Wolverine & The Wolverine Thread

[Lothar Hex]

Do I need spoiler tags for this discussions as I talk a lot about what I didn't like?

So I just got back from seeing X-Men Origins: Wolverine. And one phrase sums it up: Who? What? Where? When? Why? As in who the fuck are all these character? What the hell is going on? Where did that come from? When does it end? And, why should I care?

Seriously though, Wolverine is one of those films where if you even use an single cell of your brain, you’ll be asking these sort of questions. So I’ll answer the ones posted above.

Who the fuck are all these characters?

The film has far too many characters that you don’t give a shit about. Which is pretty much everyone in the un-named Weapon X program, I only call it that because they don’t have a name for it in the movie. There's Agent Zero, whose power is basically The Matrix. Some guy who I can;t remember the name but who I call The Remote Control, whose power is turning electrical things on and off with his mind, Spectre (well that’s what the giant neon sign in his office says), who is basically Nightcrawler but black. The only recognizable character apart from Sabretooth and Wolverine is the Blob, who isn’t called that and doesn't become a fat-arse until after leaving the program as he uses over-eating as a coping mechanism, according to black Nightcrawler.

Then there’s everyone’s favourite Merc with a Mouth, Wade Wilson, who doesn’t appear after the first twenty minutes and isn’t funny in the slightest. Finally something called Deadpool/Weapon XI, who is hinted at that it’s Wade but never confirmed, and I refuse to believe it is Deadpool because Deadpool is the only decent character Marvel have left (not without trying to ruin his comics mind you) and this thing is just stupid. So I’m calling him Jeff. Jeff is apparently the big baddie in this movie, and while it;s true he kicks the shit out of everything to the required degree, when I was watching him teleporting, kung fu-ing, and eye-beaming I just thought it was stupid. Even though he’s this big powerful mutant killing monster, he just doesn’t seem threatening. He looks stupid with his tattoos and covered over mouth and burned skin.

And Gambit is just pointless. The only reason he exists in this movie is to get in Wolverine;s way. Wolverine goes to find out where the Weapon X lab is, saying he’s going to kill everyone who Gambit doesn't like....then Gambit uses his powers to send him through a wall. Why? Who the fuck knows? Then when Wolverine is about to slice Sabretooth’s head off after being blasted outside, Gambit decides to explode the floor around him, instead of letting him kill one of the people he wants to die. I really don’t get why he’s there except to get in the way. And pretty much every

What the hell is going on?

I have no idea why half the stuff in this movie happened. Like Stryker’s plan to use Wolverine as a test subject for the adamantium procedure. Basically he plants Grey Fox in Wolvy’s life so she can die (except she doesn’t) so he can piss him off, so he’ll agree to the procedure, and make him even more indestructible than he already is. So he puts Wolvy in the tank, and says to a General why they’re not using anaesthetic (because it doesn’t work) and then proceeds to tell Agent Matrix or whatever that he’s going to wipe his memory so he doesn’t figure out he’s betraying him, while he;s standing right next to the bloody tank. Use your bloody brain

Also, pretty much every time he's in an action sequence (which is every time he’s on screen) Sabretooth does this four legged run, which just looks stupid, and is completely pointless. There’s a bit where he chases Cyclops through a school and he’s running along walls and doing crazy flips, and it just looks really daft when he could expend about half as much effort just running after him normally.

Also, where the fuck did Three Mile Island come from, didn't X-Men 2 establish that the Weapon X base is out in the woods somewhere at Alkali lake...NOT IN THE FUCKING MIDDLE OF A CITY?

Where did that come from?

Logan’s name. In the beginning he’s called James, and then throughout the rest oif the movie everyone calls him Logan but at no point is it ever explained why he’s called that. They just don’t bother. A single sentence would do. I know he's called it in the comics from somewhere, but they never say why he's called it in the film.

The Xavier puppet of ultimate creepiness. They use this CGI crap to make Patrick Stewart, as Professor X look younger, but it turns him into some sort of manic, perverted, CGI muppet. It looks horrifying and you can just tell he wants to do strange things to all these kids he’s apparently there to “rescue.” It looks like pure nightmare fuel so it must come from hell or something. I mean look at the fucking smile and try and convince me it’s supposed to be human.

The stupid poses, but I know where they come from, the comic books. The characters keep pulling these exaggerated poses from the comic books and they just don’t look good with real people. Take Wolverine’s pose when he rushes in on Sabretooth strangling Grey Fox near the end, he looks like he’s trying to shit out a lung.

Also, where the fuck did Three Mile Island come from, didn't X-Men 2 establish that the Weapon X base is out in the woods somewhere at Alkali lake...NOT IN THE FUCKING MIDDLE OF A CITY?

I also wonder where the idea came from to have Clark Kent’s parents turn up in this movie.

When does it end?

All through the movie I was bored and kept wondering when it was going to end. It’s just not exciting. Even the big action sequence with Logan taking on a couple of armed Humvee’s and a helicopter just fails to excite even the basic “explosions are awesome” bit of my brain. It just felt so bloody dull I kept looking at my watch.

Why should I care?

Seriously, why should I acre what’s happening in this movie. There’s no drama, no excitement, no likeable characters, there’s no reason for me to give a shit. The effects don;t illicit any moments of “cor that’s impressive” and quite frankly I doubt anyone end will. I can like good dumb films I can switch my brain off to, like Transformers, or The Punisher (Tom Jane version) or I,Robot, but this was just too stupid to like. I’m not a fan of the X-Men comics, and I think Wolverine is one of the most over-used characters of all time but this makes the comic version decent.

I could have spent that £5 for the ticket on a pizza or something. Such a waste.

[Sergeant Squid]

I went to see this yesterday and it's nowhere near as bad as people are making out. So there you go.

Also, on the whole 'Are Sabre and Wolvie related?'

Comics: No. It's hinted that Sabre might be Wolvie's dad but turns out not to be true. They just hate each other loads.

Wolverine Origins: Sabre is Wolvies (half?)brother. They end up hating each other loads.

X-Men 1: Wolvie doesn't recognise Sabre cus he has lost his memory, remember? ALso, Sabre doesn't say but two lines the whole film and he makes no mention of being related (as at this point they probably hadn't developed the story that far). It's not shown that they 'hate' each other but there is certainly no love lost between them.

Also, they call Wolverine 'Logan' because his name is supposedly James Logan.

[moosegrinder]

Define "not as bad" and which people? I'm not being argumentative, I just thought the general opinion in here was "feh". Although I think Lothar might have a serious mad on for it

[Sergeant Squid]

I enjoyed it. Bits of it made no sense, they messed up 'Deadpool' to Venom in Spidey 3 levels of shitness.

Also, so answer Lothar's beef about 3 mile island:

They shut Alkali lake after wolvie escaped and set the programme back up at the island. You should actually try paying attention to films some time, you might actually get some enjoyment out of them instead of just staring blankly at the screen in awe of these magic 'moving pictures'

[Lothar Hex]

I went to see this yesterday and it's nowhere near as bad as people are making out. So there you go.

Comics: No. It's hinted that Sabre might be Wolvie's dad but turns out not to be true. They just hate each other loads.

Also, they call Wolverine 'Logan' because his name is supposedly James Logan.

Wrong on both counts. In the Wolverine Origins comic it was shown that Sabretooth and Wolvie ARE half brothers. And his name is James Howlett and he chose Logan as an assumed name after he ran off.

Also, good point about the island! Must have missed that bit of obviousness because I was too busy not being impressed by the film. I also hear that there's a couple of different Deadpool endings, one showing that this Deadpool isn't Wade at all, so that's alright as well.

[Sergeant Squid]

Wrong on both counts. In the Wolverine Origins comic it was shown that Sabretooth and Wolvie ARE half brothers. And his name is James Howlett and he chose Logan as an assumed name after he ran off.

Also, good point about the island! Must have missed that during the sheer tedium.

Not read origin series. Must check it out.

I don't think they mentioned anything about 'Howlett' in the film iirc but I could be wrong. Interesting fact though, I never knew that.

[Lothar Hex]

To be fair, only reason I know is because I checked wikipedia. I don't think they actually mentioned where he got Logan from in the film, everyone, including Victor, just seems to start calling him that.

[Blue Screen Error]

Wrong on both counts. In the Wolverine Origins comic it was shown that Sabretooth and Wolvie ARE half brothers. And his name is James Howlett and he chose Logan as an assumed name after he ran off.

Eh?

Dog is Sabretooth? I know there was speculation but it was never confirmed.

Also the fact he has a big claw scar along his face kinda 'confirmed' it wasnt him.

see - http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c/cc/Dog_Logan1.jpg

[DeNeo]

Also the fact Logan saves Cyclops doesn't really justify why he's a complete frat boy cunt to him. Meh.

Cyclops wouldn't know Logan saved him would he, since he had his eyes covered at that point?

[Alex W.]

I think probably one of the other students would mention it to him. "Oh, hey, we were rescued by a hairy Canadian with knives for hands, he's awesome." Although their psychic mentor didn't pick up on it, so who knows.

[Lothar Hex]

Eh?

Dog is Sabretooth? I know there was speculation but it was never confirmed.

Also the fact he has a big claw scar along his face kinda 'confirmed' it wasnt him.

see - http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c/cc/Dog_Logan1.jpg

I'm just saying what I read on wiki.

[Sir DangerM]

Saw this tonight and while it wasn't shit, it wasn't great either.

I didn't hang around to see the after credits bit, but

with Deadpool surviving we might still see a proper Deadpool film. Now his mouth is fixed they just need to snap off those shit blades and give him his swords back.

[Lothar Hex]

Saw this tonight and while it wasn't shit, it wasn't great either.

I didn't hang around to see the after credits bit, but

with Deadpool surviving we might still see a proper Deadpool film. Now his mouth is fixed they just need to snap off those shit blades and give him his swords back.

There's 2 different "Deadpool" endings. The one you mention, and...

one where Weapon XI goes for his head...but is stop by a bloke in a black coat who picks it up and it turns out it's Wade Wilson and he asks "what the hell are you?"

[Sir DangerM]

There's 2 different "Deadpool" endings. The one you mention, and...

one where Weapon XI goes for his head...but is stop by a bloke in a black coat who picks it up and it turns out it's Wade Wilson and he asks "what the hell are you?"

That endings just made up isn't it?

[Lothar Hex]

Not that I know of. I got the shite one in the bar.

[Sergeant Squid]

Same. Crappy bar ending. I've heard the second alternate ending (and seen it on youtube) is

The camera scans the tattered wreckage of 3 mile island and you see a hand groping around in the rubble which eventually finds weapon XI’s head, which opens it’s eyes and says ‘sssh’ to the audience.

Also, in case folk didn’t know, a completely different actor played Weapon XI so what Lothar say’s isn’t too far fetched (unless it was just someone who could fill in for Reynolds to do kick ass kung fu shit…)

[Looper]

Couple questions:

Why did the sniper/leet shooting geezer shoot the old couple and say 'now it looks like he murdered two people' then blow up the barn with a missile, presumably incinerating them anyway?

Why did the kids, who have just spent however long being experimented on and held against their will, happily hop in a black helicopter with a creepy looking random who is clearly able to read their minds?

The 'Logan' name coming out of nowhere. "James James James LOGAN." Wat?

I kind of enjoyed it I guess, but it was the weakest by far of the X-Men movies so far.

[Sir DangerM]

Same. Crappy bar ending. I've heard the second alternate ending (and seen it on youtube) is

The camera scans the tattered wreckage of 3 mile island and you see a hand groping around in the rubble which eventually finds weapon XI’s head, which opens it’s eyes and says ‘sssh’ to the audience.

Also, in case folk didn’t know, a completely different actor played Weapon XI so what Lothar say’s isn’t too far fetched (unless it was just someone who could fill in for Reynolds to do kick ass kung fu shit…)

Weapon XI is still Ryan Reynolds (in close ups at least) he confirmed that in an interview ages ago when people were speculating who the character was when he appeared in trailers, they just used a different actor for the fight scenes because Reynolds doesn't know marshal arts

[Sir DangerM]

Couple questions:

Why did the sniper/leet shooting geezer shoot the old couple and say 'now it looks like he murdered two people' then blow up the barn with a missile, presumably incinerating them anyway?

Why did the kids, who have just spent however long being experimented on and held against their will, happily hop in a black helicopter with a creepy looking random who is clearly able to read their minds?

The 'Logan' name coming out of nowhere. "James James James LOGAN." Wat?

I kind of enjoyed it I guess, but it was the weakest by far of the X-Men movies so far.

They didn't bother explaining most things. Why James/Logans/Wolverines snapped off primitive looking bone claws were suddenly replaced with super sharp blades for one, seemingly just by injecting them with adamantium.

[Stig]

They didn't bother explaining most things. Why James/Logans/Wolverines snapped off primitive looking bone claws were suddenly replaced with super sharp blades for one, seemingly just by injecting them with adamantium.

He can regenerate.

[Sir DangerM]

He can regenerate.

Why did they turn into proper blades? They were just sharp knobbly boney things before.

[moosegrinder]

It's one of the inconsistencies of the comic, I think. We found out his adamantium wasn't part of his mutant power when Magento forcibly removed it from his body, so I think they kinda made it up as they went. I think it could explained away that during the bonding process the bones were reshaped to be more useful (as in blades that can slash opposed to bone claws he can poke with). That's my take on it anyway.

[JohnC]

Hugh's company is developing a sequel with Fox. It will be inspired by a samurai storyline from the comics. I'm sure some of you know something about that.

[A.C.R.O.N.Y.M]

Adamantinium was never a power, it was something put in him to create the perfect superhero, his memory lost was due to the extreme experiment it had on him if I remember. His mutant power is simply his healing actor and heightened senses and bone claws.

[Broker]

Eh?

Dog is Sabretooth? I know there was speculation but it was never confirmed.

Also the fact he has a big claw scar along his face kinda 'confirmed' it wasnt him.

I assume his healing factor would get rid of that eventually? I'm guessing that the current Wolverine Origins series will eventualy link that together and it will turn out he's Victor.

It's one of the inconsistencies of the comic, I think. We found out his adamantium wasn't part of his mutant power when Magento forcibly removed it from his body, so I think they kinda made it up as they went. I think it could explained away that during the bonding process the bones were reshaped to be more useful (as in blades that can slash opposed to bone claws he can poke with). That's my take on it anyway.

The bone claws are just as good for slashing as the metal ones in the conics.

[moosegrinder]

Which is odd, because they're round. I think we should just accept the films full the plot holes you could drive a wagon through.

[JohnC]

It fits nicely into the comic world then. They tend to be inconsistent and having different explanations for things over the years too.

[Alex W.]

This managed to be inconsistent over the course of about 100 minutes.

[Broker]

How do Xavier and Cyclops fit in if it's set before X1?

[Jack Walsh's coffee shop]

I'm no buying a magazine that does either of those things.

Empire once reviewed GoldenEye ..... on N64.

Gave it two stars.

Said it was "an uninspired Doom clone".

Since then they've always been the Number 1 enemies of fun in my book.