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David Heath

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  1. David Heath

    Pokemon Go

    Does this mean there are Hawaii version of all Pocket Men?
  2. David Heath

    Pokemon Go

    I caught a Rattata but it’s different what is happening.
  3. David Heath

    Pokemon Go

    Let's assume I deleted Pokémon Go like two years ago and then I downloaded it again about four minutes ago and started from scratch. What are the five most important things I need to know that are different, straight off the bat?
  4. David Heath

    Nintendo Switch

    The official adjustable charging stand is nice. I thought it could hold power within the unit and charge the Switch independently from a plug socket, and it can't, but it's still a smart little device, and about ten billion times better than dismantling the monstrous plastic Rubik's cube of embarrassment that is the Hori contraption. Overall, eight Davina McCall's out of a possible ten Davinas.
  5. David Heath

    Breaking Bad

    Really hope this turns into a tedious and endless discussion about whether this will be good or not, or can be good, or if there is a history of anything being good, or maybe it will because here's one example, or nah, that's a bad example and it'll be bad again, for five fuckin years until this is released.
  6. David Heath

    Nintendo Switch

  7. David Heath

    Nintendo Switch

    I'm so pumped about all of this. I missed an entire generation of games and stopped playing since like the original Wii or something, and now I have a system which I've sunk about 500 billion hours into across some of the best games I've ever played in my entire life, plus a whole bunch of awesome shit from the eShop I've only just started to get into, and now we get this online shit which includes a constant drip feed of NES games, almost definitely expanding to other consoles too, and I can take all of it on the fucking train. More observations: - WTF is Solomon's Key lol that shit looks hot - Wario's Woods FUCK YES - WTF is Mighty Bombjack that shit looks even hotter - Metroid *falls to knees* - Dope controllers *dies*
  8. David Heath

    Nintendo Switch

    I want it to be all at once too. But if it was, I probably wouldn’t play all the cool weird shit I never looked at before.
  9. David Heath

    Nintendo Switch

    I know, right? Imagine choosing to wait fucking ages to do this for no reason at all and building a long term marketing plan around it to scale the entire thing sensibly rather than just skip all the hundreds of man hours it takes to achieve such a thing just so some nerds on the Internet get the specific thing they want, it’s crazy, you’d think Nintendo were some kind of business and have to worry about P&Ls and shit. Those idiots.
  10. David Heath

    IGN writer busted copying other people's reviews

    It's because he's lazy, but he's also too stupid to realise he isn't being as lazy as he could be.
  11. David Heath

    Nintendo Switch

    It's become my new favourite game to play drunk. Had so much fun at the weekend with it and a bottle of red wine, becoming angrier and angrier at Toad and his idiotic mannerisms and voice, searching bitterly for the stupid hide and seek pixel, maddening myself at my own lack of good aim on the mine cart, and convulsing with frustration at not being able to work out how to reach a diamond which turns out to be simple in the end. It's like glorious colourful stress ball with whimsical music. 10/10
  12. David Heath

    Nintendo Switch

    I am so FUCKING PUMPED about the prospect of navigating a shrill voiced mushroom doofus around colourful puzzle environments this weekend.
  13. David Heath

    2018 FIFA World Cup

    No one in England wonders this.
  14. The lights will dim and the curtains will rise and Satoru Iwata's cybernetically reanimated body will trample maniacally onstage housed inside a nine foot tall metallic shrine, thus beginning a three hour epic retelling of Homer's Odyssey in which Iwata crushes tiny representations of Sony and Xbox employees, influencers, and streamers, stomping flamboyantly around the stage in a frothing spectacle of death and glory, and ultimately resulting in the announcement of a brand new Switch edition of Doshin The Giant.

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