RETURN TO LEVIATHAN: OUR STRUGGLE BY THE PC RAID CREW
The PC raid crew rocked back up the towering golden palace of Leviathan last night, to right their wrongs, and stick their Scathelockes up Calus's big bronze behind. It was a mixed affair. The boys were truly put through their paces in the sequel to last week's adventure. Led once again by the crafty veterans Oz and Karde and accompanied by raid rookie and team chatbot Siri, confidence in orbit was high, and once the boys had exchanged a few anecdotes about erectile dysfunction, we were under way.
Jonzo died before they even got to the entrance, in what was to be a foreshadowing of the nightmare to come. Karde, our guide and sage, was called away to carry out a last minute road rescue mission, and zipped up his RAC high viz jacket, promising to return soon. And so it was, one man down, that the boys failed repeatedly to keep their standards on the portals, wiping over and over again, their morale sapped before they even entered the first challenge.
Karde returned and the guardians entered the first door.
Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. What was once considered by the boys to be the easiest section of the raid, this time turned out to be a lot more distressing. Our synchonrisation left a lot to be desired, as the team got their arses repeatedly handed to them by the filthy bathers of the bubble baths. Moody had trouble with respawning orbs, and Jonzo, with his characteristically and now maybe notoriously poor DPS, died with alarming regularity. After the boys worked out their issues, put their heads together and swallowed their pride, the lanterns were smashed and it was onwards and upwards.
DO YOU LIKE DAGS? NOT REALLY NO
I'm glad to report that the dags of doom went down a lot easier this time round. Siri found his feet in this notoriously shitty challenge room easily, only let down by his team, particularly Jonzoo, whose piss poor sense of direction led him to attack his dog instead of his own. Jonzo's DPS also shined here, and not in a good way, more like the shine one might get off a freshly glistening turd bobbing around in the toilet bowl. Oz and Mau put up a stellar performance, leading the team to the most buffs per round they've had in their short raid careers. Not many wipes or serious calamities to speak of here, and once Jonzoo swapped out his peashooter for the unspoken promise sword, the dags went back to their kennels and the boys breathed a sigh of relief.
Back the beaches of Dunkirk then, on this chilly November evening. And again, a bit more of a struggle than last time. Not due to any individual performances – the shooters shot like Clint Eastwood and the runners ran like Forrest Gump – but the end section posed more than a few problems for the boys. Incommunication was our main downfall here in the final phase, as the boys scrambled to keep themselves alive. More time than neccessary was spent bickering about holes, giggling about dog's bottoms, and dealing with an irritating spawn glitch which meant more than a few impromptu returns to orbit.
In spite of this, the boys prevailed, but no less than three hours later, meaning the boys will have to wait to get their revenge on Calus. How much longer will the emperor wait? Will some of the team ever learn to play using mouse and keyboard? Will Jonzo ever increase his DPS? Will Siri's first experience raiding with such a bunch of catastrophic wankers put him off for life?
Find out the answers this Sunday, 9PM, when the final battle takes place.