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101 Greatest Simpsons Quotes.

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# Comic Book Guy: Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.

Hehe.

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Homer: How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.

Arf.

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My favourite Homer rant is missing:

"Look Marge, you don't know what it's like - I'm the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order! You're out of order! The whole freakin' system is out of order! You want the truth? You want the truth?! You can't HANDLE the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do! Forget it, Marge, it's Chinatown!"

;)

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HOMER:"Morning mr. Burns, heres your messages."

"You have 30 minutes to move your car."

"You have 10 minutes to move your car."

"Your car has been impounded."

"Your car has been crushed into a cube."

"You have 30 minutes to move your cube."

PHONE RINGS

HOMER: "Yello, mr.Burns' office?"

BURNS: "Is it about my cube?"

"YOU WANT THE TRUTH? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! NO, TRUTH HANDLER YOU! BAH, I DERIDE YOUR TRUTH HANDLING ABILITY!!!"

"I saw this in a movie where a bus had to speed around the city, keeping its' speed above 50, and if its' speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called... "The bus that couldn't slow down.""

;)

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I like:

"Ralph: Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me."

;)

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Psh, no mention of Mr. Burns' ""So, the caterpillar has emerged from his cocoon, as a shark, with a gun for a mouth." Or Homer's "Or What? You'll release the dogs?! Or the bees?! Or the Dogs with Bees in Their Mouths, and When They Bark They Shoot Bees at You?!"

And for some reason, I like this quote, Fat Tony: I’m afraid I must insist. You see, my wife, she has been most vocal on the subject of the pretzel monies. “Where’s the money? “When are you going to get the money?” “Why aren’t you getting the money now?” And so on.

I like this one the site mentioned though, Lionel Hutz: Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.”

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Kent Brockman: "One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I’d like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves."

and later on...

Kent Brockman: "Well, this reporter was... possibly a little hasty earlier and would like to reaffirm his allegiance to this country and its human president. It may not be perfect, but it's the best government we have. For now."

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It's weird, reading transcripts of the Simpsons really shows just how technically flawless the comedy is. It's almost as if when I watch it I'm thinking 'this is quite funny, but it's really funny because it's a cartoon and cartoon people are funny'. Then when I read the scripts I realise that's not it at all, I'm laughing because it's fantastically written.

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Suddenly, the Simpsons is the best thing ever again.

I always liked these, though they're made far funnier by the way they're said:

Homer: Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.

Sideshow Bob: Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?

Homer: Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?

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Australian Guy: You call that a knife? ....THIS is a knife!

Bart:.....thats a spoon..

Australian Guy:Ah, I see you've played knifey spooney before...

I was powerless for a good 5 minutes after seeing this for the first time, works better when you actually see it mind you.

or this from the same episode:

Australian Guy: bullfrog. that's an odd name. i would've called them chazwozzers!

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I like this one the site mentioned though, Lionel Hutz: Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.”

My personal favourite :)

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Australian Guy: You call that a knife? ....THIS is a knife!

Bart:.....thats a spoon..

Australian Guy:Ah, I see you've played knifey spooney before...

i've had that going around in my head for years and never remembered where it was from.... knifey spoony :)

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