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Felchjockey

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  1. Nod off? I'm sorry, I don't post here much, but this is unmitigated rubbish. Nod bloody off? This isn't Metal Gear, much as I love that series. Off the top of my head I can't think of a single cutscene in Resi 4 that lasts over 4 minutes, unless there's a massive increase in cutscene length after ch. 5-2. Hardly dialogue-heavy, either. Part of the reason for the gashness of the story is the absolute lack of exposition in the cutscenes. This isn't a matter of opinion, this is a matter of deliberately distorting what's there. And the continue/quit gripe...I don't know how people are arguing this. Totally meaningless. The only problem I've had with this game is the glut of endlessly respawning enemies that occured for a few too many portions of the castle.
  2. The stock generic monsters are so dull compared to the soldiers. Especially the black ninjas. The black ninjas are fantastic. First time you meet them, they cut you to pieces. Then you get the enormous satisfaction of steadily improving against them until you can wipe them out in seconds. BUT! You then get overconfident and the dance starts again. Skeleton zombies are, however, poo. No skill to fighting them at all. Pretty please with cream on top, will videogame developers stop using crappy monster/alien designs when they are so frequently horribly inferior to humans? I've never gotten past the helicopter, although I've never really gone for it, because I know that after that the game is pretty much monsterville all the way to the end. I can see myself going back to it, though, because when Ninja Gaiden is good, it's very, very good indeed.
  3. Seeing as they haven't had a mention yet, I must say the classic teams are brilliant now. Classic England are now actually really good, and Classic Holland and Brazil's default formations are wonderfully insane, but pretty true in spirit. The Dutch one is pure Total Football. The Brazil one...well, they only have two actual defenders. I'm convinced there's a way this formation becomes devastating if played with correctly, but as it is, a good team will tear it apart. Plus, Adriano is now god. In fact, Inter are ridiculously good.
  4. I saw it as part of an epic double bill with Batman and Robin - the latter has the hilariously stupid one liners, but the former is a more spectacularly moronic film. I laughed and larfed. "MAN-ANIMALS? With LEVerage? Over ME?" One nuclear bomb killing an entire planet. Fantastic stuff.
  5. The Lance bit isn't so hard if you do what I did. I got a car, smashed it up until it was on fire, drove at full speed towards the junkyard entrance and bailed out. Mobile fucking bomb, oh yes. Then it's simply a matter of slaughtering everyone with a shotgun. I love Vice City. The only really bastard mission in the game is the Driver, because it isn't entirely fair. Very satisfying, though. Copland is a fucker also. I loved KOTOR precisely for its ease. A wonderfully relaxing game to play.
  6. Superman 3 really is a fucked up film. Obviously computer-wire woman is the stuff of fever dreams, but my personal disturbo-moment from that film is when evil Superman beats the shit out of Clark Kent, chucks him in a car crusher and turns it on.
  7. The irony of this post when arguing that Peter Jackson is a better director is profound. "What's that? I need some emotion? SWELL the music! CLOSE-UP of the hobbits crying for the umpteenth time in this interminable film! SLooooooow-Mo! FEEL HOW EPIC I AM!" Please. Jackson has made two genuinely good films (Heavenly Creatures, Fellowship) and some entertaining schlock. Two Towers is an abomination. Latter-day Spielberg is under-rated to fuck. I'd take A.I over all three Lord of the Rings films, what with it actually going for something beyond Good vs Bad. And no, that ending is not at all happy. It's very, very disturbing.
  8. Level Six. Skeleton archers on the platforms, who fucking respawn if you don't make it. If you're out of incendiary shurikens it simply becomes a matter of luck. In fairness, this is an isolated case. There are plenty of times when it seems unfair but really isn't. Those cunting archers are, however, the exception.
  9. Marathon Man - Zell, Der Weiss Angel. Dentist torture = villainy. "Is it safe?" A bastard of the highest order.
  10. You say misinformed, I say wilfully stupid. Forgive me if I don't see BNP voters as innocent lambs led astray by the slightly less overt racism of Nick Griffin and co. I don't think they're nearly as 'mislead' as you'd like to believe. As for integration, it isn't something you can just wave a wand towards and make happen. It takes time. Wait and see what the next few generations of recent immigrants do before you start proclaiming the doom of multiculturalism.
  11. That anyone can say that either Goodfellas or The Long Good Friday contained bad acting makes Baby Jesus, Baby Buddha and Baby Mohammed all weep like bereaved zebras. And Goodfellas glamourised its protagonists? They were despicable shits! Just because Henry Hill's voice-over derides 'the ordinary schnooks' doesn't mean you're meant to agree with him. Is City of God a genuine gangster film? I would argue that it has a wider scope perhaps. The Long Good Friday is great, though. "The Mafia? I shit 'em."
  12. I likes what I hear and would like to subscribe to your newsletter plz. Defending Citizen Kane = bonus. It really is that good. The whole 'boring' stigma is WANK. The elves are really really shit, though. Lord of the Rings just dies every time those irritating bastards turn up. What flow Two Towers had was killed stone-dead after Aragon fell off the Cliff O'Doom, and the subsequent arsey elf interlude.
  13. Hmmmmmmm...I just remembered how fucking cool Descent was. It was messed up, dimension-spinning, motion-sickness inducing kerazee fun. I demand a spiritual sequel with spiffy graphics and effects. And Thom Yorke as a boss.
  14. I'm worried about where the single-player has disappeared to. They've released plenty of multiplayer shots and info, not much singleplayer stuff. If last year's E3 demo was just put together for the show then we've got very little information on the genuine one-player campaign. My fear is that they overload on the multiplayer and neglect the singleplayer. They won't be able to get away with widespread level design repetition again. Fears are mostly likely just neuroses though, in the time they've had to develop I can't see how Bungie could feasibly mess it up.
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