisational skills. All she did was follow orders and go back to the house to try and rectify the whole sorry mess.

I don't think she made it clear enough that Jenny told her to go. As far as Sugar could see she put all these systems in place to identify clothes and then fucked off of her own accord, leaving the others in the lurch. He said as much in You're Fired, that that was the reason she went. She could have blamed Jenny for that, or blamed the other team members who were with her when the clothes were being sorted, she just didn't fight her corner at all and got fired, much like Nicholas last week.

On the subject of Raef, did anyone else get the feeling that he was so keen to be PM after what happened to Alex last week? Sugar said to them both last week that Alex only survived because he'd put himself forward for PM, and then this week Raef is all of a sudden uberkeen, after last weeks pathetic whimpering when people suggested he PM. Did very well though.

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I'm going to be watching that 'The Top 10 Apprentice Fuck Ups' programme tonight.

I haven't seen all the shows, but it has to be a really special fuck-up that can beat the decision to buy a mountain of cheap, plastic-looking, clingfilm-wrapped mild cheddar and try and sell it to the French.

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I'm going to be watching that 'The Top 10 Apprentice Fuck Ups' programme tonight.

Oooo When?

The selling cheap cheddar to the French and pork to the Muslims at Ramadan are fairly good (well bad)...I'm trying to think of any bigger ones from the three series, but I can't...

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I haven't seen all the shows, but it has to be a really special fuck-up that can beat the decision to buy a mountain of cheap, plastic-looking, clingfilm-wrapped mild cheddar and try and sell it to the French.

Indeed. That's the clip they advertised the programme with. Probably the winner.

Up next? Top 10 Apprentice Bitches and Top 10 Apprentice Catfights (not ruling the chaps out here of course).

And, hopefully: Top 10 Apprentice Moments Where That Irish Lass From This Series Rubs Ice Cubes Over Her Nipples.

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Oooo When?

The selling cheap cheddar to the French and pork to the Muslims at Ramadan are fairly good (well bad)...I'm trying to think of any bigger ones from the three series, but I can't...

BBC2 9pm tonight (3rd April, for latecomers).

I reckon they might stick the lobster pricing in there, and/or the women's hotel laundry price quote.

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It's the toughest job on television and has given us some of the funniest TV moments ever ? remember last year's winner Simon Ambrose and that trampoline? From taking cheese to France and ordering too many chickens to designing calendars and selling art, we love it when it all goes wrong. In this hilarious clip show, former candidates and celebrity fans relive some of the best moments to come out of the worst decisions ever made on the Apprentice.

It doesn't say "top 10".

I can see the chickens (one per pizza wasn't it?)...the calenders....(I'm assuming when they did cats for a childrens charity)...the trampoline? Funny...but not really a bad decision/fuck up.

I was hoping for fucks up, not "funniest moments" clip show.

(I'd forgotten Simon won last year :unsure:)

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