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  1. One more raid story before bed. I start a Scav run and already shit is kicking off where I need to go, in places where shit doesn’t normally kick off. I’ve only spawned in with a pistol, no armour, no helmet. I’m already resigned to an early death. I strike off sure I’m on another sub 1 minute run. I spy someone ahead of me. I can’t engage, I’ve only got a pistol, a shit FPS and line of sight is obscured by a metal pipe so I hunker down and hope they bugger off. After 30 seconds or so I decide to double back on myself and start to do so. A little voice says “This is a fucking stupid idea.” And so start back the way I was going, which is now silent. As I decide to do so I see a squad of two mooching along the fence and so I duck behind a bus shelter, but it’s too late. They’ve seen me. It’s going to get messy. The first engages me and does some good damage, but I don’t go down. I pop off at him and edge around the bus to get in cover, where I see his mate just stood facing the other way. This is amateur hour; this guy should be coming towards me to fuck my shit up. Instead I somehow manage to one tap him with my pistol and he goes down like a sack of spuds. His mate is still on the other side of the bus so I scramble to reload and go back round. I pop more at him and he gets another good shot in, but then he backs off. I pull the trigger. *click* …fuck. Then he runs at me with a knife. He’s out of fucking ammo! I reload VERY quickly and flatten him. Two PMCs dead! With a Scav who only has a pistol! I’m so not going to make it out alive. I happen to have spawned with a decent medikit so I do the do and fix all I can, but three limbs are blacked out, I’m low on energy but I’m not bleeding to death this time. It’s time to get the duck out of Fodge. I loot the everliving shit out of the bodies and scram. I stumble on at half regular speed because both of my legs are fucked. I find the next cache on the way which has a pomegranate juice in it and that raises my dangerously low energy, but the chances of me getting to extract are pretty slim. I push on. As I’m halfway to extract my vision starts going dark and lightening up again. I can’t sprint. I can’t fix myself. I have no juice. I’m fucked. Except I’m not. I somehow make it to extract, hunker down and get out with the spoils of a very strange Scav raid. Then I see what my Scav was named. This game is fucking ridiculous.
  2. Corporate non denial speech wrapped up in Ono's pigeon English. Ace.
  3. Moderately successful on Tarkov today. Managed to make it out with some loot on PMCs but Scav runs have been lacking. Last one was great though. I was looting a cache on Customs when I got shot from someone unseen. I manage to leg it but I'm bleeding badly. I haven't spawned in with anything other than a basic medkit so I can't stop the bleeding. I can't sprint because they've proper fucked me. So I start panic searching caches near. Found one bandage so that's one bloodloss stemmed, and I'm knocking back medkit like a fiend. Get to the next cache and there's nothing there. I'm basically dead. I stop staggering around and wait for death's sweet kiss. Then, footsteps. A Player Scav pops round the corner and isn't paying attention so I pump as many of my shitty Saiga rounds into this dickhead and he drops. I stumble over to his body and loot him for the meds that are going to save my life! Surely, SURELY there's something on him?! Nope. Nothing. Nada. Zip. I am fucked. I try for the next cache and my eyes close and I die. I enter oblivion after nearly 9 minutes. Dude gut shot me. The twist, though? I killed the cunt that killed me before I died. HAH! Karma, bitch.
  4. Narrator: "Not any more."
  5. Postabargain don't exist any more. Dude couldn't keep it going and do a full time job
  6. A second plagued dickhead I'm doing alongside the first guy. Some very fundamental mistakes that I'll clean up later. One thing I have learned over the course of these two is the importance of cleaning your models up.
  7. The sealed games I've picked up cheap are stacking up. Wario Ware Gold, Dragon Quest VIII, Sushi Striker, Codename S.T.E.A.M. And now I've bought Picross E7 because there is no such thing as too much Picross.
  8. Working at a glacial pace. Going to see if I can get this finished today and though it looks like I haven't done much since the last picture he's now blocked in (aside from the little squidgy dude which will only be a quick job). Edit: just seen the bloody edge of the belly plate at the bottom needs doing. Ffs.
  9. I've gone back to mop up the 3ds ones I've missed. Then there's the Sanrio one if I get desperate. S4 must be due soon. Must be....
  10. Yeah, not gonna lie that's what sold me an X.
  11. It depends if he's playing with 'realistic' damage on. I had to turn that on before I started liking it.
  12. The last few days on this have been fucking awful. Getting lazered out of nowhere, not hitting shit, not even extracting so I can sell shit. So much so that I almost uninstalled the fucking thing. Add to that I've been trying to get a PMC spawn near enough to the Unknown Key hut so I can get the quest done for Skier and it's decided to chuck me as far away from it as possible each time I've not been a happy bunny. I just spawned in and started looting about on my way to the hut when I found a Paracord and a green gunpowder which I needed to get another ammo box. Then I found a gauge which is good money. I decide to ditch the quest and get the fuck out of dodge with my 200k or so of loot in my Alpha container. On my way out I run across a player scav and feel I've got advantage and so pop at him once, then get the most dreaded of things; the dry click. I hadn't reloaded my hunter on spawn. I thought I'd done it in inventory before queuing, so I hammer R and nothing happens. So I do what any right thinking person would. I ran away. Turns out the hunter is not a single shot top loading deal and does in fact require magazines. Fuck. So I find a corner after exhausting myself, load up my bag, vest and dump all my shit in a corner for Prapor's goons to find and leg it. I am not being inconspicuous, quiet or stealthy. At this point I don't give a fuck as chances of me living are very, very slim. I have to get to Crossroads or Trailer Park so I leg it down the train tracks on the other side of the river to the bottom as it offers most cover. As I get south of Big Red I see some dead scavs, and amongst them is a PMC body with a hunter still on him. I loot him and he's got a hunter with a reflex and a vest with 4 mags! I rob that, his pistol, bag and dog tag and scarper to the Trailer Park and extract. It's the most successful PMC run I've had in fucking ages. Also, turns out I didn't search his bag when I looted him, I just chucked it on. Cunt had got a blue Labs card in there. That's another 180k
  13. I won't be about tonight, hopefully will be over the weekend.
  14. Polygon put up a load out guide which was not very good and the internet did what the internet does.
  15. I'll get on that in a bit. Whether I'm about depends on if my OH is playing her Xbox or watching some mind numbing shit on TV because I'm not inflicting Call The fucking Midwife on people. Although push to talk is a thing on PC isn't it? Also I'm an antisocial cunt most of the time. However I do want to get down squads going on with this, if only to get some quests done. Solo can be soul crushing. My biggest worry with playing with people is popping team mates in the head when we split up. Anyway, I'll add you both on the game and get on the discord. I'm pretty sure I'm moosegrinder on there too.
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