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Lasers are brilliant

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Everything posted by Lasers are brilliant

  1. "Gentlemen. It's logical to watch the entire run of TOS because I am in it, and I am the greatest badass in the entire Star Trek canon."
  2. Yeah, there's still some retro stuff downstairs. Weirdly, a load of PC Engine stuff arrived a couple of months ago, but it's all quite heavily overpriced. For the record, there's PS1, Saturn Jap, Dreamcast, Dreamcast Jap, PCE, PS2 UK JAP US, GC UK US JAP and Xbox there. GBA stuff in the cabinet on the counter (mostly loose carts), sitting with an unboxed AES for £299 and the usual wad of PSP promos. The dude running it these days also has a small selection of NES/SNES/MD stuff from various regions, but you have to ask to see most of it.
  3. I remember recharging health in Saboteur on the Spectrum.
  4. If that new C64 came with some serious emulation helpers, like a couple of 9-pin joystick ports, it would be more worthwhile.
  5. Powerups muddy the water and change the core interactive dynamic, though. Where previously you had the choice of taking the quickest, cleanest line or showboating for kudos, both of which were based in purist car control, Blur chucked in a load of powerups that changes the fundamental nature of the game - and are ultimately childish ideas. 'Mature' racing doesn't need advantage-altering, completely artifical bullshit. It seems Bizarre had a crisis of creativity after PGR3 and thought a step sideways was better. Ultimately, it killed the studio. This was pretty obvious when Bizarre thought the one thing PGR needed was fucking motorbikes instead of, say, expanding its environment to the open-world concept of TDU. The idea of Bizarre getting there first with a huge, open real-world landmass and that sublime handling model makes me just cry and cry and cry. But yeah, to go from "yeah motorbikes in a car series!" to "yeah, powerups in a semi-authentic real-world racer!" is a sign of someone at the top being fucking dumb.
  6. TDU2 is such a clear a victim of *underfunding* and *financial year pressure* from the publisher. It's still fucking ace, mind.
  7. The PCE version is lovely. Those mid-80s Capcom shooters were amazing. 1943 (and Kai) stood out as well, then UN Squadron and Forgotten Worlds and then... nothing. Fucking SF2, innit. "Best" isn't really the right angle for me here. "Most loved" is better - Blazing Star is fucking incredible, as are the Thunderforces and Gradius V, but Salamander will always, always, always have a special place in my heart. The big horns on stage 1! The flares on Stage 3! OMFG. OMFG. OMFG.
  8. The dress-up alone destroys GTA IV. SR2 was perfection until it ran out of clothes. The rest is pure, simple fun. The fact that you're criticising SR2's blatantly piss-taking storyline suggest that you didn't quite 'get it'. Sneer at the toilet humour if you must, but when you're given a minigame titled "quell the prostitute riot with a flamethrower", or have to burn around a college on a flaming quad bike and are scored for setting fire to people, or running around a freeway trying to get hit by speeding trucks to get insurance money, it's hard to deny that there's buckets of fun in SR2 - particularly if you leave your any GTA-influenced pretensions at the door.
  9. BLAKE'S MOTHERFUCKING SEVEN. All of B5's balls come from this.
  10. The best GTA is Saint's Row 2. GTA IV is completely devisive. If you're into interactive design, the possibilities of open game worlds, player authorship of the experience, player authoriship of characterisation, emergent play, improvisational play and emergent entertainment, Saint's Row 2 utterly crushes it and every GTA previously. If you're into mish-mashed, dreary and predictable influences worn on the sleeve, reference-heavy plotting, pretentious narratives and intrusive characterisation, GTA IV wins. If you like raw interactive design and emphasis on the player as the author of their experiences, it's pure emporer's-new-clothes piss. Fundamentally, the interactive design of the series took a major step *backwards* after San Andreas. For my money, both GTA IV was a wasteful bag of utter, utter shit. So much good, solid, mandatory-as-standard game design from other open world games was completely ignored, either out of wilful arrogance that what was there was 'enough', or even worse, to chase down the shitty cul-de-sac of cinematic aspiration.
  11. It's a lot more impressive for its data compression than it is for pushing the C64 chipset. Most of the cool effects are either (relatively) trivial thanks to the his pretty unique approach to fitting the main sample in ~50k, or pre-calculated via big fat table look-ups on a per-sample basis, rather than actual realtime processing of a single audio sample - and data tables were actually generated on a modern PC with a hardcore mathematics package (but took ages to process, fair enough). Like all great demoscene effects, the real genius is making it look like the hardware *appears* to be doing something, rather than it actually doing it. That said, the coding is fucking badass cycle-exact stuff, so the C64's running at optimum. For my money, http://noname.c64.org/csdb/release/?id=72678 is a lot more mindfucking, as it's really not fucking around.
  12. Peter Jones, head of DED, was one of the people behind Rise Of The Robots. This should be all you need to know.
  13. Ahhh I did try a 1.3 disk, but it didn't work. I couldn't tell if it was the disk that was fried or if the 1000 hated it.
  14. It is indeed. I rescued an early one that has 256k RAM onboard, 256k add-on RAM. I've never had it boot properly, as I've never found a physical Kickstart 1.0 (!) disk, but I don't care on account of the beauty of the thing (and the amazingness of the case inscriptions, which I didn't know about when I first opened it up).
  15. ZOK's pretty much nailed it but I dunno. I was definitely fucked over by several films throughout my life and they definitely 'affected' me, but I wouldn't say I was traumatised by them to anywhere near the degree things in my *actual life* have traumatised me. And it sounds like you're traumatised by the idea so maybe, without trying to sound like a patronising cunt, the responsibility lies with you to come to terms with why such ideas are so upsetting? That's the way I feel about media outrage full stop, if I'm perfectly honest. The offendee has the problem, not the media artefact. And yeah, Man Bites Dog was a big 'cannot unsee' moment for me too, but at the same time, I found it hardened me by making me question my reaction to it, rather than be fearful of what I'd seen and let it become overwhelming. Also, I personally flip out massively over any cruelty-to-animals story I read and really couldn't stomach a film that's 90 mins of killing kittens, but as long as the kittens aren't being harmed, I'm fine with the film existing and I'm fine with people watching it.
  16. NICE ARGUMENT, BRO. Davros, this itself is quite upsetting to read - you really shouldn't let a film bother you this much. Can't you get the corrolation and understand why someone might want to express a decade of personal trauma on a scale 99% of us cannot imagine via the most shocking film they could conceive of? At the very least, just consider it a particularly hardcore form of trolling.
  17. Then you're mega Daily Mail. You're just being reactionary - you hate the idea, so you hate the film. It reads like your morality is making your decision for you and singling out people justifying what is, by any reasonable definition, a piece of art as being 'what's wrong with this place' pretty much seals you as being roughly equivalent to KEEPBRITAINBRITISH29 on The Sun's message board kicking off about assylum seekers. Your example of '90 mins of simulated kiddie fiddling' would be perfectly fucking fine if you can justify it artistically and ideologically. I could probably justify it if I knew anything about you. It's just a fucking movie. You can argue that something as magnificent as COMMANDO is worse than your worst-case-scenario idiocy because in that, loads of poeple actually die. At least abused kids can recover and live relatively normal lives. Put it this way - I totally buy the notion that Serbia's recent history of brutal horror cinema is tied directly to the horrors the population underwent in the 90s. IN CONTEXT, and giving a cursory fucking look at Serbia's horror output over the last decade, makes a fine corrolation for this. Brutal films like these sound perfectly understandable in way that something like, say, Salo or the Guinea Pig series, aren't anywhere near as easy to justify, particularly when you consider the societies that produced them. What's more, in the overall context of European cinema, this just seems a fairly natural hybrid of US torture horror and Lars Von Trier. I don't think there's anything more offensive in A Serbian Movie than there is in The Idiots.
  18. It's astonishing that people can still be so offended by ideas and descriptions of a fucking FILM when the shit that's depicted in it is probably ACTUALLY happening simultaneously, in several places, right fucking now, somewhere in the world. There's probably worse going on in Brazil or Russia or Africa. Maybe it's the subliminal shock of realising that possibility that's causing the upset.
  19. Playing Mercenary for the first time and going down in the lift at 09-06. Blew my fucking mind that it was actually a world to explore, not just a vector flight sim like Elite. I don't think I was as boggled as that until I saw Ridge Racer running in the arcade. Seemed such a huge step up from Final Lap and Virtua Racing. Likewise the arrival of good emulation. The console stuff didn't astound me as much as the arcade emus. The very early Mame versions, Starcade, Callous etc. were like my dreams coming true, especially once late 80s boards started getting viable like CPS1 and System 16. AFTERBURNER?!? ON MY PENTIUM 2?
  20. Decent issue, ropey subbing. Roland says the Z80's got 4mb as opposed to the 6502's 1mb. :s
  21. The only letter I ever got printed in a 2000AD publication was a searing defence of John Hicklenton's awesome b+w work.
  22. The easy answer is no. There's some retro stuff in a few places, but it's all hugely overpriced. The best is maybe Gamefocus on Goodge Street. It's got a small range of PAL and NTSC Dreamcast, Saturn, PS1 and GC stuff (and like three PC Engine games), along with some decent PS2 imports, though it's all well pricey. It was actually shut yesterday, which I thought meant it had actually closed, though the Facebook page says NUFFINK: http://www.facebook.com/pages/London-Unite...us/186624717871
  23. Dear Turn 10 and Microsoft, How about giving me something nice that costs you nothing, like say 200k of in-game money, when I buy one of your DLC car packs? That way, you might just offset the disgust I feel at having to purchase vehicles I have no intention of owning just to get the two cars per pack that I really, really want. Yours sincerely, Lasers.
  24. The chief problem is that 99% of games are derived from filmic settings, characters, themes and tropes, often delivered and implented in incredibly shallow, lazy and overtly referential ways. It's like trying to make a photocopy of a shitty photocopy and wondering why it looks like an even shittier photocopy. Take Nick R's Splinter Cell example - it's *already* 24, James Bond and Bourne in a Clancy by-the-numbers world, so expecting it to deliver a decent movie is, frankly, laughable.
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