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Jonzo

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Everything posted by Jonzo

  1. RETURN TO LEVIATHAN: OUR STRUGGLE BY THE PC RAID CREW The PC raid crew rocked back up the towering golden palace of Leviathan last night, to right their wrongs, and stick their Scathelockes up Calus's big bronze behind. It was a mixed affair. The boys were truly put through their paces in the sequel to last week's adventure. Led once again by the crafty veterans Oz and Karde and accompanied by raid rookie and team chatbot Siri, confidence in orbit was high, and once the boys had exchanged a few anecdotes about erectile dysfunction, we were under way. PROLOGUE Jonzo died before they even got to the entrance, in what was to be a foreshadowing of the nightmare to come. Karde, our guide and sage, was called away to carry out a last minute road rescue mission, and zipped up his RAC high viz jacket, promising to return soon. And so it was, one man down, that the boys failed repeatedly to keep their standards on the portals, wiping over and over again, their morale sapped before they even entered the first challenge. Karde returned and the guardians entered the first door. DIRTY BATHERS Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. What was once considered by the boys to be the easiest section of the raid, this time turned out to be a lot more distressing. Our synchonrisation left a lot to be desired, as the team got their arses repeatedly handed to them by the filthy bathers of the bubble baths. Moody had trouble with respawning orbs, and Jonzo, with his characteristically and now maybe notoriously poor DPS, died with alarming regularity. After the boys worked out their issues, put their heads together and swallowed their pride, the lanterns were smashed and it was onwards and upwards. DO YOU LIKE DAGS? NOT REALLY NO I'm glad to report that the dags of doom went down a lot easier this time round. Siri found his feet in this notoriously shitty challenge room easily, only let down by his team, particularly Jonzoo, whose piss poor sense of direction led him to attack his dog instead of his own. Jonzo's DPS also shined here, and not in a good way, more like the shine one might get off a freshly glistening turd bobbing around in the toilet bowl. Oz and Mau put up a stellar performance, leading the team to the most buffs per round they've had in their short raid careers. Not many wipes or serious calamities to speak of here, and once Jonzoo swapped out his peashooter for the unspoken promise sword, the dags went back to their kennels and the boys breathed a sigh of relief. DUNKIRK Back the beaches of Dunkirk then, on this chilly November evening. And again, a bit more of a struggle than last time. Not due to any individual performances – the shooters shot like Clint Eastwood and the runners ran like Forrest Gump – but the end section posed more than a few problems for the boys. Incommunication was our main downfall here in the final phase, as the boys scrambled to keep themselves alive. More time than neccessary was spent bickering about holes, giggling about dog's bottoms, and dealing with an irritating spawn glitch which meant more than a few impromptu returns to orbit. In spite of this, the boys prevailed, but no less than three hours later, meaning the boys will have to wait to get their revenge on Calus. How much longer will the emperor wait? Will some of the team ever learn to play using mouse and keyboard? Will Jonzo ever increase his DPS? Will Siri's first experience raiding with such a bunch of catastrophic wankers put him off for life? Find out the answers this Sunday, 9PM, when the final battle takes place.
  2. So that's five including Kyle? I'm assuming moodymon will be back in the team too?
  3. I'm definitely in. If anything changes, I have to stay at work late or whatever, I'll let you know so be good to get a couple of subs lined up just in case.
  4. Welcome to the team flight, you should jump on the discord server too. Which I don't have the link for.
  5. I will continue to document the historic legacy of the PC raid crew. I will also continue to have embarrassingly low DPS.
  6. Yep, confirmed for Tuesday. Might also be able to do Sunday.
  7. I've got the prospector and a pad......maybe i'll bring those bad boys in to take down Calus?
  8. Haha. I'll never be able to live that 529 DPS down. It was so much fun, properly funny from beginning to end. Kyle piping up every now and again with his brutal mug offs. Would be great to get the same team together again!
  9. Yep. Should be fine to do both days. If that changes I’ll let you know. Tuesday might be slightly preferable tho
  10. RLLMUK RAID REKKAGE: BATTLE REPORT The PC crew rolled up at the Leviathan last night with engrams on their minds, and Calus in their sights. A golden palace with six bloodthirsty Guardians on the prowl. Led by Oz and Karde, father figures in their own right, wise old wizened veterans, crafty and clinical, they shepherded a quantuplet of noobs through some of the toughest trials of their gaming lives. 8:15 rolled round and after a brief stumble before they'd even started, picking the wrong game type, they were away, wide eyed and excited. PHASE 1: HEDGEHOGS Into the mist of the Pleasure Gardens then, on this cold November night, to do battle with the hedgehog cunts of doom. Oz and DC took point, guiding Karde and his trio of rookies through the mist. There were fuck ups galore. Jonzo lets all of his most powerful weapons loose during the damage phase, causing a frightening 529 DPS. He also got stuck in the safe room. Oz alerted more hedgehogs to the Guardians' presence than anyone else, in a seemingly glitchy turn of events. But even when all hope was lost, after tens of wipes and leaps into the death pit, they turned it around and eventually succeeded. Kyle fires his fireworks into the sky in celebration and the lads pat each other on the digital backs. Onwards to the... TAKESHI'S CASTLE AKA CHRISTOPHER NOLAN'S DUNKING DUNKIRK DONUT OF DOOM What a phase this was. Kyle, Oz, DC and Karde taking shooty point, and Jonzo and Moodymon limber up in the tunnels, to get all Usain Bolt on Calus' cabal arse. Jonzo's shooters put up an electrifying performance, navigating him safely through the holes. Cocky Kyle takes on the responsibility of shooting both his arrows in one go, an unorthodox approach, confusing Karde but upping the ante in terms of performance on this stellar raid. A couple of trial runs down, the boys get to work, jumping through holes and going to CHRISTOPHER NOLAN DUNKIRK under the watchful eyes of Calus' golden effigies. The boys are confused when the team wipes and they still get their keys to the next door, but they take it. They have bigger fish to fry. PROFESSOR BURP'S BUBBLE BATHS And finally onto the bubble baths, a chaotic but triumphant affair, no big events to take of here, just cold, clinical rekkage. The team swap out and restack like a slickly oiled machine, pumping their supers into the lanterns of chaos and heading back to the tower to claim their loot. No time to fell Calus tonight, but he'll keep. He'll keep. TL:DR last night was hilarious when can we do it again?
  11. Right lads, I'm as ready as I'll ever be for the raid. Just finished up the Mida exotic quest, so i'll be taking that in with me. 274.
  12. So fucking excited for Monday lads. And nervous. What if I'm shit. Anyway if anyone fancies running through the nightfall before then, it's my last milestone and best chance to pick up some nice gear before monday night, give me a shout.
  13. I hit 265 last night, will try and grind up to a decent level before Monday and might be able to join you guys. What do you reckon is the minimum? 280?
  14. I'm approaching 250 now, still haven't done the nightfall, will probably need to grind a bit more for that. Coming consistently top of my team in crucible though, feels good man. Loving this game on PC.
  15. I hit level 20 last night too, still got a ways to go on the campaign though I think. So should be able to join you guys for endgame stuff fairly soon hopefully.
  16. Loving this so far on PC. About to hit level 10, still doing the early game grind. Would be great to play with some of you lot though, it's lonely out there in solo town. Add me up if you haven't already: Jonzo #2746
  17. This is like a different game on PC. I'm kind of staggered by how much better it feels.
  18. Just added a few of you, gonna double dip. Jonzo#2746
  19. So is split joy cons the absolute way to go then? i shouldn't even consider the pro controller? mmmm, the lovely pro controller. mmmm.
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