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Everything posted by projectarnold

  1. I've two books of poetry and a book of horror short stories available on Amazon here.
  2. In case anyone missed it first time round it's free again across Halloween if you want some spooky sofa reads! https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B07VP1KDCN/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1572454678&sr=8-1
  3. Thanks, three1ne, hope you're as horrified and unsettled once you're done as was intended! Still struggling for Amazon/GoodReads reviews, so feedback would be wicked come the bleak and shivering end of your read
  4. A Conan-esque bit of Swords & Sorcery I wrote. Bout 9,000 words. There's more available if you like it! https://godsonlytoys.wordpress.com/2019/09/14/the-valley-of-blood/
  5. Praise from Ceasar! I know you're a man of discerning tastes. Thanks for taking the trouble, glad you've enjoyed it
  6. Thanks for pointing that out, dumpster; Amazon's UX design once again trying to give its customer a bum deal Sadly, the promo is over but if I do another I'll know to call it out. I think we're friendly enough around here that a bit of ad-hoc shilling isn't met with tar and feathers, so is a specific thread needed? Totally on-board with the sentiment, though, I now have a review! (if, indeed, "David" is a rllmuker, of course) Thanks everyone who took the time to take a look!
  7. Yeah, I can change them fairly easily. Would appreciate if you could point them out by PM!
  8. Thanks! And yes (but with a sprinkle of "sort of" and a fairly heavy dose of "well, not really") "Songs for White Whales" was a commission from our very own Tofu (now in self-imposed exile after being caught taking credit for someone else's work, I believe?) "Black Orchard" is a stock image. "Crawling Skin" is a manipulated photo. I did, however, turn all of them into workable paperback fronts, spines and rears, though, which was an absolute trial by fire for my (previously non-existent) GIMP skills and something that I would not recommend to anyone looking for a good time!
  9. So, lovely people, my collection of short stories "The Black Orchard & Other Stories" is free this weekend if anyone fancies taking a very low risk punt on my scribbling? (a paperback is also available if you're feeling lucky/munificent, as well as two collections of poetry, of which "Crawling Skin" is probably the better one) I've managed to shift a handful (paid) via an Amazon add campaign, but have struggled to get reviews coming in. If you were to pick up a FREE #GIVEAWAY L@@K copy of my book perhaps some of you might be so grand as to leave a bit of feedback for the shopping public, it would be massively appreciated! You might even enjoy it as well, obvs, because I don't think it's too shabby Ta! Amazon Here Goodreads There
  10. This is accurate. Doom 64 is mental; so many people just assume it's some janky port. It's as if there was a Scorsese-directed masterpiece version of Godfather III that was only ever released on VHS but most people never saw it cause it had a similar cover to the shit version we're all familiar with.
  11. The original Mortal Kombat. I don't know if it's just me but (despite not being a brilliant game) it oozes this weird, sinister and almost haunted kind of atmosphere that I can't quite put my finger on. And how has no one mentioned Majora's Mask? From the intro with Skull Kid onwards it just just builds and builds, the closer that leering moon gets...
  12. Someone already said it but definitely Sex and The City 2. It's an objectively terrible piece of cinema, of course, but its also spritiually hateful in a way that I'm not sure I can describe. There's something both malevolent and, at once, oblivious about it. It's the film version of a weird kid whose nose always runs taking a cat out into the woods and dousing it in lighter fluid; proud, ignorant, selfish and cruel. I dislike it so intensely it actually makes my skin crawl.
  13. Look at us, rllmuk's scribes, all in one thread (except that sell-out guy who's "for real" published) How Bohemian! Dan - That's brilliant. I will now buy your book. DON'T buy another copy of mine with the intention we just do that in turn until we're both famous. I've hashed out that idea and came to the conclusion, of my own accord, that it's not gonna work! Ramone - Mate, I'm not trying to upset anyones sensibilities. The harsh language is vital to the tone. Please try to understand and give it another go? Remember to give it a five star raping as well!
  14. Right, so we just need to get Amazon in on it then...
  15. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Songs-Whales-Nuclear-Winter-ebook/dp/B00DVNVG2Y/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1373741430&sr=8-1&keywords=songs+for+white+whales+and+nuclear+winter You buy mine. I'll buy (one of) yours. According to my calculations if we do this millions upon millions of times, we will both have exactly the same amount of money as when we started BUT we will be, like, the top two selling books on Kindle. Which is probably pretty good publicity. Hang on a minute, would this actually fucking work?
  16. So, I've made an ebook. It's not really funny like that Jamie fella that everyone loves, even though jumping into his stuff is like trying to jump straight into the old Israel/Palestine thing and knowing who's side it's "OK" to be on. It's poetry. Really bitter and arch poetry. I think it has a joke in there somewhere. I forget. Buy it and see? It has got fucking pagebreaks and a proper cover and has been proofread though. The lovely cover is done by Rllmuk's very own Tofu an' all! It is honestly 100% better than 90% of amateur poetry, nearly all of which would appear to be complete shit. People like it. Americans, women and religious maniacs, largely. Check it out, tweet it and share it and like it and 5 star it and stuff. That'd be really, really nice. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Songs-Whales-Nuclear-Winter-ebook/dp/B00DVNVG2Y/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1373741430&sr=8-1&keywords=songs+for+white+whales+and+nuclear+winter
  17. I'm sure it's not that bad, mate
  18. Hello art people who's thread I rarely read cause it makes me feel sad about how bad I am at art! I'm looking to publish an E-Book of some of my wafflings on Kindle and I need a front cover. But I'm bad at art. And lazy. I wondered if one of you massively talented people might be interested in helping? For 25 pounds! I already have an idea of what I'm looking for, just not the skills to make it happen. I am, of course, also open to any much better ideas you may have. There are one or two small specifics pertaining to it being on Kindle but nothing too awkward and I don't think it'll be particularly difficult to realize. PMs incoming please!
  19. It certainly seems like the threads are starting to come loose doesn't it? I used to work there and feel really bad for the people who are still about. Seeing articles like the BBC one must be pretty awful when you work in retail and start seeing the writing on the wall for your employer. I just hope the administration that seems looming can keep as many of them in work as possible. I read an article a month or go about peoples anxieties and it claimed that losing ones job had shot up in the last few years. I believe it. The thought terrifies me. I think some of the people in this thread with their pathetic fantasies of strutting into Game to spend their five pound of reward points and "telling them just why I'm doing it!" need to get a grip.
  20. Can anyone confirm whether the Ice White is likewise graced with a better build?
  21. You got any idea which particular versions of Xploder support this Dandy?
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