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Felchjockey

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Everything posted by Felchjockey

  1. Nod off? I'm sorry, I don't post here much, but this is unmitigated rubbish. Nod bloody off? This isn't Metal Gear, much as I love that series. Off the top of my head I can't think of a single cutscene in Resi 4 that lasts over 4 minutes, unless there's a massive increase in cutscene length after ch. 5-2. Hardly dialogue-heavy, either. Part of the reason for the gashness of the story is the absolute lack of exposition in the cutscenes. This isn't a matter of opinion, this is a matter of deliberately distorting what's there. And the continue/quit gripe...I don't know how people are arguing this. Totally meaningless. The only problem I've had with this game is the glut of endlessly respawning enemies that occured for a few too many portions of the castle.
  2. The stock generic monsters are so dull compared to the soldiers. Especially the black ninjas. The black ninjas are fantastic. First time you meet them, they cut you to pieces. Then you get the enormous satisfaction of steadily improving against them until you can wipe them out in seconds. BUT! You then get overconfident and the dance starts again. Skeleton zombies are, however, poo. No skill to fighting them at all. Pretty please with cream on top, will videogame developers stop using crappy monster/alien designs when they are so frequently horribly inferior to humans? I've never gotten past the helicopter, although I've never really gone for it, because I know that after that the game is pretty much monsterville all the way to the end. I can see myself going back to it, though, because when Ninja Gaiden is good, it's very, very good indeed.
  3. Seeing as they haven't had a mention yet, I must say the classic teams are brilliant now. Classic England are now actually really good, and Classic Holland and Brazil's default formations are wonderfully insane, but pretty true in spirit. The Dutch one is pure Total Football. The Brazil one...well, they only have two actual defenders. I'm convinced there's a way this formation becomes devastating if played with correctly, but as it is, a good team will tear it apart. Plus, Adriano is now god. In fact, Inter are ridiculously good.
  4. I saw it as part of an epic double bill with Batman and Robin - the latter has the hilariously stupid one liners, but the former is a more spectacularly moronic film. I laughed and larfed. "MAN-ANIMALS? With LEVerage? Over ME?" One nuclear bomb killing an entire planet. Fantastic stuff.
  5. The Lance bit isn't so hard if you do what I did. I got a car, smashed it up until it was on fire, drove at full speed towards the junkyard entrance and bailed out. Mobile fucking bomb, oh yes. Then it's simply a matter of slaughtering everyone with a shotgun. I love Vice City. The only really bastard mission in the game is the Driver, because it isn't entirely fair. Very satisfying, though. Copland is a fucker also. I loved KOTOR precisely for its ease. A wonderfully relaxing game to play.
  6. Superman 3 really is a fucked up film. Obviously computer-wire woman is the stuff of fever dreams, but my personal disturbo-moment from that film is when evil Superman beats the shit out of Clark Kent, chucks him in a car crusher and turns it on.
  7. The irony of this post when arguing that Peter Jackson is a better director is profound. "What's that? I need some emotion? SWELL the music! CLOSE-UP of the hobbits crying for the umpteenth time in this interminable film! SLooooooow-Mo! FEEL HOW EPIC I AM!" Please. Jackson has made two genuinely good films (Heavenly Creatures, Fellowship) and some entertaining schlock. Two Towers is an abomination. Latter-day Spielberg is under-rated to fuck. I'd take A.I over all three Lord of the Rings films, what with it actually going for something beyond Good vs Bad. And no, that ending is not at all happy. It's very, very disturbing.
  8. Level Six. Skeleton archers on the platforms, who fucking respawn if you don't make it. If you're out of incendiary shurikens it simply becomes a matter of luck. In fairness, this is an isolated case. There are plenty of times when it seems unfair but really isn't. Those cunting archers are, however, the exception.
  9. Marathon Man - Zell, Der Weiss Angel. Dentist torture = villainy. "Is it safe?" A bastard of the highest order.
  10. You say misinformed, I say wilfully stupid. Forgive me if I don't see BNP voters as innocent lambs led astray by the slightly less overt racism of Nick Griffin and co. I don't think they're nearly as 'mislead' as you'd like to believe. As for integration, it isn't something you can just wave a wand towards and make happen. It takes time. Wait and see what the next few generations of recent immigrants do before you start proclaiming the doom of multiculturalism.
  11. That anyone can say that either Goodfellas or The Long Good Friday contained bad acting makes Baby Jesus, Baby Buddha and Baby Mohammed all weep like bereaved zebras. And Goodfellas glamourised its protagonists? They were despicable shits! Just because Henry Hill's voice-over derides 'the ordinary schnooks' doesn't mean you're meant to agree with him. Is City of God a genuine gangster film? I would argue that it has a wider scope perhaps. The Long Good Friday is great, though. "The Mafia? I shit 'em."
  12. I likes what I hear and would like to subscribe to your newsletter plz. Defending Citizen Kane = bonus. It really is that good. The whole 'boring' stigma is WANK. The elves are really really shit, though. Lord of the Rings just dies every time those irritating bastards turn up. What flow Two Towers had was killed stone-dead after Aragon fell off the Cliff O'Doom, and the subsequent arsey elf interlude.
  13. Hmmmmmmm...I just remembered how fucking cool Descent was. It was messed up, dimension-spinning, motion-sickness inducing kerazee fun. I demand a spiritual sequel with spiffy graphics and effects. And Thom Yorke as a boss.
  14. I'm worried about where the single-player has disappeared to. They've released plenty of multiplayer shots and info, not much singleplayer stuff. If last year's E3 demo was just put together for the show then we've got very little information on the genuine one-player campaign. My fear is that they overload on the multiplayer and neglect the singleplayer. They won't be able to get away with widespread level design repetition again. Fears are mostly likely just neuroses though, in the time they've had to develop I can't see how Bungie could feasibly mess it up.
  15. Best 3D platformer ever made. Mario 64 was the revolution, Banjo refined it and was better. The level where you fly to the top of the Snowman was un-befucking-lievable. As was Clanker's Cavern. The scale of the whole thing is immense. Click Clock Wood - not my favourite level, but undoubtedly the most well-designed. Superb.
  16. Its not a technically spectacular shot, but it just looks wonderful. Very Spaghetti-western, these are the four horseman of the apocalypse, bad stuff's going down stylee. There is a lot of understated brilliance in this film compared to the first's insanity. The use of sound and light in the burial scene, for example, is totally convincing, horrifying in a really claustrophobic sense. Even if you dislike Kill Bill's script, it is clear to see that Tarantino has devoped as a visual director in a major way with this film. I could never have imagined that he was capable of such dynamism and flair as he's shown with this film. Great as they are, his first three were hardly as fluid and ambitious as this, were they?
  17. Pikmin is a truly sinister game. Kind of like Cannon Fodder updated for modern times. A friend of mine told me what happens in the first game if you fail to get off the planet in time. Shit me right up, it did. 8) The sumo Pikmin look the shizzlety fizzle. With this game being good, I might get a GC later in the year. Pikmin 1 and 2, Twin Snakes, Metroid, F-Zero, Resident Evil 4...yes, I'd say thats enough good games to warrant a purchase. And Unity if it ever comes out.
  18. Felchjockey

    The Streets

    Is he really scally/chav/whatever the fuck music though? For some reason I don't see all those fourteen year-old twats who hang around McDonald's of a Friday evening trying to look hard really listening to the likes of 'Stay Positive' off OPM. Haven't heard the new album, but loved the first one.
  19. But surely Metroid fans would have initially shat blood at seeing their beloved franchise all first-persony and such? Fandom can be a problem, but I don't think Metroid Prime is a particularly pertinent example of its negative influences.
  20. But that speech is self parodical. The whole obvious exchange between the Bride and Bill of how long it would take for the serum to kick in - "oh, a couple of minutes, just long enough to make my point", coupled with the Bride's exasperation at this self-indulgence, was clearly a nod from Tarantino towards the fact that this was such a blatantly "Tarantinoesque" piece of writing. Got a laugh from the audience anyway, but turned out to be a much stronger observation of the Bride's character than it initially seemed. As for the Two Pines sequence, I found that any accusations of long-windedness were dissipated for me through the underlying sense of inevitable doom running through the entire Bill-Bride dialogue. Little flashes where you got a picture of how dangerous Bill was. And the pull out shot from the chapel to the Deadly Vipers was just fantastic. By the way, one piece of writing that I really, really liked was Elle Driver's encyclopedia-style description of the Black Mamba. Brilliantly cold and villainous.
  21. Squarepusher - Iambic Five Poetry DJ Shadow - Midnight in a Perfect World. Unkle - Rabbit in Your Headlights.
  22. Oh yes indeed. Those who moan about the single player - fuck the story mode. Unless you have gone toe to toe with never-ending ducks, double shotgun, in the zone, full on insanity of mallard carnage...you have not played TS2. Plus it has snowmen that shout "I'm melting!" when you hit them with a flamethrower. And the Evil FUCKING Chinese chef. And that Assault challenge where you have to prevent those men in suits setting up a dotcom company. Inspired insanity I say, less a FPS, more an old-school arcade game brought fully up to date in 3D. I will admit however that those machine-gun wielding giant hands bitchslapped me. To hell.
  23. Am I the only person who has considered the fact that the PSP's ramped-up tech will facilitate the creation of high-end 2D games with spunktastic graphics? I mean, you're not going to see Ikaruga or even Radiant Silvergun on a GBA. And Sony's supposed vendetta against 2D PS2 games did come after they announced the PSP. Maybe they plan on relocating 2D gaming to handhelds completely? Obviously there will be a fair few 3D PSP games, but I don't see that its feasible for a handheld to exist without pick up and play 2D games.
  24. Star Wars Episode Three: Hulk Hogan raping your childhood, then having a beer and cheeting on his wife with warewolves and vampires.
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