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If you could fill a game with gaming cliches, what would you add?

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In another thread someone posted a video of a psone racing game called burning road and it reminded me of stupid clichés in video games and how we could make a 'Last Action Hero' cliche filled game.

So let's make an imaginary GTA style game and fill it with cliches.

1. Every time you get in a car a single seater helicopter must fly over head, inches away from the car whilst causing dust to fly into the air.

2. No matter what there must be lens flare from the sun at all times.
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Burning Road was fucking amazing.

Cliches -It'll be better on PC, except when it isn't. but we don't go there.

You get a Woo Hoo ! when you go over a jump.
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Chest-high-walls must be everywhere. [i]Everywhere[/i]. Supermarkets. Rooftops. The middle of highways. No flat, open terrain can go without wall-themed embellishment.
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My favourite cliche:

'You stop the main villain (or a villains henchman) but when you turn your back he pulls out a gun and either kills a close friend of yours or injures you before he then gets killed or disarmed.
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When you kill the last enemy in an encounter you get a special camera treatment.

There are violent stabbings.

The plot is shit.

There are bits where your interaction is basically "hold the stick in a direction".

Characterisation is shit.

The game will have a horde mode.

It will have social networking integration.

There's loads of filler bits where you need to clear out locations full of enemies where every room gets replenished by waves for a really tenuous justification.

The game has a desaturation filter.

Guns and gunsights are modelled in excruciating detail.

The genre is Uncharted.
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There will be many hidden objects scattered around the world which everyone bar you seems to be oblivious to.
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Despite collecting an arsenal of guns and ammo, and being near invincible, you get captured easily and lose it all until you can escape from the least secure prison cell anyone's ever been in. I like that one.
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You are never once left on your own. You constantly have an AI buddy who clears the room & push forward as you're too dim witted and spack handed to do it your self.

Gears 3 is the absolute worst for this.
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Token annoying bint nattering in your ear with an encyclopaedic knowledge of everything; how to breach enemy hideouts, how to hack computers, where people leave their keys, how to destroy everything the enemy uses against you.

God, even GTA1 had bosses ringing you to tell you exactly where a certain weapon or vehicle would be...
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Definitely agree the game needs someone telling you what to do all the bloody time. God forbid the player not know what they have to do for more than 30 seconds. And make it a woman so it feels like your girlfriend is helping you out.

All characters in the game must be ridiculously beefy and bald/shaven-headed, wearing combat gear. Even the women.

Cars never just break down, they catch fire and explode because they've been hit a couple of times.

Not a cliche this but it has to have areas of the city which are blocked off because you haven't bought the DLC.
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Sorry for going a bit off topic, but [url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JE7on_-iec"][i]Retro City Rampage[/i][/url] practically is this hypothetical game. You should check it out as it's definitely coming out on something you own!
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Any ledge that can withstand your weight and is in jumping distance will be painted a different colour to all other ledges.

A small handgun will have infinite ammo whereas anything bigger will run out quickly.

A sniper rifle will be conveniently placed just before a group of baddies who are not small, but far away.
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[quote name='James Lyon' timestamp='1339961277' post='8670813']
Despite collecting an arsenal of guns and ammo, and being near invincible, you get captured easily and lose it all until you can escape from the least secure prison cell anyone's ever been in. I like that one.
[/quote]

And when you escape the prison cell you will stumble across a bag containing many weapons both ballistic and explosive, an armoured vest, some computer equipment, and all of the plot items you have thus far collected.
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Whatever the specifics, it needs an unsatisfying multiplayer needlessly added in, perhaps with a Horde mode that takes 3 hours to play a single game.

The main character should have a sword three times as big as he is. And lots of buckles to hold his chaps up with.

All the women should wear that most practical of garment, the suspender belt. Except Amy if its a Sonic game, cos that would be wrong.
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Despite being rare in real life, treasure chests appear in abundance, are never buried, rarely locked and nobody else has ever found them and taken the treasure before you.

The scenery will include many beautiful vistas, which turn out to be flat images if you go too close.

When you kill the final boss, his castle will suddenly collapse for no convincing structural reason.
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You are forced to go the long way round because a plant pot blocks your path. You are an athelete and known for dexterity, yet climbing those railings is impossible. The long way it is then.
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You meet the last boss in a cutscene, who taunts you and then runs into the next room with ease as you stand there incapable of movement. Upon regaining control, you razz it into the next room, only for the boss to have disapppeared from existence, seemingly at the speed of light.

Later, after having just endured about a thousand bullets to numerous body parts, the following cutscene implies that your life is in danger because somebody is holding you up with a gun identical to the hundreds that have been unloaded into you for the past several hours.
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Fruit, lots of fruit. Any game without bonus fruit is incomplete.

Also games should make a big show whenever you Level Up. A splash screen with your character punching the air and visibly gaining strength and abilities, preferably with lightning in the background.
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