kerraig UK

The worst crimes in music

922 posts in this topic

Was listening to some mid 90's hip hop today and there were about 3 songs in a row that had rappers doing really bad gun noise impressions. "ch-ch blau!!", "booka booka!", "brrrraaapppp". It's horrendously cringeworthy to listen to a grown man trying to sound tough while phonetically spelling out gunshot sounds.

That made me think about rap skits in general, which while funny once are usually the most cringingly skippable sections of albums after a couple of listens.

Then I moved on to other things i hate about music, such as taking a pop song up a scale for the final chorus and sticking in sound bites from Pulp Fiction to seem edgy and cool.

Musics well shit

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I've come back round to gun onomatopeia in rap. I wanna know where they go next. I'm looking for a 'ffff-SSSCHZZZZmmmm' or 'DVVVVVVVVVVVVOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW' when we get into the age of laser rayguns.

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I love key changes. Especially fucking epic ones when the key changes so many times that they ends up back where it started. 360 degrees of awesomeness, right there.

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Too right! Key changes are always good.

Especially the one at the end of Whitney's version of 'I Will Always Love You'!

But the best of all is Donna Summer's 'Love Hangover', probably.

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Almost all novelty songs.

This is very specific but we had a very short period in Dutch music (at the top of the first dance/house/gabber wave) where old traditional Dutch nursery rhymes where housified and made it onto the top of the charts. That was possible the worst period in music ever.

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Rap skits are terrible yeah, they'd be right there at the top of my list. You're supposed to be a rapper, not a comedian... I don't think I've laughed at one since that one about mortal kombat in the chinese restaurant The Fugees did, and I was probably 14 or 15 then.

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That newish Sugababes song that torments my ears every time I'm in work.

Is that the one that borders heavily on being a Right Said Fred cover?!

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I've come back round to gun onomatopeia in rap. I wanna know where they go next. I'm looking for a 'ffff-SSSCHZZZZmmmm' or 'DVVVVVVVVVVVVOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW' when we get into the age of laser rayguns.

Have you heard Kanyes laser sounds on "Hate" on Blueprint 3?

:)

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I also like key changes in music. Dynamics innit. Not as good when it's always done right at the end and when it always goes up one, but it's better than total repetition.

But for crimes: Sandi Thom. GGGAAAARRRGGGHHH!

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Happy hardcore and other forms of ned music, you know, the crap they play on their phones on buses.

And even though it's new - the genre of Donk. Blackout Crew.

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EDIT: And the vocoder in all instances bar 70s funk where it's acceptable.

Ahem!

B000006X4B.02.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

70's Jazz funk, thankyew! :)

And you must be forgetting this guy, a staple of the Eighties...

art_42922_big.jpg

;)

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Auto-tune.

EDIT: And the vocoder in all instances bar 70s funk where it's acceptable.

Erm... Kraftwerk?

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Auto-tune.

EDIT: And the vocoder in all instances bar 70s funk where it's acceptable.

oh fuck I hate auto-tune.

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Drum n Bass MC's - Heck, dance music MC's in general.

I've never seen one which has made the event better. It's all the same clichéd BS. The number of Noisia sets I've seen ruined...

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I think aside from the key change, one of the most boring things in pop music is the boring verse-chorus-verse-chorus-chorus-middle eight-CHORUS!!! routine.

But as a song writer trying to write songs with a catchy chorus it's bloody hard trying to find a good way to piece it all together. For the less experienced sometimes shifting up a bit is just an easy way to introduce something unexpected. Change the rhythm a bit - change tempo, groove it up, use a different time signature, whatever - and shove a lead part on top for a couple of measures and you've made it less boring.

My band does it in one song where we use minor third harmonies (so basically shifting up a few semitones then) over an instrumental section, but we go back to the original for the final verse and chorus.

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Cuntwerk more like.

It's no surprise that Nate Dogg III is an anagram of Ageing Idiot.

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Nu-Jazz, Nu-Soul, Nu-House or whatever the bollocks it's called. It's like old sixties, seventies soul mixed together with kind modern beats in the background. It's so MOR, it's like your favourite bands being covered by some session musicians and being held up as cool, it's like bloody lift music. It should only be on quietly in the background of wine bars. It just does not challenge the brain in anyway. GRRR.

(oh and the people who collect it, cretins the lot of them. oh, I found this flicking through the vinyls. YAWN YAWN)

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Drum n Bass MC's - Heck, dance music MC's in general.

I've never seen one which has made the event better. It's all the same clichéd BS. The number of Noisia sets I've seen ruined...

Would totally agree were it not for Stevie Hyper D, GQ and Conrad. Hyper does (did) the hyperactive stuff really well. GQ and Conrad have a much more considered approach, they understand the role I think. Hyper's the father of them all when it comes to the rave stuff though, absolutely love him. Anyone heard his James Bond theme verse? Oh man.

Come on, now.

Humanafterall.jpg

Meh. Bollocks to it. One More Time would have been SO much better without the vocoder imo, Romanthony's got one of the most beautiful voices in house, no need to ruin it like that. He's not Cher.

It's no surprise that Nate Dogg III is an anagram of Ageing Idiot.

Fantastic. :) Is it really?

Put Kraftwerk in the same file as the Beatles - yes, yes, no disputing their influence but no, no, the music does nothing for me. I used to write about dance music a few years back and pretty much everyone I interviewed said they spent their formative years listening to Kraftwerk, Depeche Mode and The Human League. Just be honest, your older brother gave you a Sasha tape and half a double-dove, no-one's going to hate you for it, we're all the same.

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Meh. Bollocks to it. One More Time would have been SO much better without the vocoder imo, Romanthony's got one of the most beautiful voices in house, no need to ruin it like that. He's not Cher.

I'm on about the Human After All album. The title track, 'Robot Rock,' 'Prime Time Of Your Life' and 'Emotion' wouldn't be anywhere near the belters they are without the vocoder. If it's Discovery you're wanting to talk about, though, how's about 'Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger?' It pretty much is a vocoder. They use vocoders on the vocals and manage to recreate wiggedly-wiggedy 80s guitar noodling. I was like "OMGWTFLOL" ;):)

Vocoders are sent by God. I fucking want one.

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