Hmmm.. not sure I want to bite...
I feel the touch screen is because of it's tablet origins, but there are innovative uses for it, and I'm glad it's included. I guess the argument is simply that you can always take it out and play portable mode, so it not being available in TV mode is less of a concern. Some games (Rayman Legends) have modes which are playable only in portable mode due to touch screen use.
You can use them in portable mode with the included (admittedly poor) stand in table top mode. Not sure I see the problem here? If anything, I'd argue that the problem is a lack of small and portable dock that you can take to a friends house to allow waggle on their TV.
It's better than a PSP when it launched 3DS and Vita both had 3-5 hours, it's not out of this realm bad, plus it can be charged from an external battery pack with ease, though I appreciate that's not great.
Independent components to charge.
With joycon battery life at 20+ hours, that's 6 or 7 times the console at least. If you have them go dead, you're doing something wrong. If you have 1 go dead and the other is charged, I really have no clue what you've been up to.
Too big / Carry case.
You're really clutching at straws. I needed a carry case for my GBA, GBA SP, DS, DS Lite, DS XL, 3DS, 3DS XL, PSP, Vita...
I guess you could argue that with the clamshell consoles I didn't need one to protect the screen, but I'd never dream of taking my original GBA / Vita / PSP anywhere with an open to the elements screen. Non are pocketable consoles (well, perhaps the GBA SP) so if I took them anywhere I needed a bag - just like I do with the Switch.
Not enough memory for a portable
The console has more memory than a Vita, and a PSP (which don't even allow you to save games out of the box IIRC).
It has virtually equal (relatively) memory to my Xbox One S, which, whilst having 500GB, can only hold about 5 games before the HDD is full. I have a similar amount of games on my Switch.
It uses a normal, standard, cheap and widely available format - Micro SD, and not some rip off proprietary Sony format.
Games on carts... like well, every handheld. They are much bigger than Vita carts, and bigger than DS ones too. I'd say the crappy cart cover is a stupid design and will likely break over time. That sort of thing should be reserved for things like SD cards and sims on mobiles - things you rarely remove.
As a handheld it's MUCH comfier than anything Sony have made, especially the 2 handhelds, and any DS/3DS.
As a home console, some say the pro controller is the comfiest controller ever, I don't have one but separate joycons are comfier than anything I've owned, bar the Bone pad.
As for the turn sideways.. I agree, not idea, but it's 2 player out of the box. You can always go and buy another pair of joycons, or pro pad for 2 player mode and it's comfort all the way.
The buttons are the wrong way around.
Wait, what. How old are you?
It has the same layout as every Nintendo pad ever. Right from the NES pad (which was BA), which revolutionised control pads. The SNES pad which cemented the 4 button layout and inspired every controller Sony have made. How do you logically order square, circle, triangle and cross :S
Everyone I know has their Switch permanently docked to the TV. So what's the point?
Hi, I'm Chris (does that constitute knowing me?).
Last night I had an hour and a half of blissful Xenoblade Chronicles 2 whilst my wife watched Spain play Iran. In fact, I turned off Forza Horizon 2 so she could use the TV, and I played something else. Nowadays, that flexibility means I play more games than I did 1.5 years ago. I own all 3 current consoles, the Switch is by far my main console, and this is one of the main reasons.
Got Labo? The Switch sitting next to me on the sofa on a mobile phone stand whilst I pop out and fold the cardboard, with a TV show on in the background was awesome.
Want to chill out? Switch in bed.
I think in summary, it's as portable, and delicate as a Sony handheld, but with cheaper storage available.
It doesn't do anything bad a previous handheld hasn't already set expectation for, in fact it takes the compromises displayed by other handhelds, and gives you more options than ever to accompany them.
As a home console, it offers more controller choice than any other, and is multiplayer out of the box - something you need a special pack for with any other console, and no portable has ever offered.
It offers easy local (our dream as teens was Goldeneye with separate screens so we couldn't cheat by looking at the other players screen segment)
It seems to me that it's just too flexible for you.